E.R. Silverman - How to Kick Someone’s Ass: 246 Ways to Take the Bastards Down
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- Book:How to Kick Someone’s Ass: 246 Ways to Take the Bastards Down
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A drunk giant comes charging at you in a bar.
Go with a roundhouse kick, Judo hip throw, or Karate punch to bring him to the ground.
Your cheapskate neighbor refuses to pay you back.
The next time hes on vacation, turn on his backyard hose. By the time he returns home, his yard will be a swamp and his water bill will be through the roof.
Some juiced-up meathead starts trouble at the gym.
Take him down to size with an Aikido wrist twist.
Theres more than one way to skin a cator kick someones ass. In this rough and ready field guide, youll find 365 ways to nail the bastards who try to get you down. Written under an alias by a man whos been there, done that, and lived to deny it all, this is all you need to protect and avenge yourself against every possible threatbe it physical, emotional, psychological, financial, or otherwise. From cue balls and steel-toed boots to spiders and Krazy Glue, youll find an amazing array of household weapons and tactics designed to put that moron in his or her place once and for all.
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HOW TO
KICK
SOMEONE'S
ASS
246 PRACTICAL
but not always legal
WAYS TO TAKE THE BASTARDS DOWN
E. R. SILVERMAN
Copyright 2010 by E. R. Silverman
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are
made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.
Published by
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com
ISBN 10: 1-60550-629-X
ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-629-6
eISBN 10: 1-4405-0715-5
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0715-1
Printed in the United States of America.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.
Certain sections of this book deal with activities that would be in violation of various federal, state, and local laws if actually carried out. We do not advocate the breaking of any law. The authors, Adams Media, and F+W Media, Inc. do not accept liability for any injury, loss, legal consequence, or incidental or consequential damage incurred by reliance on the information or advice provided in this book. This information in this book is for entertainment purposes only.
Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.
This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.
The contents of this book are intended solely for entertainment purposes. Due to possible injuries to yourself or others, you should not try to implement any of the ideas mentioned in the book.
Thanks to Mike, a fly anywhere helicopter pilot, who gave me a crash course on how to maneuver an OH-58 during one of our operations. Just in case he became disabled in the air, he wanted the illusion of making it safely to the ground for medical aid, in which case the instructions were to find a very large, and very soft, cow pasture to drop it in, cuz we may bounce a few times. It was only afterward that he explained to me that helicopters don't really fly, they just beat the air into submission. I'm not sure if that was meant as encouragement, but it was an adrenaline-filled time in my life.
There are plenty of reasons to want to kick some ass. Maybe your spouse ran away with your best friend and now you have fantasies of stuffing an angry cobra in his briefcase. Or perhaps that new coworker you helped out turned around and stole your ideas securing himself a promotion while leaving you high and dry. Or maybe you have to go on the defensive and respond to some angry meathead who's trying to be a tough guy. Whatever the case may be, you have a lot of ass-kicking options.
Split up by location and then broken down by particular situations, you'll find more than 200 ways to respond to all the backstabbers and Neanderthals, a-holes and wannabes, punks and pricks who think they can get the better of you. Whether your attack needs to be physical or mental, immediate or planned out, you'll find some serious inspiration in the following pages.
As a former government agent, I've survived many hairy situations. In order to make it out in one piece, I needed to be prepared. You need to be prepared as well. You need to be physically and mentally tough enough to take on your Target and succeed in taking him down. Think you have what it takes? Reading this book is your first step to being prepared.
Now let's get a move on.
Can't a guy go out to a bar and get a drink in peace anymore? Seems like every time you drop into one of these places, some kind of ruckus starts up. Maybe you got bumped in the crowd and accidentally spilled your drink on the guy next to you not really your fault. But hey, you don't even have to be part of a dispute to get swept up in a conflict. You could have been quietly sipping your favorite libation, checking out the local scenery, chatting with some friends, when Wham some idiot decides to make it personal.
Here are a few Ways to get out of the worst situations at your local watering hole. Sure beats lying on the floor looking up at the paramedics.
YOU ACCIDENTALLY SPILL YOUR DRINK ON A GUY AND HE COMES CHARGING AT YOU.
KARATE ROUNDHOUSE KICK Your nonkicking foot is positioned solidly on the floor for balance and your arms and hands are in the defensive position. Spin slightly on the ball of your nonkicking foot so your body is sideways to his. Plant that back heel into the floor. Your kicking leg is raised until it is parallel with the ground and your kicking foot is cocked back almost to your butt, knee pointed at opponent.
The kicking foot is snapped at the opponent's head or rib cage depending upon how high you can kick. Focus on the point of impact and immediately snap your leg back into the cocked position. This way, your opponent can't catch your leg. The velocity of the kick along with his own velocity should send him stumbling to the ground upon impact.
JUDO HIP THROW Use his momentum to pull him toward you and up on his toes. Slide your right arm around his waist as you pivot into him with your right foot leading. Rotate until your back is against his belly and your butt is against his groin. At this point you should be leaning slightly forward with knees bent. Your left hand continues pulling his right elbow forward, but now turn the pull into a downward direction. Your right arm and hips lead your opponent off the ground. Straighten your knees and your opponent gets launched over your right hip. Drop your body weight over your bent knees in a well-balanced stance as he hits the ground. This puts you close enough to his face to give a disabling strike, and it keeps him from pulling you down in a countermove, in case he's had any prior judo training.
COUNTERMOVE
A defensive maneuver made in reaction to an opponent's move that is meant to weaken the opponent.
KARATE PUNCH Okay, the guy's coming at you. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, and torso erect. Your left arm is forward with your fist turned palm down. Your right hand is cocked at your waist with your fist turned palm up. To punch, as your left hand is drawn back to your waist, it rotates so that fist is now palm up. At the exact same time, your right fist punches forward in a rotating motion so that fist finishes palm down with your big knuckles making impact on the Target. Keep your shoulders square. There is no follow through on the punch like there is in boxing. Power comes from the rotation and snapping forward of the fist and from focusing your force on the point of impact. Quickly reverse the motions and punch with your left. Congratulations, you've just added a one-two punch to your arsenal.
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