Sabeeha Rehman - Its Not What You Think: An American Woman in Saudi Arabia

Advance Praise for

Its Not What You Think

Its Not What You Think is truly a tale of surprises, as our assumptions about Saudi Arabia, its culture, and the lives of its women are turned upside-down. Rehman takes us deep inside spaces that are tightly closed to non-Muslims and/or non-femalesnot only the hajj but the womens-only lingerie department of a Saudi department store! The one thing that is not a surprise here, for those of us who know Rehmans previous work, is her writing: intimate, warm, often funny, and always irresistible.

Susan Choi, National Book Awardwinning author of Trust Exercise

Painfully funny, genuinely touching, culturally confounding, unexpectedly unnerving, and just plain unexpected, Sabeehas adventure drops us into the dynamic heartland of her faith, confronting the stereotypes that keep countries, cultures, and the people in them so lonely. But Its Not What You Think is more than that. Its not where we go, Sabeeha shows us, but who we become on the way; its not where we come from, she discovers, but whether we decide to keep goingand why. This warm and wild journey changes her. And if you let her, itll change you too.

Haroon Moghul, author of Two Billion Caliphs

In this engrossing and compelling read, Sabeeha Rehman takes us inside Saudi Arabia, globally the most closed and secretive country, in which patriarchy is in its DNA, and where she lived for six years. With her, we tour Mecca, where no non-Muslim is permitted, and experience hajj, the worlds largest annual gathering. A brilliant, insightful, and fascinating tour of a state where freedom of religion, freedom to assemble, and freedom of expression are limited.

Jan Goodwin, award-winning journalist, author, Soros and Kiplinger fellow, and former senior fellow at Brandeis Universitys Schuster Institute of Investigative Journalism

Illuminating, informative, and deeply personal, Its Not What You Think is a refreshing and complex antidote to the harmful and outdated stereotypes of Muslim women and the Middle East that still dominate Americas media and political landscape. Sabeeha Rehman weaves a complex and empowering narrative of Muslim women reclaiming their identity, gender, and religion from men who seek to hijack all to ensure control and power.

Wajahat Ali, author of Go Back to Where You Came From and contributing New York Times op-ed writer

Easy to read, engaging, and informative, Its Not What You Think will be a great help to all who aspire to visit/work in Middle East in general and Saudi Arabia in particular. For folks navigating different cultures/traditions/faiths, it provides a great introduction from an author who successfully navigated these challenges. I was privileged to consult for the ailing King Fahd in June 2005 and attest to the high standards of health care and the great medical institution at KFSH&RC where the author held a very senior administrative position.

Prof. Faroque Ahmad Khan, MB MACP. Chairman, Interfaith Institute of Long Island

In this charming book, Sabeeha shows how even a devout Muslim who had previously visited Saudi Arabia for pilgrimage can have her stereotypical views of the Kingdom continually shattered for the better. She reveals how Saudi women both exercise their power and irreversibly expand the boundaries of their power within the confines of a patriarchal society subject to the unavoidable winds of societal change.

Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, founder of Cordoba House, author of Defining Islamic Statehood and Whats Right with Islam

Sabeeha Rehmans travelogue memoir invites as well as entertains, inspiring the reader with personal adventures and insight into Saudi Arabiaa modest masterpiece.

Sidney Offit, former president of the Authors Guild Foundation and Authors League Fund and author of Memoirs of a Bookies Son

Also by Sabeeha Rehman

Threading My Prayer Rug

With Walter Ruby:

We Refuse to Be Enemies

Copyright 2022 by Sabeeha Rehman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Arcade Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

First Edition

Arcade Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Arcade Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Arcade Publishing is a registered trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.arcadepub.com.

Visit the authors site at sabeeharehman.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022937475

Cover design by Erin Seaward-Hiatt

Cover illustration: Treeline A-Digit / Getty Images; background Okta Libriansyah Putra / Getty Images; cityscape Mohammed Assem / EyeEm / Getty Images

ISBN: 978-1-956763-02-7

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-956763-23-2

Printed in the United States of America

To my Saudi colleagues at King Faisal Specialist Hospital and Research Center, Riyadh, who welcomed me, offered me professional opportunities to achieve my potential, and made my stay in Saudi Arabia a memorable one

CONTENTS

AUTHORS NOTE

I had my trepidation about relocating to Saudi Arabia, even though it was for only two years. My friends shared my apprehension. A week before my departure, I attended my last book club meeting. As we transitioned from discussing the book to talking about my move to Saudi Arabia and wondering what it would be like, one of my friends said to me, Write to us every day about your experiences. Start writing the day you get off the plane. First impressions need to be captured immediately. It struck a note with me, and I did just that.

The morning after my husband and I arrived in Riyadh, I wrote a long email describing my Day 1 experience: what I discovered and how it made me feel. And believe me, there was a lot in those first few hours after landing. And it took off from therethe daily reports, that is. I beamed these emails to family, friends, and colleagues in the US and to my family in Pakistan. Their responses energized me, and I found myself looking for stories to write home about. The chapter First Impressions is devoted to a chronological day-by-day account of my first month in Riyadh. From there on, you will read about my life on the job and life after work, a compilation of observations made in real time and my reminiscences.

As you read my stories, you are likely to wonder if any of this cultural phenomenon has changed. In fact, I am sure you will. Since most of these episodes were narrated in real time, look for updates in the epilogue, and in some cases in the footnotes.

You will come across Arabic terms that may sound unfamiliar. Check the glossary at the back of the book. Its as good as Google, if I may say so humbly.

To protect the privacy of my colleagues and friends, I have changed most of the names of the people in this book. These are people who had a remarkable impact on my life in Saudi Arabia and who made this book possible.

And now dear reader, turn to the prologue. I hope it entices you to continue reading. Sit back and relax and enjoy the journey. Thank you for flying with me.

PROLOGUE

Dont leave home without it, my neighbor across the hall had cautioned me. Not my American Express card but the abaya. I reached for the black cloak hanging on the coat rack just before stepping out of my apartment, buttoned it up from neck to ankle, draped the black scarf over my hair, wrapped it around my neck, and turned around to face my husband.