Carlton - Healing Hands

Healing Hands

by

Liz Carlton

Copyright 2018 Liz Carlton

All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Distribution or duplication is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form.

This book is a work of fiction and is intended for adult audiences only. All characters represented therein are aged 18 years or older and any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Cover model has no affiliation with the publisher, author, or contents represented therein.

Table of Contents:

CHAPTER 1

"I think I made a huge mistake."

I thoughtfully chewed my sushi, trying to make my voice sound casual as I spoke. I didn't like admitting that I had problems and that I had made a mistake about something as permanent as marriage. I especially didn't like admitting all of this to my friend Kay, who always seemed so sure of herself and in control of her life. I knew that plenty of people got divorced all the time, but I just felt like it was an embarrassing thing to have to do- especially after only one year of marriage. I hadn't talked about this to anyone yet, but I had consumed just enough rice wine before our food had arrived to open up about my life a little bit. I have always had trouble doing that.

Kay raised her eyebrows. "Whoa. Really? I didn't expect to hear that. Are you serious, or are you just going through a rough patch?"

"No, I'm serious. I've been feeling like this was a mistake pretty much since we left the courthouse on the day of our wedding." I let out a huge sigh. It actually felt good to tell someone. I had been keeping all of this to myself for the past year, smiling and exclaiming "Great!" whenever anyone asked me that dreaded question - "So how's married life?"

When David and I got married, we hadn't had an actual wedding, with flowers and guests and dancing. Both of my parents died in a car accident ten years ago, when I was just nineteen years old, and I didn't have many close friends. I was never close with my extended family, and when I moved out of state after my parent's accident, I didn't keep in touch with them. I didn't exactly have anyone to invite to a wedding. Plus, the thought of being the center of attention freaked me out. I was actually the one who had insisted we just have a courthouse wedding.

"Shit," Kay said, jabbing at another sushi roll with her chopsticks. "This is news to me. You really do know how to put on a happy face about things, don't you? What are you going to do?"

I made an exasperated sound. "I don't know. This is not the most convenient time to go through a divorce, even if I feel like it is an imminent thing. With graduation coming in a month, I have to focus on passing exams and finishing clinic hours. I'll think about it all after graduation, and then do something. I know it's probably wrong of me to not say anything to him, but I don't have time to deal with the drama right now."

Kay smiled sympathetically. "It's not wrong of you. It seems reasonable. One thing at a time, right? I mean, the divorce court will still be open in a few months." She paused. "I still can't believe we're graduating next month. Holy shit, time flies."

I laughed, feeling giddy with excitement at the thought of almost being done with my nursing degree. "I know, right? It's crazy that we're almost done. How many clinic hours do you still need?"

Kay made a disgusted face. "Way too many to even think about." She stuffed more food into her mouth to take her mind off of it.

Kay and I were both nursing students. We met on our first day of classes, and even though, or maybe because of, the fact that we had opposite personalities, we ended up becoming very good friends over the course of our studies. Kay was boisterous and loud, always the first to speak up and never afraid to boldly declare what was on her mind. I was just the opposite, so quiet that I was often overlooked. I very rarely spoke up about anything at all. We balanced each other perfectly and quickly became friends in class.

At our college of nursing, we were with the same group of classmates from the start of the program all the way until we had graduated. We had all of our classes together and had plenty of time to get to know each other. Kay and I were the only ones in our class that happened to be older students, both of us working on our second degree after we decided that we couldn't actually do anything with our undergrad degrees. Working in an office or getting paid a measly wage as some adjunct professor just didn't cut it. We were both idealistic and had ended up choosing a career in nursing as a way to make a more direct contribution to society. That wasn't going to happen, though, if we didn't get through this last grueling stretch of classes.

I sighed. "Don't worry, I'm behind on hours too." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, I'm not worried about it." The waiter arrived to fill up our water glasses. "Another sake, please. Large." Kay batted her eyelashes at the waiter, and he let his eyes linger on her for a beat too long.

I had always admired her looks, too. With her slender physique, above average height, and long brunette hair, she looked like some kind of wonder woman goddess. She turned a lot of heads but never seemed to notice all the attention she got. In the four years that I had known her, I had never even seen her date anyone.

She turned her attention back to me after the waiter was out of earshot. She had a genuinely concerned look on her face - she really was going to make a great nurse. "So, spill the beans and don't change the subject this time," she said. "What exactly is going on with you and the hubby?"

I dramatically shuddered at that word. "Well, for one thing, there's the fact that I just can't stand that word. I've developed an aversion to the word "husband". Where did that word even come from? It's just so un -sexy. Then again, so is he."

Kay snorted, dribbling water down her chin as she cracked up at my comment. "Ha!" She laughed so loud two other tables looked over at us. She didn't seem to notice.

I giggled along with her. "I feel like all he ever does is beg me for sex, and when I don't feel like it, he whines and makes me feel guilty. I just don't like feeling pressured, and the more he pressures me, the less into it I am. I get where he is coming from, I guess, but I'm just too damn busy for sex, especially when there is so little reward in it for me . I work and I go to school full time. I just feel like it's really selfish of him to be pestering me for sex and touching me with that thing whenever I get into bed. Sorry, but getting him off just isn't on the top of my priorities list. Can't he do it himself like everybody else or something? It's like the man doesn't know how to masturbate," I exclaimed. This was the first time I had said any of this out loud. It felt good to get this off my chest.

"Well, your choice of words there explains everything," Kay said with a little smile.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I couldn't wait to hear what she was going to say. She always had some quirky theory about everything. That was one of the things I liked about her the most. Her imagination never stopped. One time in class, she had somehow gotten into an argument with our professor about the existence of aliens.

"You said, 'getting him off'. That shows that you don't see the arrangement as mutually beneficial. You're feeling like you have a duty to him, and you're getting tired of working for no pay." Kay looked so pleased with herself for having gotten to the root of my woes.

She was entirely right, though. I nodded, feeling happy to be understood for once. "That's totally it. He's a great guy, don't get me wrong. He doesn't abuse me, he doesn't cheat on me - I should be happy. To be honest, though, I've never really enjoyed the sex. It's always felt like a necessary chore that I have to do in order to gain the benefits of having a stable relationship. You know, like someone to come home to and all that. It's my duty as his wife, isn't it? I mean, he does little things for me, I figure I have to do things for him, like give him sex. I just can't stand when he gets angry with me because I haven't put out. It's so unattractive."