Lillie Leonardi - In The Shadow Of A Badge: A Memoir About Flight 93, A Field of Angels, and My Spiritual Homecoming

Copyright 2013 by Lillie Leonardi

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Cover design: April Urso Interior design: Tricia Breidenthal
Interior Illustration: Samuel Corey Author photo: Annie ONeill

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Leonardi, Lillie.

In the shadow of a badge : a memoir about Flight 93, a field of angels, and my spiritual homecoming / Lillie Leonardi.
p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4019-4238-0 (hardcover : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-4019-4239-7 (ebk) 1. Leonardi, Lillie. 2. United Airlines Flight 93 Hijacking Incident, 2001. 3. United States. Federal Bureau of Investigation--Officials and employees--Biography. 4. September 11 Terrorist Attacks, 2001--Religious aspects--Christianity. 5. September 11 Terrorist Attacks, 2001--Psychological aspects. 6. United Airlines Flight 93 Hijacking Incident, 2001. 7. Post-traumatic stress disorder. 8. Aircraft accidents--Pennsylvania--Shanksville. I. Title.

HV7911.L435A3 2013

974.879044--dc23

2012039042

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-4238-0
Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-4239-7

16 15 14 13 4 3 2 1
1st edition, February 2013

Printed in the United States of America

In thanksgiving to God, for illuminating
my lifes journey.

In gratitude to Archangel Michael and
the legion of angels, for inspiring me
to write this memoir.

Dear Dad,

I just wanted to take a moment and extend my deepest gratitude to you for all you did for me. You were an excellent father and friend. I am extremely grateful to you for all the gifts you gave us, your children and your family. You provided us with a wonderful mentor and taught us about love, life, integrity, and values. You inspired us to become the best we could be. You often told us that we children were your gold and silver in this life. I hope you are looking down and seeing us shine in your light. You planted the seeds, and now you are watching us grow. We have grown into your mirror image. I hope you relish all our successes, for they are your legacy.

Also, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to teach me about God. You taught of Gods endless love and forgiveness for His children. You preached that God continued to love us even in the times in our lives when we faltered and strayed from the path He had designed for us. You read us the stories of the Bible and provided insight into the wonders of Gods mercy. You allowed us the opportunity to dream and hope for a better life. As a result of your teachings, on a fateful day more than ten years ago, I reached into the vast recesses of my soul and cried out to God for His help. Oh, and did He respond. God sent the world the gift of His angels. The angels I read about as a child and often believed that I saw. I did see them that day, in all of their brilliance and light. On September 11, 2001, God extended His hand and surrounded the world with his infinite love and guardianship. He sent His angels to protect those of us responding to the Pennsylvania crash site of Flight 93 and to gently carry the victims to His heavenly home. He provided passage and comfort to those who had sacrificed their lives in the name of honor. I was privileged to have observed the magnitude of His mercy and love.

I now release the story of Flight 93 and the field of angels in honor of my two fathers. In the worst moments of my life, I felt the presence of both my heavenly and earthly fathers love, kindness, and patience. As you look down from Heaven, Dad, I hope you are proud. I hope that you smile and look around and say, Thats my daughter. For I look around on a continuous basis and say, Look at all my father has bestowed upon me. I have been truly blessed.

Rest easy, Daddy. Ill see you when I see you.

When I look at people, I witness the internal source of their being, not the external truth of the person. I see the purity that is derived from their spirit buried within the caverns of their bodies and connected to their minds.

This was always a problem for me because I wanted to see the enlightened soul of one and all. Yet this insight was in direct conflict with the career I had chosen. As a law enforcement professional, I had to learn to lead with my mind, not my heart. To trust my primal instincts, not my emotional responses. If I was to survive in this new world of policing, I quickly needed to become less trusting of my fellow human beings and more calculating as I learned to immediately evaluate the person in front of me.

Living in these two different worlds, I spent much time not acknowledging my true self. It was a lifestyle that nearly shattered my life. (The doctors who later treated me for post-traumatic stress disorder wondered how my mind had survived.) But more precious than that, this split almost cost the loss of my heart and soul.

This dichotomy may also explain my two-dimensional writing style. One style is formatted from the linear side of my brain, authored in a straightforward and direct mannerthink of the many police reports Ive written. It is through this lens that I perceived my world of policing, its contexts and effects. The pages that follow will unfold in a similar way, very clear and precise. This is the first voice of who I am, and thus the one you will hear most often as you read the chapters of this book.

The second writing style is more poetic. I am told it is flowery in its design. It mirrors the voice of my heart and soul, and so delivers to the reader a glimpse of the inner sanctum I hold closest. As I write in this second mode, I can hear it, feel it, and see it as I type. The words have a life of their own and pass easily from pen to paper. It is as if some being has taken hold of my inner creativity and set it free. My muses come to life, and my spirit soars as I write.

As I wrote this book, it became clear why my mind has been so convoluted in these last years. I have been living with one foot firmly planted on the earth and the other soaring in an ethereal domain. Ive lived in two separate and distinct worlds that, over time, became so entwined it was virtually impossible for my mind to function.