Laura Prepon - You and I, as Mothers

Editor: Rebecca Kaplan
Designer: Diane Shaw
Production Manager: Anet Sirna-Bruder

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019939886

ISBN: 978-1-4197-4297-2
eISBN: 978-1-68335-828-2

Text copyright 2020 Laura Prepon
Cover 2020 Abrams

Published in 2020 by Abrams Image, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

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FOR BEN AND ELLA

AND

ALL THE MOTHERS

INTRODUCTION
A New Kind of Plus One

CHAPTER 1
READY, SET... MOTHER!
My Crash-Landing into Motherhood

CHAPTER 2
HOW WERE YOU MOTHERED?
Looking Back in Order to Look Forward

CHAPTER 3
YOU, VERSION 2.0, MOM EDITION
Exploring Your Maternal Superpowers

CHAPTER 4
CONTROL
Learning When and How to Let Go

CHAPTER 5
STRESS
A Mothers Daily Challenge

CHAPTER 6
MOTHERHOOD AROUND THE WORLD
How Other Cultures Do It

CHAPTER 7
COMMUNITY
The Importance of a Mom Squad

CHAPTER 8
KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE
Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship

CHAPTER 9
MAMA NEEDS SOME TLC
The Benefits of Self-Care

CHAPTER 10
LETS TALK FOOD
The Nourishment Nitty-Gritty

CHAPTER 11
RECIPES

IM A MOM.

The same day I joined the motherhood clan, roughly 360,000 other women around the world also gave birth.

Maybe youre a new mother. Or expecting to be one soon. Its also possible youre reading this book while your twelve-year-old does homework, your teenager practices on his drum set in the basement, or youve just gotten off a call to your kid at college. No matter... Ive written this book for us all.

Today is probably the best time ever to be a woman. We women can run anything: marathons, households, businesses, and countries. We can communicate at lightning speed, and our voices are finally being heard within our culture, shaping its future. Twenty-first-century ladies are not to be messed with...

And still, we are humbled by motherhood.

Which is weird, because we are neither the first moms on the planet, nor will we be the last. So how is it that something so ancient, commonplace, and downright universal remains so personal, powerful, and endlessly varied? Why is every woman so profoundly transformed by becoming a mother?

I know I was.

During my pregnancy, I was out to lunch with a girlfriend, and I asked her to share with me what she struggled with most as a mother. This was my first pregnancy, so I wanted to know from another working mom what to look out for. She peeked back over each shoulder, then leaned in surreptitiously, ready to share a secret. Its... um... hard, girl, she whispered, as if she was supposed to have pulled off an A+ in Mommy class but had come up with a shameful C. I could feel her disappointment in herself. It was awful.

This scenario occurred on more than a few occasions: the whispering, the self-doubt, the apologetic tone. Not yet a mother, I could not for the life of me understand why. My rah-rah self thought, Come on! It cant be that tough. Weve all dealt with plenty of stress before... you got this!

Little did I know, I was about to experience a shattering soul-explosion of my own. Ill tell you my truth, and not in a whisper: I felt blindsided by motherhood.

In the early days, Isomeone who generally considers herself confidentfelt insecure, clueless, and scared. I went from being the center of my universe to being displaced by a chubby-cheeked redhead staring up from my boob. I knew it was the natural order of things, but...

This was big.

One night, my daughter was asleep, and I sat in bed, crying. Ben, my husband, was listening to me patiently. I dont feel like myself, babe, I confessed. I lifted my head and looked him straight in the eye to deliver what felt like the scariest line ever: The woman you married is gone.

The words hung in the room for a couple of seconds. You are different now, said Ben. Youre a mother. He said it with such strength and nobility, it cut directly to my core.

I straightened my shoulders and lifted my head. I am a mother, I thought, and its okay to be scared right now.

In that moment, I felt a shift: A version of myself was disappearing, and a new one was taking its place. And this new me needed new resourcesstat.

Ever since then, Ive been reaching out, asking questions, and doing research. I wanted to know what was happening to me... what happens to all of us when we go from woman to mother, and how to take care of ourselves in the best ways possible on this incredible, heart-squeezing ride.

Why is every woman so profoundly transformed by becoming a mother?

And Ive learned a ton: fascinating stuff about the female brain and how it changes during pregnancy and motherhood; the amazing role oxytocin plays in all our lives; effective ways of de-stressing; how to maintain career/family balance; beauty and fitness tips; how to ask for help; and ways to keep the relationship with your partner strong and healthy once children are on the scene.

And because good nutrition is incredibly important (I wrote a cookbook called The Stash Plan, and Im the daughter of a gourmet chef), Ive put together some healthy, delicious recipes for yousome Ive borrowed from other moms, and others Ive created on my own, from quick protein fixes, like the perfect hard-boiled egg, to pho, a soup recipe that brings the whole family togethersomething that is becoming harder and harder to accomplish these days.

I continue to glean wisdom from experts and mothers who know the road ahead of me. I refer to them as my Mom Squad, and they are some powerhouse ladies, including Mila Kunis, Jenji Kohan, Daphne Oz, and Amber Tamblyn, plus some other badass friends who work unorthodox jobs while bringing up their kids. Ill also share some amazing stuff from researchers studying the female brain and my own amazing ob-gyn, and I even sat down with a survival expert! They all offer fascinating facts and insights, and many of them share how they handle the daily struggles, uncertainty, and remarkability of being a mom. They give us tips on how we can take care of ourselvesphysically, emotionally, and otherwiseas we do The Most Important Job on Earth. You will hear their voices pop up throughout the book, offering us their ideas and secrets and sharing their most humbling mom moments.