Jha - HALF ASLEEP

HALF ASLEEP Seema Jha AuthorHouse 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.authorhouse.com Phone: 1-800-839-8640 2012 by SEEMA JHA. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. First published by AuthorHouse 01/03/2012 ISBN: 978-1-4678-8196-8 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-4678-8195-1 (ebk) Printed in the United States of America Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery Thinkstock. This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. Contents DEDICATED TO MY SON, SUYASH JHA,
ALSO KNOWN AS BUNNY Thanks to My son, Bunny, or Suyash, for being my first audience and for always praising my work. He took the trouble to type my work. My mother Shail Bala Mishra, who was love personified and who had an inspiring personality. My father, Dr Surya Kant Mishra, university Professor of Maths, PhD (Cantab) for talking to me about the many aspects of life and for providing me a good education.

My brothers, Sunil and Anil, and sister, Sushma, for encouraging me to read good books. My father-in-law, Dr Shankar Kumar Jha, university Professor of Political Science, for believing in me. My mother-in-law, Durga Jha, for supporting me. My husbands sisters, Poonam, Rupam and Anupama for their support. And of course, my husband, Dr Mithilesh Kumar Jha, consultant psychiatrist, for always being there for me. One day to myself I said What if I were an apple, juicy and red Crunchy Braeburn or Lady Pink Would my heart sink When a customer chose me Be it a he or a she And took me in his or her hand And in a manner, judgemental, yet grand Assess my worth On this materialistic earth Waiting to put their teeth into me After paying my fee Would I be willing to be consumed for a good cause Would I wonder, brood and pause Would I like to be one of their five portions Would I be devoid of emotions Or would I be pleased On feeling their teeth That I had served a purpose Had not rotted as unnecessary surplus Or would I smugly sit on the shelf Saying to myself It was I who began creation And indulge in self admiration My brand of cold cream Promising skin like a dream From the shelf disappeared The emptiness leered I went the next day Equipped with a hopeful ray The day after that The shelf at me spat I looked at the space where it used to be Saw the creams and lotions that meant nothing to me I looked again To be certain No, it definitely wasnt there Its absence at me stared I went a week later with desire frantic Wishing it back by some sort of magic And tried to search in vain All of a sudden felt the minutest of pain Why did my favourites always leave me I could not understand, I failed to see And when it finally appeared It was just as I had feared It wasnt the same And I felt again the tiny pain It was almost but not quite the same And it had a slightly different name For a replacement I had to settle I couldnt afford to be weak as a petal When you are emotionally destitute You often make do with a substitute The old is gone, there is the new The room is the same with a different view But things will never be the same again This is now, that was then A drop of the sun A hint of the moon A glint of stars A pebble of earth A shimmer of sea The dance of a tree A petal of a flower The vibrance of a peacock The thoughts of an angel The smile of an infant in a cradle Mix them all together Forever forever And make me a drink When the sun sinks My obsession with death makes me think What if I am on the brink What if I am about to go What if its the end of my show What if Im bidding farewell Going to heaven or more likely hell What if this is the end of the road The earth wants to get rid of my load What if this is all there is If life is giving me a miss It might be time for the curtain to fall To end my existence once and for all It might be good in some ways To myself I say I dont have to see another loved one die I dont have to cry and sigh On my face there will be no wrinkles and lines If indeed it is my time The best of life is behind me What more is left to see If death is a part of every one If we all are dusted and done Why must I be any different In what way am I significant To no one will I be a burden If the end is quick and sudden In their heart no one will nurture The secret wish for my departure I saw an elderly couple Their love evident but subtle On a train Unaware of their label, their name Lying with identical bed sheets on them With printed roses and their green stems Those that they had brought from home And which seemed to be their domestic throne So serene they looked With a tiny emotion my heart shook So content they appeared As if by not a single squabble smeared So happy they looked In their personal nook I wondered if we would be the same However different our names Should I have buttermilk wallpaper or white Should the blinds be dark or light Should I serve vegetable curry with rice Or should some meat dinner comprise Should I make chapattis instead Should I make the bed Should I change duvet covers and sheets Take out pillows covers neat Should I hoover today or should I procrastinate Should I catch up on my ironing or is it too late Of glass cleaner I have run out My mind shouts I need to replenish my bleach Says my brain with a screech Three eggs in the fridge still remain Must remember not to buy more of the same The washing machine has a tiny leak Again my mind shrieks A housewifes job is never done But all the problems seem tiny ones The world wont explode at my pressing of a button Or if I buy fish instead of mutton My biggest worry Is the performance of my curry Will it with magnificence shine As tonight the three of us dine = In town centre one day I looked that and this way I came across a flower After roaming for half an hour Little flowers Like little stars Red in hue They looked fresh and new I hadnt seen those flowers before In the market they were on show Then I caught their name As it began to drizzle, then rain Sweet William was their label Good they would look in a vase on my table Flowers with a mans name seemed unusual And earned my second perusal Delicacy seemed a flowers nature And it seemed a womans feature But then again who is to say That a mans mind is not made in a soft way Why then should I