James Baldwin - Stained Glass

Vengeance, like most fantasies, is better in the imagining than it is in the execution.

Snappy Joe Grassia Manelli hitman, renowned sadist, and murdering piece of human waste was hog-tied in my trunk. We were headed north along the Interstate, gunning for a place that a long-dead gangster had nicknamed Bozya Akra, Gods Acre. The Yaroshenko Organizatsiya had been planting bodies there since my grandfathers day, and if the Feds ever found it, theyd have enough bones to keep the world in human ivory for the next decade.

It had been a long two weeks, and now that we were nearly there, I felt hollow, sour, even bored. This was the last kill Id make in the USA, maybe for the rest of my life. Id expected to feel satisfaction, some kind of relief. All I felt was nothing. When I glanced in the mirror at my face, it was stiff and cold, skin tight and grayish. I couldnt see anything through that shell of self-containment, the autistic armor Id grown over the course of a short, violent life. There was only a mask: passionless, hard and proud.

The trip to Bozya Akra was nearly the reverse of the one Vassily and I had made earlier in August when wed driven back from Fishkill Correctional. The wind blowing over us from the windows during that ride had been warm, the scents blue and bittersweet with the dog days of summer. Hed come out of prison thinned and brittle. He hadnt been strong enough to survive the odds arrayed against him when everything had gone to shit. The icing on the cake had been when he was kidnapped and his sister killed and now, Snappy Joe and I were fated to share this moment.

The outer fence had rotted to stumps, and the frontage to Bozya Akra was so overgrown that it resembled the rest of the forest. We drove up along that long driveway very slowly, bumping and rumbling over the soft earth, and eventually came to a gentle stop in a clearing not too far from a deep, pre-dug pit. I collected the weapon Id brought for the job, cut the engine and got out, the pulse in my tongue tap-tapping with the tick of cooling metal. The hissing trees filled the silence as I went around and popped the trunk.

Joe squealed when he saw me, eyes bugging over the top of his gag. He was a burly dog of a man, tough and bony as dry chicken. My hands itched in my gloves as I reached in and hauled him out like so much meat, rolling him to the ground with a wet thud. He was beaten to within an inch of his life, his body a coagulated mess of broken bones and livid bruises, and he swooned in a fresh faint as I three inches shorter and a hand broader through the shoulders grasped the top of his head by the hair and dragged him behind me through the mud.

In the dark of my mind, I felt something stir the awareness of my Neshamah. Kutkha roused with dispassionate interest as I set Joe on his knees by the edge of the pit. There was just enough sun left in the day to us to see by. While he swayed and moaned, clawing his way back to consciousness, I cut his gag free, set a piece of razor-sharp broken window glass taken from Mariyas house against his twitching throat, and waited.

The sun was wavering red on the horizon by the time he gurked and lurched a little, catching himself before he toppled forward into the hole. The damp earth sighed under his weight. When he finally righted, he drew a sharp, frightened breath.

Joseph Grassia, I spoke his name slowly, rolling out the ra a little to taste the s that followed. Do you know why were here?

Joes throat worked a little under the blade as he swallowed, mouth working. We were in a clearing behind a thick stand of hemlock and trembling aspen, the trees shivering in the sweet evening breeze. Far from the New York city limit, fifteen miles from the nearest truck stop, we were utterly alone.

RRussian? The Russians? He croaked. No way. Come on, man You

Ukrainian. The blade was rocking, rocking, and beginning to draw a little red. Three weeks ago, you raided an apartment to kidnap my sworn brother. You killed his sister and took him

Please man, plEEE!

With a small shudder, I yanked the shiv in, and he cried out in a surprisingly high, wavering voice. Be quiet while I am speaking, Joseph.

With the click of clenching teeth, he fell silent.

You took him and you doped him up, and now hes dead, Joseph. Their names were Mariya and Vassily Lovenko. I smelled urine, and shuffled my feet apart so it wouldnt get on my shoes. They took me in when I was a kid, when I had nowhere else to go. Do you know what thats like? The desolation of losing your only family?

Oh god. Oh god, stop. Joe rasped now, flesh quivering around the uneven edge of the knife. Stop. Stop.

Did you stop? Have you ever stopped to think about anything in your life? Do you think I had the choice to stop, when your Spook forced me to defile Zarya? The Gift Horse?

Oh god. Youre the Spook. Youre the f-fucking Spook. Joes voice stayed high and girlish, squeaky. Dont please, I didnt fucking do it! I d-d- it was fucking Celso, man! He

My eyes narrowed. Celso Manelli?

Yes YES-S he stammered, unable to find his words for several seconds. It was Celso, Celso called me in. It was you freakin Russkies that started the war, I didnt have nothin to do with it, they just wanted me to drive, all I was doin was driving, I was just!

His voice slowly turned to a dim buzzing drone, and the filthiness of him, the un-reality of his being, suddenly became too much. I am not a telepath, but I didnt need any form of magic to see into Joes mind. The thing in front of me was a man-shaped hole in place of a human being, a sucking void. A NO-thing, greedy and craven. The NO was an infection in the world that ran so deep and so virulent that there was no hope of a cure. This was what the Gift Horse had taught me. And in the bittering weeks since Vassilys death, I saw the influence of the NO in everything.

I pulled Joe up higher on his knees with the shard. He screamed, and kept screaming as I spoke against the nothingness I felt.

I have done it again. One year in every ten, I manage it. A sort of walking miracle, my skin as bright as a Nazi lampshade, my face a featureless, fine Jew linen.

What the FUCK!? Joe was nearly screaming now. He sounded like a frightened hen. The fuck is this? The fuck!

Sylvia Plaths words continued to roll off my tongue in soft measured cadence, as natural as any wizards spell. Peel off the napkin, O my enemy. Do I terrify?

No, no no no, no NO NO!

I punched the shard, a remnant of Mariyas broken bathroom window, through the front of his throat just beside his Adams Apple. Gristle bent and ground under the force of the improvised blade. Joes lamb-like screams turned to garbles as his blood slopped over the back of my glove. I put the hard sole of my shoe against his thin back and pushed him into the pit, face-first, to suffocate his life out on the loose dirt. This was not a kind kill, a mercy stroke through the carotid artery. He would remain conscious until the end.

Dying, is an art. I looked down at him from overhead, pulling the latex gloves off one at a time and throwing them to the ground. And like everything else, I do it exceptionally well.

Joe had not known Mariya. The way she picked sour cherries out of the jar with us while we did homework after school, her patience with our grandmother as Leninas mind dissolved in the grip of Alzheimers Disease. He hadnt known Vassily: his broad shoulders, his long, tattooed hands, the wicked glint in his eyes or the flash of his smile across a room when he turned to face me. Joe would never know the dryness of my mouth when Vassily stripped off his shirt or laughed at my jokes; his effortless intensity when handling a new gadget, a deck of cards, a cigarette. Snappy Joe Grassia was sick, like everything and everyone in the underworld. And so was I.