David Feherty - The Power of Positive Idiocy

Also by David Feherty

A Nasty Bit of Rough

An Idiot for All Seasons

Somewhere in Ireland, a Village Is Missing an Idiot

David Fehertys Totally Subjective History of the Ryder Cup: A Hardly Definitive, Completely Cockeyed, but Absolutely Loving Tribute to Golfs Most Exciting Event

For my f-troop, I love you like brothers (you sick bastards),
Rear Cardinal Kell, Lindsey, and Ziggy,
the worst beagle in Texas.

The strangest thing happened to me since my last book was published. Actually, I find the mere fact that my last book was published strange enough, but since then I have sobered up, stopped taking narcotics as a hobby, and for the most part Ive managed to get a handle on the clinical depression that has haunted me for many years. All of this has given me a new purchase on life (I dont believe in leasing) and a clearer view of how lucky Ive been to go through all of this in these great united states of America. I am convinced that if I had been living anywhere else in the world, Id have been planted before I reached 50, but here in America, mental illness and addiction are accepted much more as normal human phenomena, and therefore it is much easier to get help. Also, its no surprise to me that my return to the real world coincided with my first USO visit to Iraq and my subsequent involvement with wounded American soldiers both in theater and here at home, in places like Walter Reed, Bethesda Naval Medical Center, and the Brook Army Medical Center at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. To say they have been an inspiration is the understatement of my life. Compared to them, I have no problems.

A great friend of mine recently told me that we all know when we are born, but only the lucky ever find out why. I am one of those lucky few, and apparently the men and women who serve this country in the five branches of its armed services are my reason. Every smile I put on their faces is a treasure to me, every minute I get to spend with them, an honor. They have been my most valuable therapy, and outside of my family, the most wonderful gift I have received. This book is dedicated to all of them, wherever they are, and my greatest wish is that they come home safely.

I hear and read it all the time, in newspapers like the New York Times and TV stations like CNN, that this has been an unpopular war. Now, I may be an Irish person, and like A. A. Milnes beloved bear, of very little brain, but I do not understand this statement. In fact, it makes me want to vomit. Its as if WW2 was a hoot, or Korea was one giant episode of M*A*S*H. Of course its unpopular, you idiots, its a fucking war! Thats at least as stupid as saying were having an unpopular recession, and I cant help but feel that the New York Times might report on the conflict in the Middle East a little more accurately if we could convince them that its a camouflage fashion show. Perhaps someone at the Pentagon ought to take a shot at thatjust a suggestion. I have spent considerable time in the Middle East, first playing professional golf, and more recently on USO-sponsored troop visits, where I have been amazed by the job American and coalition troops have done, and the difference between what I have seen with my own eyes and what I see on the news and read in our papers. It seems to me that the only time we see soldiers in the news is when something has gone wrong. Perhaps a soldier has snapped under the immense strain of operating outside the wire of the forward operating bases, or civilians have been killed. America holds its armed forces to an incredibly high standard, and what stands for justice must be seen to be served. The fact that we are at war becomes irrelevant unless the price of gasoline is $4 a gallon.

What these soldiers have endured in order to eradicate the kind of people who, in my opinion, have given up their right to be treated as members of our species, has not been properly reported, as apparently the average American does not have the stomach for it. Frequently, our troops find the remains of children who have been tortured to death in front of their parents. A childs head on a stick, stuck in the dirt outside a house, is often a reminder of what happens to those who are seen talking to or cooperating with American or other coalition forces. American armed forces are presently engaged in making sure that the type of people who engage in this subhuman behavior do not make it to American soil, for the cold truth is that this is what they would like to do to our children.

Every day, there are countless occasions upon which our troops display extraordinary skill, compassion, and restraint while performing their duties under the most difficult and stressful conditions. Yet we hardly ever hear about this. They fight an army that refuses to wear a uniform, but they are continuously criticized when civilians are killed. Again, America seems to forget we are at war, and once more for the record, I believe we are fighting enemies that have given up their right to be treated as members of our species. I dont know about anyone else, but when it comes down to it, if civilians have to die, I prefer them to be residents of another country.

So call me old-fashioned, but when one of our brave men or women comes home with an injury sustained in the act of protecting this great country, I believe it is the duty of every American resident, citizen or not, to do whatever is within their means to help. With USO supporters like Gary Sinise and Robin Williams (to name but a couple), we are making headway into the damage done to Vietnam vets by Jane Fonda and her ilk, but we still have a long way to go before our population truly understands how much they owe the men and women of our volunteer armed forces. Some may consider it to be the governments job to look after these people, but not I. Furthermore, although my Troops First Foundation is a registered 501c3, I do not consider it or the USO a charity. Supporting organizations like these is merely a way of paying a tiny part of the bill that we owe our armed servicemen and servicewomen for the protection they have given so much of themselves to provide. Our troops do not lose their lives or limbs, they give them, so that we and our children may continue to enjoy the freedom and quality of life that most of us take for granted.

I am not an American citizen yet, but Im working at it. During the course of my studies for the entrance exam (which most Americans would fail), I have become somewhat obsessed with the third president of the United States, Thomas Jefferson. Sir Winston Churchill may have been the greatest man of the twentieth century, but the more I read Thomas Jeffersons words, the more convinced I become that he was the greatest human being ever born. Its a shame that every country didnt have a man such as he was. Jeffersons Virginia Resolution, which became the first amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America, is arguably the greatest piece of literature ever written, for it safeguards us all against the governmental cancer more commonly known as organized religion. Most of the original settlers of this country fled to these shores to escape religious persecution, and Jefferson was determined to ensure that they stayed escaped. He was among the first to recognize that religious leaders kept their power by keeping people ignorant and afraid, and therefore controllable. History, he said in an 1813 letter to Baron Alexander von Humboldt (whoever the hell