question Or pay undue attention For a man can be as gentle as a woman from within And calling a flower Sweet William is surely not a sin Thanks a lot Ive often got With thank you very much I am touched But its thanks anyway that gets my goat It certainly does not have my vote Must you make it as terribly clear That my help was zero and not revered Must you not so politely shout That my aid didnt actually count Must you softly grumble That at my job I crumbled Must you of my failure make me aware And be the cause of my minute despair Tell me, is there really any need To belittle my deed And add the word anyway To make my world just a little grey A mere thank you will suffice And will be really nice We have emotions in a tangle Parched lips Flat faces Sunken bellies Food a dream Comfort a word Diseases a plenty Humanity a concept We make good holiday postcards Thanks anyway For understanding I look at the clouds playing with the moon I hear natures tune A shape one moment Shapeless the next Black they look or perhaps a dark blue Moving towards destinations new Or perhaps no destination at all Having no ambitions tall But merely a desire fervent To make the world pleasant By falling on the earth in drops And delighting all the crops Gentle rain Ceasing the soils pain I look at the clouds playing with the moon I hear natures tune I am white inside Quite tasty when ripe You dont need a knife To take a bite I have yellow skin If you are me, you are dim As the wordsAre you bananas? suggest For which I have absolutely no respect Im getting over you Although I dont want to How long can I stay enchanted You cant take me for granted A shadow is a shadow, however great From illusion, reality, one cant create How long can you remember a face How long can you stay amazed How long can you capture a moment And memories cement How long can you hold on to a smile How long can you make an inch a mile How long can you pretend And deny there was no beginning, there was no end How long can you make something out of nothing How long can you make silence sing How long can you make dreams your master How long can you pursue laughter Im getting over you Turning over a leaf new Ive snapped out of the past that was you Im getting over you Of your admirers there might be a queue But Im getting over you You might be the worlds most handsome chap But Ive removed you from my map He looks at the sunset pink and yellow Hes a teenager, not yet quite a fellow He feels the pangs, the desires of youth He has not yet seen the blemishes of truth He sees things as they appear His future to him seems a fear He does not know what field to choose He is a little confused He looks at the trees passing by And slowly he sighs The pressure to find his niche, his nook The pressure to read too many books The road to love beckons Too early for that he reckons Too many attractions Too many distractions The desire to prove himself a worthy son The enticement of fun And suddenly out comes a full moon With its loveliness makes him swoon Whatever will be will be To himself says he Right now I will devour the moon with my eyes And think tomorrow of reaching the skies My little friends, forgive me As you sit underneath the tree I forgot to give you your meal With my usual zeal I had been loading the dishwasher and unloading So my duty to you I was eroding Im still in my nighty although its noon I will get up, I assure you quite soon Its just that in my nighty I will not be seen Feeding you on the grass green You circle the empty bowl And find not your goal From somewhere you acquire what looks like white cotton wool And fly, the cotton in your beak, quite cool How hungry and agitated you must be My little friends, forgive me I go upstairs and put on my gown And then come down I put food in the bowl To present you your goal Then I sit inside and look through the patio door Neglecting my household chores You arrive one by one Looking feathery in the sun Flapping your wings, looking here and there Of the white cat you are scared Little by little you finish the water and food Some of you must be dames and some dudes I know I gave you pleasure But my enjoyment you cannot measure For it is fun to watch you eat My entertainment your happiness cannot beat Come again tomorrow mates Youll have your bowl, Ill have my plate I might not be your Nancy But its your company I fancy You will never know of my silent admiration Never be aware of my desperation Never find out what I saw in you Never learn of my opinion, my view Never have an inkling Of what I was thinking Never know that there exists a dame Who sits up at the mere mention of your name Probably never realize Youre the best amongst all the guys Carry on being fantastic Supremely majestic Never forget your art Of capturing hearts Even if a Casanova you are Never lose your power For you it might be just a game But I like you all the same Spread your magic wide and far Be the moon amongst the stars I might not be your Nancy But its your company I fancy I got up one morn Much, much after dawn And sat sipping my coffee Half awake and half asleep The curtains I didnt bother to draw Although it is an unwritten law I felt too lazy to get up And sat holding my cup The trees in my back garden stood unseen And so did the roses lovely as a dream The little birds clamoured for my attention But I was too lazy to mention I was missing the tranquil scene I was missing the garden green And still I sat, unwilling to move To nature, I was rather rude It was giving away its splendour without asking for much Craving for my appreciating eye and touch I still sat half asleep Sunk in my sofa deep And a thought arrived In my silly mind What if there was no sky And no birds to fly What if there were no trees And no grass green What if there was no rose In its stunning pose What if there were no giraffes and squirrels And the reality terrible That we were the only creatures in nature to feature What if there was no sun and no moon either And we missed neither For what we knew not, we would not miss And carry on not bestowed by the perfect bliss I finally did get up Putting down my cup The curtains I did draw And once again I saw Nature with its awesome power Spread near and far And took in all the beauty For it seemed my duty.