Dawe Bryan - The catastrophe continues : twenty-one years of interviews

THE CONTINUES OTHER BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR A Complete Dagg
The Complete Book of Australian Verse
Great Interviews of the Twentieth Century
The Even More Complete Book of Australian Verse
Still the Two
A Dagg at My Table
The Games
The Tournament
The Howard Miracle
The 7.56 Report JOHN CLARKE THE CONTINUES TWENTY-ONE YEARS
OF INTERVIEWS TEXT PUBLISHING MELBOURNE AUSTRALIA The paper in this book is manufactured only from wood grown in sustainable regrowth forests. The Text Publishing Company
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www.textpublishing.com.au Copyright John Clarke 2008
www.mrjohnclarke.com All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright above, no part of this publication shall be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher of this book. This edition published by Text Publishing 2008 Printed and bound by Griffin Press
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Cataloguing-in-Publication data: Clarke, John, 1948
The catastrophe continues : selected interviews / John Clarke. ISBN: 9781921351938 (pbk.) Current affair (Australia). 7.30 report (Television program).
Political satire, Australian.

PoliticiansAustraliaCaricatures and cartoons. AustraliaPolitics and governmentHumor.
Dawe, Bryan. 320.9940207 This book is dedicated to the memory of
Peg Dawe 19182005
and
Ted Clarke 19142008 Contents Clarke and Dawe have been working together as a comedy duo for far too long. They pretend to be satirical, whatever that means, but they are just a couple of aging comics with character disorders and no respect. It is widely known that they dont even like each other. The Hawke Government was one of Australias most successful bands. The Hawke Government was one of Australias most successful bands.

Formed in 1982 as Bob and The Mates (the name being changed after their first album went platinum), they were initially cast in the Working Class Band mould although most of the band members had been to university and Bob himself had been a Rhodes Scholar. They first charted with a version of Beer and Sheilas (1983), which owed much to the music of Doug Walters. After the Silver Bodgie Tour (1987) their later work expressed a greater sensitivity towards women, although sport and the male ego remained important themes. Their first single, Pissed Again was followed by million-seller Do You Love Me in the same year. The band was back in the studio a month later and a string of hits followed: Out With The Old Order, Look At Me, Im Sandra Dee, Bondies Got a Boat all got to number one and Getting Hammered At The Races, Pilots Strike and We Are the Old Order all charted. In 1991 the bands manager, Paul Keating, emerged to re-badge the band and ultimately become the front man.

Ex-vocalist Bob went into real estate. THE HON. BOB HAWKE
PRIME MINISTER OF AUSTRALIA Mr Hawke, is it true that interest rates will go up seventeen per cent? I was unfaithful to my wife, yes. Mr Hawke, seventeen per cent is appalling. How are people going tocope? Im not going to run away from it. It wasnt just my own wife either.

I was unfaithful to a lot of other peoples wives too. Were you unfaithful to the electorate? No, I was not unfaithful to the electorate. What about Mr Punch? No, I was not unfaithful to Mr Punch. As a matter of fact, I had a couple of words with Mr Punch before the third runway was announced. What were those couple of words? Im not going to tell you what the couple of words were. And what was the other one? No. And what was the other one? No.

Im not going to tell you what the other one was. Mr Hawke, why did you spend last week on national televisiontalking about your penis? Talking about my penis? Yes, your penis. I didnt talk about my penis last week on national television. What are you talking about? Mr Hawke, with respect, you spoke about your penis on nationaltelevision on Monday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night,Friday and Saturday nights. Well, only indirectly, and I didnt mention my penis on Tuesday night on national television. You go and check the facts. Mr Hawke Whats your name? Mr Hawke, with respect, why does the Prime Minister need to go onnational television and, on the one hand, talk about his sexual prowess,and then make some pathetic attempt to woo women voters back byapologising for what he did in the past? Whats the problem? Is itpsychological? There is no psychological problem here. Certainly not.

None whatsoever. Whats the problem? Well I am simply a very sensitivea very, very sensitivean extremely sensitive person. Why do you get so emotional about Australia? I love Australia. I think its a fantastic country. I think its far and away the bestLook, I was having a wee the other night, and I just happened to look down, and I thought, What a marvellous, fantastic country this is. Its just fantastic.

Its wonderful. I love it. You cry a lot, dont you? I dont think I cry a lot, no. Mr Hawke, you cried on national television this week. Please. Oh, I cry on national television, I dont cry in private, but yes, sure, I cry a bit on national television. Why? Well, Ive seen the trade figures, and I was aware that interest rates were going to seventeen per cent.

Anybody would cry. Its tragic. How people are going to cope I dont know. You get very emotional about women, too, dont you? I do get a bit emotional about women. Why? I empathise with women, my heart goes out to them. Why? Theyve got no penis. Mr Hawke, thank you. Thank you, cock. Mr Hawke, thank you. Thank you, cock.

SIR JOH BJELKE-PETERSEN
PREMIER OF QUEENSLAND (17251987) Sir Joh, when was it you first realised that you could make otherpeople laugh? Was it the schoolyard thing? Yes I suppose it was. Its a defensive thing. Theres always the bully isnt there? Youve got to do something about it and with me it was always just making the other kids laugh. You had trouble with authority at school I think, didnt you? Not initially, but I changed schools when I was about eleven and I lost all my old friends and had to make new ones, and there was a teacher who made every attempt to goad me into insurrection so I could be punished within the law. In fact if Im on about anything, its injustice. Do you remember anything in particular that you did, in those days? A fellow who is now a meat wholesaler and I once put a big sack of flour in the school chapels air-conditioning during the annual re-enactment of the Easter Passion.