Pamela Redmond Satran - Rabid: Are You Crazy About Your Dog or Just Crazy?

Also by Pamela Redmond Satran

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The Home for Wayward Supermodels

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The Man I Should Have Married

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1,000 Ways to Be a Slightly Better Woman

Beyond Ava & Aiden

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Beyond Jennifer & Jason, Madison & Montana

The Baby Name Bible

Introduction

ure, youre crazy about your dog. Your grandparents might have kept Rover chained up behind the garage and fed him some crap kibble, but you wouldnt do that kind of thing any more than you would paddle your child or dine on boiled, well, hotdogs .

The dog universe has changed radically since Rovers day. Dog ownership is at an all-time high, with more households including dogs than children under eighteen. Half of dog owners consider their dogs to be equal members of the family, 75 percent say theyd go into debt for their dogs, and over 90 percent would risk their lives to save their dogs.

Weve become more enlightened in recent years about the lives of animals, more sensitive to their rights and their emotions, and more conscious of their importance to our well-being. At the same time, more of us delay marriage, get divorced, live alone, put off having kids, or decide not to have them at all. Which all adds up to our dogs assuming greater importance in our lives.

And so Rover isnt called Rover or one of those objectifying, marginalizing names anymore: hes called Rufusor Lola or Max or Sadie or one of the other human names that dominate the canine Top 10.

Rufus doesnt stay home alone all day whining at squirrels; instead, he and Max and Sadie go to doggie day care, where theyre fed organic chow and videotaped for the benefit of their human parents.

Behavioral problems? You take your dog to a traineror maybe a canine shrink.

Rufus was Princess Leia for Halloween (he has some gender issues that the testicular implants and the meat-flavored Prozac didnt really begin to address). His favorite treats are the pink, frosted martini-shaped ones, though if he doesnt cut back he may have to slim down with a regimen of low-carb food and yoga.

And okay, he sleeps in your bed, but you never let him put his head on the pillow and crawl under the covers.

Or at least thats what you tell everybody because you dont want them to think youve crossed the line from being crazy about your dog to just crazy.

The thing is, its really hard in our over-the-top dog culture to tell exactly where that line is. Is it reasonable to bake your pooch those sweet potato muffins she loves, but crazy to turn her vegetarian? Is it normal to have your pet professionally photographed, but crazy to buy her dogcentric musicplayed via special dog-sensitive speakersthat you cant even hear?

To help you judge, weve laid out the range of possibilitiesfrom endearingly loopy to scarily nutson topics from hairstyles to health treatments, celebrities to death. Where do you put yourself? And what about all those other dog people? I guarantee that no matter how crazy you may have gotten about your dog, theres somebody crazier out there. Much, much crazier.

The bottom line may be that no matter how far you go, it makes no difference to Rufus. Whether you string diamonds or a plastic collar around his neck, whether you feed him Kobe beef or Grandpas stale kibble, hes going to love you just as madly. And in the face of that kind of insane devotion, can anything we do truly be called crazy?

What, youre letting your dog go out like that ? With all the new grooming and fashion products and styles around, dog owners cant just let their dogs run around uncombed, unpolished, naked . Pet Fashion Weeks in New York and Japan feature runway shows, design and grooming competitions, and exhibition halls full of new ideas. Here are the major canine style trends in both beauty and fashion.

Used to be, taking your dog to the groomer meant a quick bath, a session with the clippers, and a pet who looked like a newly shorn Marine but at least no longer smelled of skunk. Now, though, the array of possible treatments is much more luxurious, with real canine spa menus offering the following options:

Pawdicure. Nail smoothing, pad/elbow treatment, colored pawlish, and even a glittery topcoat or stick-ons that can make your dog look just like that slutty checkout girl at ShopRite.

Soothing hot oil soak. Why merely condition your pets coat when you can soak him in a vat of hot oil? No wait, that doesnt sound good. Whatever: this is recommended for itching and allergies.

Anal gland expression. Is your dog scooting his bottom or doing an unusual amount of embarrassing licking? Then anal gland expression may be in order, and yes, its exactly what it sounds like. External or internal expression of the anal glands releases a substance that can cause unpleasant odor or discomfort for your dog. And really, just the fact that someone will do this for $10, the price at most salons we surveyed, should be enough to make you get it, whether your dog needs it or not.

Sanitary trim. Basically, a doggie Brazilian.