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Copyright Gail Louw, 2018
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PB ISBN: 9781786824158
E ISBN: 9781786824165
Cover artwork by Leon Kreel ARPS
Photo of Heather Long in The Mitfords
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JOE HO HO
Characters
LINDA SPARROW, 40
BERYL SPARROW, 70
JOE, 35 40
SAHID KHAN, 40
The play takes place in LINDA and BERYLs flat.
Jo Ho Ho was first performed at Devonshire Park Theatre Eastbourne 5 June 2010
Linda | Moira Brooker |
Beryl | Kate Dyson |
Joe | Jason Pitts |
Sahid | Quill Roberts |
Producer New Vic Production
Director Tony Milner
Production Manager Paul Debreczeny
Stage Manager Jeremy Barnaby
Act One
SCENE 1
In darkness, we hear music and JOE and LINDA murmuring.
JOE: Linda, Linda
LINDA: Oh Joe, Joe!
JOE: Linda, Linda!
LINDA: Nobodys ever kissed me the way you do.
JOE: Linda, Linda!
BERYL: (Calling.) Linda, Linda!
BERYLs calling suddenly becomes much louder than JOEs murmuring. LINDA comes out of the bedroom door and, switches on the light and reveals BERYL looking at the sofa with her knickers round her ankles.
BERYL: Linda. I cant find the chain.
LINDA: Mum!
BERYL: It was here earlier.
LINDA: Oh God!
BERYL: Ugh. Thats horrible, Linda. Is that mine? Why doesnt this toilet have a hole?
LINDA takes off her knickers and walks her to the bathroom off stage. On the way she says
BERYL: Is it morning? Do I have to go back to bed? Im hungry. I want my breakfast
LINDA: Mum! You know where the toilet is!
LINDA comes back in to the lounge with plastic gloves, a bucket and a toilet roll. She cleans up with her back to the audience. JOE enters and starts caressing and nibbling her. She pushes him away, rather irritated. As she is cleaning BERYL speaks.
BERYL: What shall I do now, Linda? Shall I wait for you? Shall I come there?
LINDA: Stop it, Joe. Leave me to clean up this disgusting bloody
JOE: You look so, sexy, in those pink lurex, hmm, come here
BERYL: Linda, where are you? Are you there? Linda, Linda (Panicking.) Linda! Linda!
LINDA: Im here, Mum!
BERYL walks in.
BERYL: Are you cross with me, Linda? Are you? Are you?
LINDA continues cleaning.
LINDA: How am I going to get you to remember
BERYL: Remember what, dear?
LINDA: Remember which is the toilet and which is the sofa.
BERYL: Why do you say that, Linda? I know the difference. What a funny girl you are.
LINDA: Hmm! (Pause.) Come on, lets get you back to bed.
BERYL: No, I dont think so.
LINDA: Well, I think you should.
BERYL: If you want me to, dear.
They move out to the bedroom.
LINDA: Ill be in the lounge. You call if you need me.
BERYL: Thank you dear. You are sweet Linda. You are my sweet girl.
LINDA: Yes mum.
She returns and sits down. JOE is sorting out the records.
LINDA: Do you think Ill make it? Without going mad, I mean.
JOE: Let someone else do it. Someone whos paid to do it. Youll end up nuts. Then wholl love you?
LINDA: I dont care about love.
JOE: Just get rid of her.
LINDA: I cant get rid of her!
JOE: If it was the other way round, she wouldntve hesitated. Trust me. I know. You should have done it years ago. What were you waiting for? What were you trying to prove? That youre a good daughter?
LINDA: Oh stop it.
JOE: That youre good at something.
LINDA: Its not helping!
LINDA puts on some music and tidies up. JOE comes and pulls her for a quick step. She starts to laugh and relax.
BERYL suddenly screams and rushes in.
LINDA: Mum. Whats the matter? What happened?
BERYL: I dont want to be in the cupboard in the dark.
LINDA: But youre not in a cupboard. Youre at home. Youre in your own home.
BERYL: Am I not in the cupboard?
LINDA: No. Youre at home.
BERYL: But how can I get out of the cupboard?
LINDA: Youre not in the cupboard. Look, heres your sofa, and your table. See, its not a cupboard.
BERYL: But why did you put me in the cupboard?
LINDA: I didnt. You werent in a cupboard.
BERYL: It was your fault.
LINDA: What was my fault?
BERYL: I wouldnt have done it if it wasnt for you.
LINDA: What wouldnt you have done?
BERYL: I wouldntve taken the biscuits. I didnt mean to take them. It wasnt my fault. I hate him!
LINDA: Who do you hate?
BERYL: I just wanted one biscuit. I didnt mean to take them all.
LINDA: You can have all the biscuits you want.
BERYL: But that man
LINDA: Which man?
BERYL: That man, which man, it must have been daddy said they might kill me.
LINDA: Oh darling! Im sure he didnt mean it.
BERYL: You always stick up for him. He said hed kill me.
LINDA: I dont mean to stick up for him.
BERYL: But you do. You always do.
LINDA: I wont anymore. I dont even know him.
BERYL: But hes daddy.
