Ira Sacker - Regaining Your Self: Understanding and Conquering the Eating Disorder Identity

Regaining
Your Self

Also by Ira M. Sacker, M.D.

Dying to Be Thin: Understanding and
Defeating Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia
A Practical, Life saving Guide
(with Marc A. Zimmer, Ph.D.)

Regaining
Your Self

UNDERSTANDING AND CONQUERING
THE EATING DISORDER IDENTITY

IRA M. SACKER, M.D.

Coauthor of Dying to Be Thin
with Sheila Buff

www.hcibooks.com

The information in this book is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a physician. Readers should consult with their doctors in all matters relating to health and for treatment of their medical problems. Although every effort has been made to ensure that information is presented accurately in this book, the ultimate responsibility for proper medical treatment rests with the prescribing physician, in consultation and partnership with the reader. Neither the publisher nor the authors assume any responsibility for errors or for any possible consequences arising from the use of information contained herein.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is availablethrough the Library of Congress.

Copyright 2007, 2010 Ira M. Sacker, M.D.

eISBN-13: 978-07573-9528-4 eISBN-10: 0-7573-9528-7

Hardcover edition published by Hyperion, 2007. ISBN-13: 978-1-4013-0305-1; ISBN-10: 1-4013-0305-6

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover design by Lawna Patterson Oldfield
Inside book design by Jennifer Daddio
Workbook formatted by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

Marianne Sacker is my wife, my best friend, my partner in life, my companion, and my advocate. My guiding spirit and my true soul mate, Marianne has protected me in times of weakness, believed in me during times of doubt, inspired me during my creative moments, and with her constant, loving reassurance continues to teach me the values of humility and giving to others. Our relationship and marriage, built on forty-plus years, have taught me honesty, sincerity, and loyalty. Mariannes compassion, love, and selflessness during all these years have never gone unnoticed. Its her joy for life that has kept my spirit young and is the centerpiece of her unique sense of self.

Without Marianne my life would not be complete; she balances my days and my nights.

To love someone deeply
gives you strength.
Being loved by someone
deeply gives you courage.

LAO TZU

A trusted colleague and friend, Laura D. McDonald, M.S., has been a major contributor to this work. Her constant pursuit of clarity and excellence gave this book heart and soul. Her contributions to the writing, editing, and development of theory deserve special recognition. Through our conversations together we have both brought life to this book. This dedication is a small token to the total contribution that Laura has made, not just throughout this book, but in the field of eating disorders. And for that I would like to express my gratitude.

The bond that links
your true family is not one of blood,
but of respect and joy in each others life.
Rarely do members of one family
grow up under the same roof.

RICHARD BACH

CONTENTS

Throughout the writing of this book I have tried to faithfully represent the struggle of individuals with eating disorders as I have witnessed them through my more than thirty-five years of working in the field. There are, however, difficulties, as accurate portrayals of these disorders may sometimes prove to be triggers to the very people who are struggling against them. That is why, whenever possible, I have avoided the use of specific numbers such as pounds, calories, amount of weight loss or weight gain, and so on. For the same reason, I have not provided information or specifics as to certain at-risk behaviors and activities. Whatever insight one reader may experience in being privy to such details would be nothing compared to the anxiety another may feel, to say nothing of the risk. As always, it is my job to protect the individual suffering from, or at risk of, an eating disorder.

The stories contained within these pages are true. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals concerned. While some case studies represent composite characters, their stories are never exaggerated or overstated.

Because I strongly believe that identity is the core issue of the eating disorder, I have tried not to use labels like anorexic and bulimic, as to do so would only reinforce the eating disorder identity, and have used instead phrases such as the individual who struggles with... or the person with....

This book is the result of many years of work. I sincerely hope that it helps you, and invite you to visit my website for further information: www.sackermd.com.

I would first like to thank the two individuals who gave me life, my parents. My father, Harvey, who always made me feel safe, encouraged me throughout medical school and taught me my greatest passion fishing.

My mother, Lottie, who showed me immeasurable strength and how to survive and never lose hope through all the obstacles of life. She taught me more than anything to always believe in myself.

My wife, Marianne, completes my life with her love, companionship, and spirit. She has given me many gifts in life, but watching her be a wife, mother, and grandmother is the biggest gift of all. Her ability to be an independent individual strengthens everyone around her.

Remembering my little sister Karen. She was my fishing buddy, and no matter who began fishing first, she always caught the first fish. In many respects I was a guardian to this individual throughout her years in this world.

My son, Scott, is an independent spirit. He has been one of my best teachers. He has taught me the meaning of change and how to be an effective parent and teacher by example.

My daughter, Tara, is always enthusiastic and passionate about life. She has taught me that the value of love we have shared with our children she now shares with her own children.

Tara and her husband, Owen, have given me the gift of grandparent-hood. My grandchildren, Michael and Dylan, call me Popi. My greatest joy is being with my grandchildren, playing with them, spoiling them, and ultimately giving them back to their parents.

I want to recognize my family and friends throughout the years who have taught me many lessons through laughter and tears.

I want to acknowledge two of my mentors: Dr. Saul Krugman and Dr. Edward Liang.

I would like to thank Laura D. McDonald, M.S., for her thoughts, concepts, organized ideas, therapeutic modalities/charts, creative narratives, and precision for words. I also thank her for her willingness to share personal perspectives that are enmeshed throughout this book; without her and her dedication, this book would never have been written.

Finally, I want to acknowledge all the individuals who struggle every day with an eating disorder and the ones who have recovered their identities from an eating disorder. I want to honor the families and friends who are devoted in the fight against the epidemic.