Jane Hersey - Full Circle

Copyright 2012 Jane Hersey

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

Matador
9 Priory Business Park
Kibworth Beauchamp
Leicestershire LE8 0RX, UK
Tel: (+44) 116 279 2299
Fax: (+44) 116 279 2277
Email:
Web: www.troubador.co.uk/matador

ISBN 978 1780884 295

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Typeset in 11.5pt Minion Pro by Troubador Publishing Ltd, Leicester, UK

Matador is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd

Dedicated to my son Paul

I was now 16 years old and remained traumatised and haunted by my past; I over-trusted people and had an overriding urge to protect them and prevent them from feeling any emotional pain. I was psychologically living on the edge of society and was socially isolated. I had not developed the mindset to question this. Looking back it was in reality an enforced imprisonment, meaning I did not have the emotional, educational, financial means or support to change my predicament.

As I grew into womanhood my confusion at the world became more apparent. I was taking comfort in behaviours that were familiar, not bathing, wearing multiple layers of clothes and, like my mother, I was bingeing on food. Of course I was still very much a lonely unsupported child myself when I got pregnant one who had never been nurtured or mothered and as such I struggled with the responsibilities of parenthood.

Marginalised and abused children are often overlooked even today, and risk becoming marginalised and abused adults who may never receive acknowledgement or respect for the immense physical and emotional burden they carry from childhood, or indeed have their full potential realised.

Windermere 1970

My names Jane Levene. I told the receptionist, my head slightly bowed. Looking around the large reception area, there were no Jewish faces. I wondered if anyone knew my name was really Hikey. I watched as she used a ruler to draw a line in a very large ledger.

I feel like Ive been here forever and a day, she said, without lifting her head. She seemed kindly, small, slender and frail, like Beverlys mother. Another woman appeared.

Im the housekeeper. She beckoned me towards a long corridor. I followed her up a small flight of stairs to a smaller corridor. This is your room, were expecting more staff. For the moment you have the room to yourself. I looked out of the window. The drive was tree lined. The back lawn leads onto Lake Windermere. Ill leave you to unpack.

Thank you. The room was bare except for a bunk bed in the corner and a small chest of drawers beside it. I pushed my suitcase under the bed. This is your new home, Hikey. I put my arms around myself.

The housekeeper returned. Were short staffed at the moment, youll have to wait on at dinner, be in the kitchen for seven oclock, silver service. Do you have a black skirt and white blouse?

No.

Well get them! Borrow them. She left the room. I opened the door slightly in case of fire and switched the light on and off three times. I sat beside the bundle of bedding she had left for me. Holding my tummy, I could smell the countryside, desperately wanting to run home. I watched the door, half expecting Mrs Lichenstein or Matron to walk in with a glass of egg and milk. The door opened. I held my hand to my nose, covering my profile.

Whats your name? A young woman asked.

Jane Levene. I mumbled frowning.

Im Julie. Im a chambermaid. Whats the matter with your face?

Nothing, I replied, my head bowed.

Are you coming outside to sunbathe?

No, Im tired. Im having a shloff. I said, wishing she would go away.

A what?

Nothing, I whispered, opening my suitcase. Packed on top of the clothes were three Mars bars and three packets of crisps. I pushed them under the pillow. Reaching for the blanket that was neatly folded at the foot of the bed and wrapping myself in it, I curled up, comforted by the warmth. Gehen shloffen, Hikey.

I awoke, my heart banging so loudly and rapidly I thought it would explode. Feeling my pulse, gasping to get the air to the bottom of my lungs, my heart had stopped. I stood up, stamping my foot hard on the floor. I felt my pulse again, this time I could feel my heart beating. Laying down on the bed once more and relieved to be alive, I was shaking uncontrollably. Feeling very hungry I ripped the paper off the Mars bars eating them in quick succession. Soon all the crisps had been eaten as well. I could hear voices outside the bedroom. The door opened again.

Its our teatime, a young woman with black curly hair said in a broad Liverpool accent. Im Anne. Come on, Ill show you where the kitchen is. My friend Babs is down there. Are you waiting on later?

Yes.

Have you done silver service before?

No, I was nearly a punch card operator. I can make backs and sleeves.

We joined the queue in the kitchen. The chef handed each person a plate of cold meat and salad. My heart sank. I knew that would never fill me up. Im very hungry. He looked at me and placed some boiled new potatoes on my plate. Thank you. I followed the girls to the staff room. Sitting on an easy chair, in the corner of the room, my head bowed, I devoured all the food on the plate. For a moment I watched the young people sat around the table. I didnt want to sit with them. One of the girls caught my eye. I looked away, covering my nose. I heard giggling. The housekeeper appeared.

Come on girls, its time for service. We followed her to the main kitchen where the chef was preparing the evening meals. I told you to borrow a black skirt and white blouse. Youd better take your coat off. The other girls went through to the dining room to take orders. Soon all the orders were piling up, everyone was rushing about the kitchen. The housekeeper handed me a silver platter along with a large spoon and fork. On the platter were four grilled plaice. I told you to take off your coat!

I want to be a chambermaid. I dont know how to do this. She pointed me in the direction of the dining room doors.

Table nine. Go on! I pushed the door open using my back.

There are people out there. I said my hands shaking.

Theyre waiting for their meals. Go on. I was in the dining room. My legs froze as I watched all the people eating. I looked for the kitchen door pushing my way back through it. The housekeeper looked at me, then at the platter containing the plaice.

I dont like it out there. I turned around and the plaice landed on the floor.

Can I work in the bedrooms please?

Yes! She snapped. I went back to the bedroom hoping I wouldnt get the sack. Sitting on the bed with my suitcase on my lap, I held it tightly, it felt so warm and comforting. I wondered how long I would be able to stay here. Opening the case I looked at my photographs and candlesticks. The housekeeper entered the room. Report to the kitchen at six thirty a.m, and you can have your breakfast. Youre on morning teas before you start the rooms.

Whats morning teas?

Its for people who want tea in their rooms before breakfast.