Vernon Coleman - Secrets of Paris: Paris for Beginners: An Insiders Guide

Secret of Paris

Paris for Beginners: An Insider's Guide

The perfect book for your trip to Paris.

Vernon Coleman

CopyrightVernon Coleman 2014

The right of Vernon Coleman to be identified as theauthor of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designsand Patents Act 1988.

ISBN 978-1-898146-11-7

Dedication

There's a good reason for this book being written in thefirst person plural rather than the first person singular. The reason is DonnaAntoinette Coleman. She has worn out many pairs of shoes, and gained countlessblisters, tramping the streets of Paris and helping me research this book. WithDonna Antoinette by my side Paris always looks at its beautiful best. Secretsof Paris is dedicated to her with my thanks as well as all my love. It isher book just as much as it is mine. (Though, naturally, errors and omissionsare my responsibility.)

Contents List

Preface

There are some places in Paris which every touristvisits. The Eiffel Tower, Sacre Coeur, the place du Tetre, the Louvre and theChamps-Elyses are on everyone's list of `must-see'. You can't go to Pariswithout standing on a traffic island at the bottom of the Champs-Elyses andtaking a photograph of the traffic racing up towards the Arc de Triomphe. It'swhat everyone does. You have to stand at the bottom at Rond Point at night andlook up. Then walk up and down. Everybody does. No reason. They just do.

Nor can youvisit Paris for the first time without joining the throngs queuing to shuffleinto Notre Dame. (Well, you can. But it would be a pity. And, remember, if youend your trip to Paris with heaps of things left to do, then you will alwayshave something to look forward to for your next visit.)

But,wonderful as these iconic places are (and they all are wonderful and well wortha visit, there are many other places in Paris which are a real delight to visitbut which the usual tourist buses and official tours don't and won't take youto. Nor will the usual guide books recommend them.

We've spentyears putting together this list of our favourite Parisian secrets (and wornout many pairs of shoes and acquired countless blisters in the process). We'reconfident that if you spend a little time following our suggestion to wanderoff the beaten track, and look at Paris from a slightly different angleoccasionally, you won't regret it.

Mostguidebooks are filled with dull and immediately forgettable information aboutthe dates buildings were commissioned and the dates their architects were bornand died. You might, for example, discover that Paris used to be called Pariseaand before that was known as Lutetia. But, quite frankly, who cares?Unashamedly and unapologetically we haven't included any so-called `useful'information in this book. Secrets of Paris is designed to give you thesort of gossipy, genuinely helpful information a friend who knows Paris wouldgive you. Paris is one of the easiest cities in the world to understand and tofind your way around - once you know the secrets. We've also included someparagraphs designed to introduce to you the Parisians; to help you learn how toenjoy Paris and understand the French.

You willsee, incidentally, that this book contains none of the advertisements or overtrecommendations which so often seem to be scattered in modern guide books. Thismeans that as authors our only allegiance is to you, the reader. And we wouldalso like to assure you that we have received no sponsorships or freebies orcut price anythings (or have we ever tried to obtain any). Where we recommendparticular services or shops it is purely because we have found them to beworth recommending.

Finally,we've tried to make this a book you'll find fun to read as well as to use as areference guide.

EnjoyParis. It's difficult not to.

VernonColeman, Paris

Part 1: The Planning

1. Don't go to Paris in August

However tempted you may be by the special offer pricesavailable from your travel agent, don't, please don't go to Paris in August.Almost any month of the year will be fine (we prefer September and early Octoberto April) but going to Paris in August is not a good idea.

Unless youhave lived in Paris, or explored away from the main tourist haunts you willprobably have no idea of the extent of the August shutdown. Even in the touristareas many shops and attractions are shut. Tourism lasts all around the year inParis. To the French August is a month for holidays away from the city.

We too hadno idea just how complete the shutdown is until we discovered that we had aleak in our Parisian apartment. We have a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week servicecontract with a plumbing company and the idea is, of course, quite simple. Ifwe have a plumbing problem we ring them and they send someone round to dealwith it. For this service we give them money.

We shouldhave known that something was wrong from the fact that we had to ring fivetimes before anyone answered the telephone.

`We havewater leaking from a pipe,' we told the rather bored sounding man whoeventually picked up the receiver.

`What isyour address?' he asked.

We toldhim.

`Someonewill come in September,' he said.

`September!'we cried, aghast. `We have water pouring from a leaky pipe.'

`It isAugust,' he explained. We could hear the shrug of indifference. `Everyone is onholiday.'

What was sosurprising was his astonishment that we should expect a plumber to be availablein August.

In the endwe decided, in the best French fashion, that the leaky pipe was not ourproblem. It was the problem of the people in the apartment below. And they, ofcourse, were away for August. In Paris, thats the way things are done. Cestla vie.

You are, ofcourse, unlikely to need a plumber if you're going to Paris on holiday. ButAugust is still not a good time to visit. Not only are many cafs, bars andshops closed for the month but you will also find that the streets and parksare empty of Parisians and full of sweaty tourists most of them wearing heavybackpacks. If you visit Paris in August you will come away with a very low viewof the place.

The otherreason for not going to Paris in August is the weather. August has always beena hot month in Paris but since global warming took a hold on the world thetemperatures in the capital have become unbearable (July has now become toohot, too). A candle in our apartment actually drooped and melted into ashapeless lump of wax during one particularly nasty heat wave. Even the pigeonswere feeling too knackered to fly. They just sat on ledges and did nothing. Theheat is, of course, why the Parisians spend August somewhere else. And it's whyyou, too, should keep away. Ignore the fact that hotels offer good prices inAugust. The prices are low then for a very good reason. If you do not followthis advice you will regret it. `We should have done what the book said,' oneof you will say, as you both lie exhausted and soaked on your hotel beds. `But itwas 10% cheaper,' the other will reply. And then the row will start and youwill end up paying a fortune to abandon your holiday and go back home.

2. Make sure youwear comfortable clothes and shoes

Wear comfortable shoes and comfortable clothes - preferablywith loads of zip pockets. But if you don't want the Parisians to depress youwith their sneers we suggest that you wear something that is reasonably chic.Don't wear shorts or anything that would look well suited to a Spanish beach.The Parisians are offended by anything made out of shiny nylon or materialwhich contains pictures of palm trees. We don't wish to offend you bymentioning these things, simply to help you avoid finding yourself the objectof scorn and pity.

If youcan't stuff everything you need into your pockets, and you need to take a bagwith you when you are out and about, make sure that it is light and has zippockets. Zips on pockets and bags will provide you with some protection againstpick pockets (especially if the zips stick a bit and are difficult to open) butwe suggest that you carry valuables (passport and money) in a hidden moneybelt. Just keep enough money for each day's needs in the wallet you carry inyour pocket or handbag. This, incidentally, will be the wallet you hand over ifyou are robbed - it is what we call a `mugger's wallet'. To make your `mugger'swallet' look authentic add a couple of old, expired membership cards, whichwill be no loss to you and of no value to anyone else. Our mugger's walletscontain: a membership card for a video library which was converted into aChinese take away in 1996, an impressive looking discount card for a fish andchip shop which has been a mobile phone shop since 1994 and an expired entrancepass for the Casino in Monte Carlo.