Todd Robinson - The Hard Bounce

2012

The Boy was eight years old when he learned how to hate.

Its still difficult, even today, for him to remember the events in their right order. He knows where they should go, but hard as he tries, they drift through his mind like glitterflakes in a snow globe.

The screaming and the blood followed the first explosion. That much hes sure of. So much blood.

The second explosion. Running at him. Throwing himself at a grown man like a rabid animal unaware that it doesnt stand a chance. He was big for his age. He still didnt stand a chance.

Bang. He was gone. Just like that. Tumbling in and out of consciousness with no idea where he was. What time it was. Who or where he is.

Bang. He was back. A priest. He cant understand him. The inside of an ambulance, feeling it hurtle through the Boston traffic, the doctor unable to control his tears as he tries to stem the tide of blood that wont stop pouring out of him. The Boy didnt know there was that much blood inside of him. He knew he would run out soon. He was terrified.

Bang. On a gurney. Lots of people yelling. He bites somebodys hand. A sharp pinprick in his arm. Where is she?

Bang. Another priest. Hes saying the same unintelligible words as the first.

Months in a hospital. Pain like an eight-year-old should never know exists in this world. Parades of doctors-first for his ruined body, the second for his damaged mind.

He has an anger management problem, they say.

Anger management. Its a nice term for people who can afford it.

Psychologists in two-hundred-dollar sweaters and condescending smiles, telling him:

You need to let it go.

Think about the rest of your life.

Think about how lucky you are.

The world is a beautiful place.

The world is not a beautiful place. Not to The Boy, whos going to need two more operations before he can piss without a tube and spigot.

They ask him why hes such an angry person, what hes so angry at.

Think about how lucky you are.

I cant tolerate a bully, even when my job is to be the biggest swinging dick on the block.

Somebody in the booking office for The Cellar thought that all-ages punk shows on the weekends was a bright idea. Maybe it was. Nobody owned up to having the idea though.

The place was crowded, high school kids with rainbow-tinted hairdos making up most of the audience. The rest were uncomfortable parents watching their babies perform in bands with names like Mazeltov Cocktail and No Fat Chicks. As far as crowds go, they were a nice break from the normal regiment of scumbags, skinheads, punks, frat boys, musicians, and wannabes that we had to deal with. Odds were pretty good we wouldnt be involved in any brawls or dragging overdoses out of the bathroom. All things considered, it should have been a cakewalk day.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Me and Junior handled the shift ourselves: me watching the door while Junior patrolled the three floors of the club. Between the two of us, we could easily police a few dozen skinny tweens. We were less bouncers than babysitters with a combined weight of 470 pounds (mostly mine) and about ten grand in tattoos (mostly Juniors). Every parents dream.

Wed only been open an hour and wed already confiscated seventeen bottles of beer, two bottles of vodka, one of rum, three joints, and seven airplane bottles of tequila. The way it was going, Junior and I would be able to stock our own bars by nightfall.

A collective groan floated out from inside the bar as the ninth inning closed at Fenway. I poked my head in to check the score. 9-3 Yankees.

And it just had to be the fucking Yankees, didnt it?

As I poked my head back out, the first fat droplets of rain spattered on my shoes, as if the angels themselves wept for the poor Sox. I backed under The Cellars fluorescent sign, but the wind zigzagged the drizzle all over me.

At least I was in a better place than Junior. The basement didnt have any ventilation and crowds produced furnace-level temperatures. A hot wind would gust up the stairs when the club got crowded, feeling (and smelling) like Satan farting on your back. If I was hot outside, Junior must have been miserable.

The first wave of baseball fans wandered into Kenmore Square. I could hear chants of Yankees suck approaching from the Fenway area.

Two guys broke off from the herd, stumbling in the bars direction. The bigger guy wore an old Yaztremski jersey and a mullet that would have embarrassed Billy Ray Cyrus in 1994. His buddy wore a backwards old school Patriots hat and a Muffdiving Instructor T-shirt.

Really? Really?

Asshats.

I recognized their tribe immediately, the type of townies who will go to their graves believing they could do a better job than the pros did-if only they hadnt knocked up Mary Lou Dropdrawers senior year.

Those guys.

Mullet looked over, his eyes wide as he saw the crew of punk kids in front of The Cellar. His smile was filled with a bullys joy. He grabbed Buddys collar and pointed his attention toward the kids.

Nice hairdo, the townie called out to the kids milling outside. What are you, some kinda faggot?

I closed my eyes and sighed.

Away we go

Buddy laughed with a mocking hilarity, pointing a finger and looking to the rest of the crowd for an approval he wasnt getting.

A skinny kid, head shaved close and dyed in a leopard skin pattern, turned. Why? You looking for some ass, sailor? the kid yelled back, smacking his bony behind for emphasis. He got some approving chuckles from the passersby and hoots of laughter from the other kids.

Buddy looked pissed off that the kid got the laughs from the crowd that he hadnt.

What did you say to me, bitch? said Mullet, quickstepping toward the bar.

The kid flipped the guy off with both hands and ran back into the club.

When Mullet got a couple of feet from the entrance, I stepped halfway across the doorway. He stopped short and we stood there, shoulder to shoulder.

Whats your problem? Mullet asked, puffing out his chest.

No problem, I said, blowing cigarette smoke out my nose, moving my face closer to his. Its just not happening for you here. Not today.

I wanna get a beer. His breath reeked of soft pretzels and a few too many overpriced Fenway Miller Lites.

Not here youre not. Get one down the street if youre thirsty.

Buddy suddenly found his shoes real fascinating. Mullet and I kept giving each other the hairy eyeball. Its a free country, asshole.

And a wonderful free country it is. This bar isnt, though. Not for you. Not today. I took another long pull from my cigarette and fought the urge to blow the smoke into his face.

Whos gonna stop me, you?

Yup. There it was. The frog was dropped. Lets see if it jumped. I balled my fist around the medium-point Sharpie in my pocket. Bouncers best friend. Wont kill anybody, but hurts like a bitch when jammed between a couple of ribs.

I stood at the long end of his best intimidating stare, which frankly, wasnt. Mullet decided to give it one last shot.

What are you? Some kind of tough guy?

Well, gee golly Hoss, I havent started any fights with twelve-year-olds lately, so Im not sure. I moved my face right into his. One more inch and my cigarette was going up his nose. I removed my hand from my pocket and held it low at my side.

Buddy grabbed Mullets arm, and Mullet twitched like hed been shocked.

Cmon, man. Lets go. Buddys voice cracked like hed just been kicked in the nuts. Now I know why hed minded his own. Hard to talk a tough line when you sound like Minnie Mouse.