Steve Martin - The Ten, Make That Nine, Habits of Very Organized People. Make That Ten.: The Tweets of Steve Martin

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An Object of BeautyThe Pleasure of My CompanyShopgirlPicasso at the Lapin AgileWASPBorn Standing UpPure DrivelCruel ShoesShopgirlBowfingerL.A. StoryRoxanneThe Jerk (coauthor) I STARTED TWEETING FOR PURELY COMMERCIAL REASONS .

I realized that when I did a television show to promote a book or record, and that television show had an audience of, say, four million people, about four hundred of them rushed out to buy the book or record. I figured if I had a Twitter audience of four hundred thousandan audience that was tuned into meand I promoted a book, then four hundred thousand of them would rush out and buy my book. Instead, forty of them rushed out to buy my book. However, I soon lost my interest in promoting through Twitter, other than casually, and got hooked on the comedy potential. I found the limits exciting, and liked that these thoughts popped up randomly on someone elses device, perhaps catching them at an odd moment. I also liked that these thoughts popped up randomly in me, and kept me on my comedy toes.

I thought tweeting might be a way to cultivate lines and ideas for my new banjo stage show I am now touring with. It wasnt. All this tweet material turned out to be good for one thing only: tweeting. When I started, around Labor Day of 2010, I didnt really understand the ins and outs of Twitter, and it wasnt till about four months later that I noticed that people were tweeting me back. Then, I started noticing how tuned-in and funny the responses were, and then a few months later I started saving the best of them (cut and pasted, by hand, by me) in a file. This was real enjoyment: I would run to my wife quoting someones latest clever response, laughing hard.

In a sense, this book has a narrative. Even though Ive jumbled the tweets around for structure, if the book is read in order, which no one will, you can watch me stumble, get wise, get responsive, go from longer consecutive story tweets to shorter self-contained ones. At first, a complaint from a reader (too long, too many, etc) would make me panic and sweat like I was a first-time comedian on an audition stage. I made a vow to make my tweets grammatically correct, so if I erred I felt I looked like a dolt. (This led to a regular tweet called Get it Right Friday, where I corrected any errors throughout the week. Get it Right Friday, by the way, always came on Thursday.) Once, a beginners gaffe made me the most nervous and panicked I ever was but led to one of my best tweets.

On my banjo tour with the Steep Canyon Rangers, the fastest way to get reviews was to search Twitter for my name after a show, which I did. Then I realized I had inadvertently tweeted my name. I instantly figured that my Twitter audience would conclude that I was searching myself on Twitter, highly embarrassing. After palpitations and perspirations, I composed myself and tweeted: Steve Martin oily muscles beach Speedo photo. Then I immediately tweeted, Sorry, meant to Google myself. Going out today to take pictures of paparazzi. ...................... Got some great pictures of paparazzi today. Got some great pictures of paparazzi today.

Man, they UGLY! Went through their garbage too. Found my own garbage in their garbage. ...................... Been asked to appear on the new primetime show, So You Think You Can Vomit. Excited! My publicist is nervous about my becoming a Tweeter. He says celebrities tend to make such monumental gaffes.

Hes such a typical Wop! The Red Cross is a really good cause, but one billiard ball hitting another is a really good cause and effect. My wife doesnt know Im Tweeting. She thinks Im writing a screenplay ...................... So if you see me on the street, please say, Hows the screenplay going, Steve? Well both do a thumbs up and keep moving. ...................... ......................

Could we have a rehearsal? Please say, Hows the screenplay going, Steve? ...................... Excellent. Dont over emphasize screenplay because shes not stupid and that would be a giveaway. No winking either. ...................... Amateur. ...................... ......................

Remember, Im a professional actor. Let me do the heavy lifting. Practice your thumbs up in front of a mirror at home. ...................... Some of you will make the mistake of pointing your thumb down. Dont worry.

A few tries will make it perfect. ...................... some time later Oh boy, lots of bad acting so far: ...................... Hows the uh..uh..(look at palm) SCREENPLAY going uh..uh..(racking brain) LESLIE NIELSEN. Yipes. Or: ......................

Hows the screenplay going? So far so good. Then, nice thumbs up, followed by walking into a lamp post. Conk. ...................... And its thumbs UP. Not thumbs SIDEWAYS.