Todd Strasser - Wish You Were Dead

To the folks at Egmont,

who I hope will all live

long and joyous lives.

Str-S-d #1

Today at school Lucy Cunningham looked at me like I was something the cat coughed up. I dont have to explain who Lucy is. You already know, because theres only one kind of girl who would look at anyone that way. Im going to be completely honest here because this is my new blog, so whats the point of pretending? So here goes. It really hurts when Lucy looks at me that way. But heres what hurts even more. Sometimes when people look at me that way, I feel like maybe theyre right.

0 Comments

Str-S-d #2

I hate myself. I know Im not supposed to say that. Im supposed to say that deep down I know Im a really good person and only shallow people care about appearances. Well, I guess deep down Im really shallow because I would give anything not to look like me. Why couldnt I have been born pretty? Or really smart and clever? Or talented? Anything.

2 Comments

ApRilzDay said

Hello? WOW, I just read your blog. Hey, I dont know you, but I really wish you felt better about yourself. I mean, dont YOU believe everyone has something good about themselves? And you ARE talented. That line about deep down youre really shallow is FUNNY.

Str-S-d said

It is? I didnt mean it that way. But thanks anyway, I guess.

Str-S-d #3

This girl once asked me why I didnt at least wear nicer clothes. Thats what she said: at least. As if it bothered her that I didnt even try. Not that my mom has the money. But thats not the real answer. The real answer is: Do you know what would happen if I tried to wear nicer clothes to school? Theyd say, Oh, look at her. Shes trying to fix herself up. How hopeless is that? Why do they have to be so mean and catty?

3 Comments

Realgurl4013 said

Cause theyre totally inseeecure and neeed 2 find someone 2 dump on so people wont dump on them.

ApRilzDay said

It really isnt about what THEY think. Its about what YOU think. Wearing nice new things makes ME feel good. I mean, I guess I do care what other people think. But its really for ME. Maybe you could TRY it once and see what happens? You might be surprised.

Str-S-d said

I guess I could try.

Str-S-d #4

I want to die. I would kill myself right now if I had the guts. Today I did something nice with my hair and wore this cute top my aunt got me for my birthday and God, I cant believe I did this a padded bra? And they laughed. You know how they bunch up in the hall and stare at you, then turn to each other and laugh and keep glancing at you to make sure you know its you theyre laughing at? I just wanted to die, vanish, evaporate, cease to exist. And the worst thing was I was stuck there. At least until lunch. Then I went home and changed. I didnt know how I could go back to school, but then I remembered my mom had this medicine for when she gets really upset. Its not like it gets you high or anything. So I figured, just this once. It helped a little.

4 comments

Realgurl4013 said

Hey, hey, I say, whatever gets you through the day day, is Oh-Oh-Okay.

4204ever said

Doesnt get you high? Then whats the point?

ApRilzDay said

Seriously? Im so sorry that happened! I mean, I feel like its partly MY fault for suggesting it. But at least YOU were BRAVE enough to try, right? Maybe if you keep doing it theyll get used to it and not even notice anymore.

Str-S-d said

You cant be serious. Try again? You obviously dont have a clue how horrible it feels.

Str-S-d #5

Its taken me a long time to get to this point. I said I was being honest in this blog, but I wasnt completely because I didnt say what I was really thinking. I mean, wishing people would die. Thats how I really feel most of the time. I just wish they would die. I didnt write it before because I tell myself I shouldnt feel that way. But the more I try to rid myself of these thoughts, the stronger they grow. So forget trying to be nice. Forget trying to pretend. Those people have made my life miserable. I want them to die.

Ill begin with Lucy. She is definitely first on the list. You cant believe how it feels to be in the cafeteria and turn around and there she is staring at me like Im some disgusting bug or vermin. Does she really think I WANT to be this way? I hate you, Lucy. I really hate you. You are my #1 pick. I wish you were dead.

5 Comments

Realgurl4013 said

I know just how you feel. Popular kids suuuck.

Ru22cool? said

Did it ever occur to you to try and improve your looks instead of just being a crybaby complainer?

Str-S-d said

Go read Str-S-d #4, Ru22.

IaMnEmEsIs said

Perhaps your wish will come true.

ApRilzDay said

Im sorry, but I think this is REALLY wrong. I know they were really nasty mean to you the other day, but you have to realize that its just because THEYRE the stupid and immature ones. But wishing someone would die is really wrong. Really.

Sunday 3:09 A.M.

THE RED TAILLIGHTS of Tyler Starlings ugly purple car disappeared into the dark. It was just after three A.M., chilly and quiet. Lucy Cunningham stepped off her front walk and strolled down the dark tree-lined street. The last thing she needed was for her father to look through the bedroom window and see her smoking.

Lucy hugged herself, her thin jacket not warm enough in the crisp November air. Except for a few lights above front doors, the houses on her block were dark. In the sky above, stars sparkled through the bare tree branches. It was almost eerily silent, but Lucy was too busy thinking about the fight shed just had with Adam to notice.

On the surface, the argument had been about the future. She wanted to apply to Stanford. But Adam was dead set on Harvard. Being both an excellent lacrosse goalie and a straight-A student with 2300 boards, he had a very good chance of being accepted. But why couldnt he also apply to Stanford? Their lacrosse team was better than Harvards.