Jacob Lentz - Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation

Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation — read online for free the complete book (whole text) full work

Below is the text of the book, divided by pages. System saving the place of the last page read, allows you to conveniently read the book "Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation" online for free, without having to search again every time where you left off. Put a bookmark, and you can go to the page where you finished reading at any time.

Light

Font size:

↓

↑

Georgia Tahoma Arial Verdana

Reset

Interval:

↓

↑

Bookmark:

Make

1234567...41

Table of Contents

Completely and totally unwittingly, Paul Koehorst and Jacob Lentz have written perhaps the most important new business book since Who Moved My Cheese? and The One Minute Manager. Theres NoI in Office can save you from the situation in which people often find themselves when they work for me: getting fired. I can honestly say that, most often, those I sent packing had no rapport with me. If I saw them, they would avert their eyes at all costs. Unsure what to say, they said nothing, and I felt no guilt when I had to let them go. This book puts an end to all of that. Had they read it, hundreds of people whom I fired could have connected with me in a totally unmeaningful and superfluous way and AVOIDED THE AXE!

Jim Cramer, host of Mad Money with Jim Cramer

I dont even have coworkers, but this book made me want to get some so that I could totally blow them off.

Steve Agee, gay guy Steve on The Sarah Silverman Program

Having worked with Jake and Paul, I can attest that both are masters of office politics. While others struggle to get ahead through tireless effort, these two heroes prove that a well-turned phrase to the right executive trumps doing anything thats actually constructive. In fact, its the height of irony that the writing of this book represents the first actual work Ive seen either do.

Dave Dameshek, 710 ESPN

If Brian Dunkleman had read this book, Ryan Seacrest would be the one doing Celebrity Fit Club. Dont let the same thing happen to you. Buy it, read it, use it. Then watch in amazement as your undeserved success in the workplace arrives.

Chris Ayres, author of War Reporting for Cowards

POWER PHRASES

Show me the _________.	xxii
You really put the _________ in _________.	68
Its _________ time.	102
Youre the _________ of _________.	136
Lets get our _________ heads in the _________ game.	161
Now thats what I call _________.	197
Its _________ palooza in here.	230
_________ or bust!	250
What in the name of _________ is going on in here?	269
Theres no I in _________ .	375

MEANINGLESS ANSWERS TO COWORKERS QUESTIONS

How are you doing?	5
How are you feeling today?	11
Whats new?	15
Where are you off to?	20
Will you take a look at something for me?	24
Can you look at something on my computer?	34
Want to go to lunch?	42
Hows it going?	52
Did you get the memo?	59
What do you think this meeting is about?	65
Can I ask you a question?	73
Can I ask you a personal question?	78
Can you help me with something?	88
What did you do last night?	94
How are the kids?	109
Im having some relationship problems and would like your advice.	114
Who are you voting for?	122
Are you seeing anyone?	130
What do you do for fun?	147
Wanna hit the gym later?	153
Wanna see my new tattoo?	158
Hows that new project coming along?	166
Whats going on in your department?	175
Wanna work on this together?	183
How was your quarter?	190
What do you make of the new boss?	204
Do you like working here?	212
Where do you see yourself in five years?	219
What kind of mood is the boss in today?	226
Have you tried out that new spa?	236
Do you know a good place to buy such-and-such?	245
You going to the office party?	259
Wanna come to a dinner party at our place?	262
Wanna come to my kids birthday party?	274
What are you doing tonight?	278
Hows the family?	282
How do you like my tie?	287
You seem preoccupied.	292
Are you going for that promotion?	297
Have you tried out that new restaurant?	303
What do you think?	308
I have a financial question for you.	314
What are you doing this weekend?	320
Whats the plan?	327
What time is it?	332
You doing OK?	339
You need any help?	344
Got any gossip?	349
Whats your commute like?	355
Do you have a minute?	360
You live around here?	367
Where are you from?	371

INTRODUCTION

Congratulations, friend. You hold in your hands the foremost book on the subject of surviving social interaction in the modern office environment. With it, you are poised to take a huge step backward in genuine human contact while simultaneously taking a huge step forward in your workplace happiness, popularity, eccentricityand possibly even career advancement.

If you dont want to become a funny-and-popular-yet-weird-and-emotionally-aloof coworker, then set this book aside to re-gift later, or perhaps you can use it to balance an extremely wobbly table. But if indeed you are looking to abandon meaningful dialogue with your coworkers and minimize the degree to which you know them and they know youthen let that table wobble.

Lets start with a small reality check: you spend huge chunks of your week with coworkers, and while most of them are fine people, they arent all friend material. Its not that youre antisocialits just that you dont need to be pals with every coworker who crosses your path. Or perhaps you are antisocial but figure its best to keep that between you and your therapist. Or perhaps youre just asocial. Or maybe youre somewhere in between. Maybe you dont know the difference. Thats cool; neither do we.

The problem is that your coworkers have an expectation that you will develop some kind of interpersonal relationship with each of themeven though the reality of modern business is that workers are replaceable cogs who come and go as jobs get downsized, individuals transfer to other branches, and people decide to quit their job and move back into their parents house so they can save money to start a boutique that sells high-end baby clothes.

Plus, you already have friends. Youve been collecting them from the first day of kindergarten all the way through college and beyond. So even though Barry in the cubicle next to the kitchenette seems like a good guy, do you really want to spend your precious time helping him decide between a plasma or an LCD TV? One innocent word of advice in the break room on Thursday afternoon and the next thing you know, its Saturday morning and youre helping him carry 60 inches of HDTV up four flights of stairs to his apartment. And once its installed you gotta fire that baby upand just like that, youre stuck watching

Next page

1234567...41

Light

Font size:

↓

↑

Georgia Tahoma Arial Verdana

Reset

Interval:

↓

↑

Bookmark:

Make

Similar books «Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation»

Look at similar books to Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation. We have selected literature similar in name and meaning in the hope of providing readers with more options to find new, interesting, not yet read works.

Peter Weverka

Office for iPad and Mac for Dummies

Bloomsbury Publishing

Survive Office Politics: How to Steer a Course through Minefields at Work

Jacob Sundberg

Well Call You

Henry Lee

Office Politics: A Beginners Overview and Guide : How to Survive and Thrive in the World of Office Politics

Tessa West

Jerks at Work - Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them

Jacob O. Levitt

Safety in Office-Based Dermatologic Surgery

Peter Weverka

Office 365 All-in-One for Dummies

Instructables.com

Office Weapons: Catapults, Darts, Shooters, Tripwires, and Other Do-It-Yourself Projects to Fortify Your Cubicle

Withee Rosemarie

Office 365 For Dummies

Diane Engelhardt

Perfect Phrases for ESL Conversation Skills: With 2,100 Phrases

Diane A. Ross

The Elephant in the Office: Super-Simple Strategies for Difficult Conversations at Work

John Austin

Cubicle Warfare: 101 Office Traps and Pranks

Discussion, reviews of the book Theres No I in Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation and just readers' own opinions. Leave your comments, write what you think about the work, its meaning or the main characters. Specify what exactly you liked and what you didn't like, and why you think so.