Clarke - Still the Two
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- Book:Still the Two
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- Publisher:The Text Publishing Company
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- Year:2013
- City:Melbourne
- Rating:4 / 5
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Abstract: Still the Two is an hilarious selection of interviews with the nations leaders and prominent citizens. Based on John Clarke and Bryan Dawes appearances on A Current Affair and 3AW, the book features guest appearances by everyone from John Howard to Alan Bond, from Jeff Kennett to Paul Keating. Still the Two is astute, hilarious and brilliantly written. John Clarke was born in New Zealand. He is one of Australiaa??s best-known and most loved faces on TV. A comedian, writer and actor, his appearances include the famous Fred Dagg character, a??The Gillies
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Australian wit and humour. 2. Political satire, Australian. 3. Satire, Australian. Title. Title.
A828.307 Ebook ISBN 9781921776762. IN MEMORIAM
Charles Kingston McDonald
I have been asked to say a few words by way of introduction to this (book, film, car yard, abattoir) and it gives me great pleasure to do so. I have enjoyed (whatever) immensely, and I thoroughly recommend it to all Australian families. The Australian family is fundamental to all (stick something in here) and I thought I might use this as an opportunity to say one or two things about this country. Australia has a great deal to be proud of (talk to Duncan or someone with a few bob and get him to run up a list) and is the envy of all other pipsqueak joints with no manufacturing industries and mounting debt. I was up in the Pilbara the other day (or some crap, try to keep off tariffs).
My fellow imposters; the great change in our society, as in many other similar economies (Honduras, Galapagos Islands) in the last few years, has been the shift of power from elected national governments to unelected international corporations. I dont have a problem with this (call Richo and see if this is the right wording), but I am nevertheless often asked what we are going to do about it. (Get David to stick something in here about how many of the letters I get are from children.) What can governments do for the people who elect them? What can they do? Anyone? (Optional: drop if the audience is facing the other way, booing or screaming obscenities.) I think wed better make a distinction between what we can change and what we must accept. (Pause, blink, squint, become agitated, belt lectern, swim out beyond lifeguard, open throttle.) I refuse to accept that just because people are human beings they should be treated as human beings. What were talking about here is people. They are not human beings.
And if they were human beings, so what anyway? So theyre human beings. Is that my fault? Anyway, shut up. I didnt get to be in the position I am today by buggering about with a lot of detail. Ive got nothing against Asian businessmen (check this). Theyre men and theyre in business, but I will permit myself two observations which will establish even to the most cynical of my opponents, that there is every reason to be concerned about the future for Australia. John Howard.
Prime Minister. (Clear all this with Pauline and call me at the cricket.)
1993-94
In: Keating, Evans, Kennett, Willis, Hewson, Wooldridge, Bishop. Out: Howard (three refusals at same fence), Peacock (dislodged a rail, plus time faults), Cain (stress fracture), Kirner (concussion), Dawkins (witness-protection program), Walsh (head-butting), Unsworth (knee reconstruction), Bowen (run out), Bond (eliminated on countback), Skase (withdrawals). In-Out: Hawke.
In which games are seen to be an important part of school life.Keith Fletcher, thanks for coming in. Its a very great pleasure. No trouble at all. Youd have to say the Test is going fairly well for Australia. Its a bit early to say that.
Australia had a good day yesterday by all means, but its not over until the final Whistle. curtain. Whats the problem at the moment? Well, the groundstaff here have been got at. Were at a bit of a disadvantage. The pitch here at Headingley has been prepared especially to suit Australia. England. In what way? Its been designed to suit Batsmen. bowlers. Youve been taking a bit of stick from the British press, havent you? Well, who among us has not been belted about a bit by The tabloids. Steve Waugh. Youve been taking a bit of stick from the British press, havent you? Well, who among us has not been belted about a bit by The tabloids. Steve Waugh.
I think the Australians have got a very strong batting line-up. I dont know what on earth were expected to Do. eat, theres nothing much here. The English selectors are obviously sticking with this young side theyve got? Well Ted Dexter is a complete Dipstick. cricketer. I mean, he knows every department of the game. Hes got a very big fat Face. salary from the Test and County Cricket Board. I dont know what hes Doing. earning but, my God, he does all right for Wine, women and song. a pompous idiot.
He lives fairly high on the Hog. I dont what hes smoking but hes selected these kids and Id have to say theyre potentially miles better than The Australians. Philip Tufnell and I think, you know, in the end, patience is a Virtue. card game, I mean he just wasnt suited. And how about yourself? Is there any suggestion of your retirement? Ive said that Ill stay on until more Australians are Out. recruited to come over here and join the bunch of lads weve already got from New Zealand. Zimbabwe. Keith Fletcher, thank you very much for talking to us and I hope things improve for you. We had the impression here you were going to be court-martialled. Bowled Lillee, I think youll find. Pardon? Caught Marsh and bowled Lillee I think. Yes, here it is again on the replay.
Oh my God, yes, hanging it out to dry. Why do I keep doing that?
In which it is shown that things are going terribly well.Mr Keating, thanks for coming in. Thanks very much for inviting me in, its a great pleasure and an honour and a privilege, anything I can do to help Youve been in the new job for some time now if I can say that without being patronising, or appearing arrogant. Without what? Im just slightly alarmed by the idea that people think of me as a little bit on the arrogant side. This is what the polls are saying? Yes, although youve got to have a look at who theyre asking. There has been criticism that you resort to personal abuse as well. Various of the lesser crested boneheads in the gallery have been giving that a whirl in their fabulously interesting columns, but if I can just make a point, not just to you but to the particular poxy little low-level scumbags in question, I am probably the least arrogant person in the country. There has been criticism that you resort to personal abuse as well.
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