Patricia Riddle Gaddis - Dangerous Dating: Helping Young Women Say No to Abusive Relationships

DANGEROUS DATING
A SHAW BOOK
PUBLISHED BY WATERBROOK PRESS
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Colorado Springs, CO 80918
A division of Random House, Inc.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires permission of International Bible Society.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked RSV are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA, and used by permission.

The violence and nonviolence wheels on are used by permission of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior St., Duluth, MN 55802; 218/722-2781.

eISBN: 978-0-307-77937-3

Copyright 2000 by Patricia Riddle Gaddis

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, or any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the publisher.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gaddis, Patricia Riddle.

Dangerous dating : helping young women say no to abusive relationships / Patricia Gaddis.
p. cm.
1. Dating violence. I. Title

HQ801.83.G34 2000
362.88dc21 99-054941

v3.1

To my goddaughters,
Rebecca and Emily;

And to my son,
Shawna real
champion for women.

A s a father of two daughters who are about to enter their turbulent teen years, it sometimes frightens me when I consider the social climate in which they will have their initial dating encounters. Their mother and I have tried our best to instill within them a strong, biblically based concept of morality, and we will continue to do so as they travel through these years. I have confidence that my daughters possess a basic understanding of right and wrong, good and bad behavior.

But I am also a realist. I know that many of their young friends are already exploring their sexuality. I also know that not everybody with whom my daughters deal on a daily basis has the same value system. On the contrary, those attributes are now considered unusual by many teens and young adults.

Perhaps most disconcerting of all, I know that many of the young men my daughters will encounter will not play fair. Some will be users, others will be abusers, and some will attempt to heal their own wounds by inflicting hurt on my daughters.

How can I protect my daughters? What do I need to know? Where can I go for help if I need it? These are a few of the crucial questions that Patricia Gaddis answers in Dangerous Dating, and as a dad, I am extremely grateful for her insights.

Her book is like a ray of light in a dark world. It sheds light on a subject that most of us would like to pretend did not existabusive dating relationships. Did you ever look at a young couple, shake your head, and say, What does she see in that guy? What she sees, of course, and what you see may be distinctly different. Worse yet, he may be an abuser who has an emotional hold stronger than a vise grip on that young woman. That hold can be broken, and Gaddis explains how it can be done effectively and safely. She does not hold back on this delicate subject. She writes with firmness, practical applications, and most of all, a compassion rarely found nowadays.

I must warn you, however, that what you are about to read is explosive. It may jolt you out of your cozy, comfortable world into a reality that youd rather not know aboutbut if you are a parent of a teenager, or if you are a teen looking for some honest answers, this book could well be a life-saver. When you are through reading, you will not wring your hands in despair, but you will breathe a sigh of relief and say, Finally, someone has dared to tell me truth.

Ken Abraham
Author, Dont Bite the Apple till You Check for Worms

D ate rape. Rohypnol.

Misconception: Abuse in teen relationships is not that common or serious.

Reality: Surveys show that at least 28 percent of teen relationships involve violence. According to the FBI, 20 percent of homicide victims are between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four, and one out of three women murdered in the U.S. is killed by a husband or boyfriend.

Misconception: Guys who yell and hit just have bad tempers.

Reality: Abusers use violence to try to control another person. Abuse is made up of a series of behaviors, such as intimidation, threats, and isolation, as well as physical harm. Battering is not about anger so much as it is about power and control.

Misconception: A guy has the right to discipline his girlfriend and show her whos boss.

Reality: Discipline is used to exercise authority, such as a parent has over a child or a superior over subordinates. Unfortunately, many societies have taught and encouraged men to dominate women under the guise of discipline.

Misconception: Alcohol and/or drugs are what cause people to become violent and abusive.

Reality: Chemical substances are not the cause of violence but may act as enablers to violence by lowering inhibitions.

Misconception: