Bathroom Readers� Institute - Uncle Johns giant 10th anniversary bathroom reader

The Bathroom Readers
Institute

Bathroom Readers Press
Ashland, Oregon

UNCLE JOHNS

GIANT 10th ANNIVERSARY

BATHROOM READER

Copyright 1997 by The Bathroom Readers Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Bathroom Reader and Bathroom Readers Institute are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor, Inc. All rights reserved.

For information, write The Bathroom Readers Institute,

P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520

www.bathroomreader.com

Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld

BRI Technician on back cover: Larry Kelp

Uncle Johns Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

by The Bathroom Readers Institute

eISBN: 978-1-60710-669-2

E-Book Edition: November 2012

One Tough Lama, reprinted with permission from CyberSangha: The Buddhist Alternative Journal, copyright 1996.

Sex in Aladdin: Anatomy of a Rumor, copyright 1995; Is Your Name Your Destiny?, copyright 1997, and The First Computer Programmers, copyright 1996, reprinted by permission of the Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones and Co., Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

A Clean Fight: Bath vs Shower, by Jay Stuller, reprinted with permission from HEALTH (formerly IN HEALTH), copyright 1990.

What a Trip! The CIA & LSD, Silkwood, and Castro vs. the CIA, originally appeared in Its a Conspiracy! by The National Insecurity Council. Text copyright 1992, by Michael Litchfield. Published by EarthWorks Press. Reprinted by permission of EarthWorks Press.

Selections from Primetime Proverbs, copyright 1989, by Jack Mingo and John Javna, reprinted by permission of the authors.

The Insane Experiment, by David Perlman, copyright 1973, San Francisco Chronicle, reprinted with permission.

Elvis Sings Opera, and So You Want to be a Rock and Roll Star? from Behind the Hits, copyright 1985, by Bob Shannon and John Javna, reprinted by permission of the authors.

The Great Regurgitator and The Proverbial Truth extracts from THE BOOK OF LISTS, copyright 1980, by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace, Sylvia Wallace, and Amy Wallace and DAVID WALLECHINSKYS TWENTIETH CENTURY copyright 1995 by David Wallechinsky, reprinted with kind permission from the authors.

Who Painted the Elevator?, from Opus Maledictorum: A Book of Bad Words copyright 1966 by Reinhold Aman, reprinted by permission of the publisher, Marlowe & Co.

Countdown to 2000, Exploitation 2000, from The Bathroom Readers Guide to the Year 2000, copyright 1996, by Eric Lefcowitz, reprinted by permission of EarthWorks Press.

Excerpts used in Japans Space-Age Toilets, from But Do They Flush?, by Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan (Washington Post Foreign Service), copyright 1997, The Washington Post, reprinted with permission.

Alias Alan Smithee, from Allen Smithee, copyright 1996, The Economist Newspaper Group, Inc., reprinted with permission. Further reproduction prohibited.

Encyclopedia Bathroomica, originally appeared as Encyclopedia Tropicana: A Reference Book to the Modern World, by Joel Achenbach, copyright 1986. Reprinted with permission of The Miami Herald.

Techno-Slang, from Jargon Watch by Gareth Branwyn, copyright 1996. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Gareth Branwyn and Wired Books, Inc.

Looking Forward, Looking Back, was originally the Palo Alto High School Baccalaureate Speech given June 11, 1995 by Guy Kawasaki, copyright 1995 Guy Kawasaki. Used by his kind permission.

Radio Waves from Reading the Numbers, A Survival Guide to the Measurements, Numbers, and Sizes Encountered in Everyday Life, copyright 1989, Beaver Island Books. Permission to reprint by Mary Blocksma.

Calling all Bathroom Readers!

Visit our new website at

www.unclejohn.com or

www.bathroomreader.com

Submit articles! Enter contests!

Suggest topics for future editions!

The Bathroom Readers Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible.

John Javna

John Dollison

Gordon Javna

Jack Mingo

Lenna Lebovich

Tim Harrower

Erik Linden

Sage

Jennifer Massey

David Sugar (Prof. Pear)

Erin Keenan

Casey Bourgeois

Melissa Schwarz

Sharilyn Hovind

Andy Sohn

Michael Brunsfeld

Sherry Powell

Chris Rose-Merkle

Bla Keenan

David Wallechinsky

Scott Dalgarno

Stephanie Keenan

Askjanis Editorial

Julie Roeming

Lonnie Kirk

Paul Stanley

Bennie Slomski

Jeff Altemus

Valerie Hendel

Jeff Painter

Paul Protter

Shelley Brigman

Mary Kaufman

Andrea Freewater

Abby Granach

Richard Moeschl

Jenny McCracken

Bill Eriksen

Peter McCracken

Thomas Crapper

Jesse & Sophie, B.R.I.T.

Steve Brummett

Sam and Sarah

Hi to Emily and Molly!

The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them

Samuel McChord Crothers, The Gentle Reader

Hiya Gideon! Hiya Sam!

NOTE

Because the B.R.I. understands your reading needs, weve divided the contents by length as well as subject.

Shorta quick read

Medium1 to 3 pages

Longfor those extended visits, when something a little more involved is required.

*Extendedfor a leg-numbing experience.

T oday, on the way to work, Uncle John stopped at a coffee stand to brace for the final push to get this book to the printer. He noticed some French Vanilla Coffee Mate on a table, and mused that it might make a good article. Oh, you write? said the kid making the coffee. Whaddya write?

Books. Something called the Bathroom Reader.

Youre kidding! I grew up with them! My grandma has the whole collection!

Thats when Uncle John realized how long hes been doing this. We at the Bathroom Readers Institute are actually writing for a second generation of bathroom readers! I cant believe that this series is older than my kids, Uncle John says.

Suddenly its been 10 years and 1.5 million books since the first Bathroom Reader. People know who we are. Weve even spawned imitatorstheres a burgeoning Bathroom Books segment of the publishing industry. We know were extremely lucky to have such loyal readers.

Weve also been lucky, over the years, to have worked with some wonderful people: John D., Lenna L., Michael B., Sharilyn H., Paul Stanley and Julie Roeming at Banta, Andy S., Eric L., and a whole bunch more. By the waythats Larry Kelp of the BRI on the back cover, not Uncle John.