David Walliams - Demon Dentist

For my tightly folded bud

Thank yous:

A few very impootment thankingyous*.

Firstness*, the greatportant* Tony Ross, for once again bringing my words to life with your fantmazingillicous* illustrawings*.

Thankingyou* too to the head of childrens books at HarperCollins, Ann-Janine Murtagh, for all your beliefmentness* in me and my boovels*.

The editor Ruth Alltimes must be thankinged *

too for her meticuliffilous* editnessment*.

Kate Clarke and Elorine Grant, thankingyou both for your incrediment* cover and text designyness*.

The publicimitiousness* for this boovel* was organmented* by Sam White and Geraldine Stroud, thankingyou* ladymen*.

Thankingyou* too to the desk editor Lily Morgan.

Finallingness*, a hugalumptious* thankingyou * to my agent Paul Stevens at Independent. You are the bestmentiousness*.

Multiple made-up word and phraseALERTS

BEWARE.

THIS IS A

HORROR STORY.

WITH QUITE

A LOT OF

MADE-UP WORDS.

Darkness had come to the town. Strange things were happening in the dead of night. Children would put a tooth under their pillow at bedtime, excitedly waiting for the tooth fairy to leave a coin. In the morning they would wake up to find something unspeakable under there. A dead slug. A live spider. Hundreds and hundreds of earwigs creeping and crawling beneath their pillow. Or worse. Much worse

Someone or something had come into their bedrooms in the hours of darkness, snatched the tooth and left a blood-curdling calling card behind.

Evil was at work.

But who or what was behind it?

How could they sneak into childrens bedrooms without being seen?

And what could they possibly want with all those teeth?

Meet the characters in this story:

Alfie, a boy with rotten teeth

Dad, Alfies dad

Gabz, a little girl

Miss Root, a dentist

Fang, her cat

Miss Hare, a Science teacher

Winnie, a social worker

Raj, a newsagent

PC Plank, a policeman

Texting Boy, a boy who never stops texting

Mr Grey, a headmaster

Mr Snood, a Drama teacher

Mrs Morrissey, an old lady

Alfie hated going to the dentist. As a result the boys teeth were almost all yellow. The ones that werent yellow were brown. They bore the stains of all the goodies that children love, but dentists hate. Sweets, fizzy drinks, chocolate. The teeth that were neither yellow nor brown simply werent there any more. They had fallen out. One had bitten into a toffee and stayed there. Assorted fruit-flavoured chews had claimed others. This is what young Alfie looked like when he smiled

Thats because this twelve-year-old boy hadnt gone to the dentist since he was very little.

Alfies last visit was when he was around six. It was a simple case of toothache, but it ended in disaster. The dentist was an ancient man, Mr Erstwhile. Despite his good intentions, Mr Erstwhile should have retired many years before. The dentist looked like a tortoise, an old tortoise at that. He wore glasses so thick they made his eyes appear to be the size of tennis balls. Mr Erstwhile told Alfie the tooth in question was rotten, a filling wouldnt save it and unfortunately he had no option but to take it out.

The dentist yanked and yanked and yanked with his huge steel forceps. But the tooth wouldnt come. Mr Erstwhile even rested his foot up on the chair by Alfies head to lever himself against it to help wrench the wretched tooth out. Still it wouldnt come.

The ancient dentist then enlisted the help of his even older dental nurse. Miss Prig was instructed to hold on to him and tug as hard as she could. Even then the tooth wouldnt come.

Soon the hefty receptionist, Miss Veal, was asked to step into the room to help. Miss Veal weighed more than Mr Erstwhile and Miss Prig put together. But even with all her ballast, the tooth wouldnt come.

Just then the dentist had an idea, and ordered Miss Prig to fetch some particularly thick dental floss. He carefully tied the floss around the forceps, and then looped it around Miss Veals ample frame. The dentist then instructed his rotund receptionist to leap out of the window on the count of three. But even with all of Miss Veals immense weight yanking on the boys tooth, it still wouldnt come.

With poor young Alfie still lying in terror on the dentists chair, Mr Erstwhile stepped into his waiting room to request reinforcements. The growing crowd of patients waiting to be seen were all called upon to assist. Young and old, fat and thin, the elderly dentist needed all the help he could get.

Nevertheless, even with a lengthy human chain and an army of yankers, the tooth stayed well and truly put.