Meg Meeker M.D. - Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: the 30-Day Challenge

You are the filter through which your daughter processes her beliefs about all other men, even God. This week, be courageous enough to examine what kind of a filter you are.

Do you give men a good name, or are you showing her that men are scary, disinterested, and aloof?

Your Speech

What is your tone like?

Are you critical or encouraging?

Your Presence

Daughters want their fathers to move closer to them, not farther away.

What are you doing to grow closer to your daughter?

Read the Introduction and Chapter One, You Are the Most Important Man in Her Life, in Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.

H eres a thought that will make your hair stand on end: You, Dad, are a template for all male figuresteachers, boyfriends, her husband, uncles, and even God himselfin your daughters life. Because you are there from her earliest years, you set a template over your daughters mind and heart regarding how she will interact with all males. If you are kind, she will expect all males to be kind. If you are harsh and critical, then she will expect the same treatment from other men.

Being a template is an extraordinary responsibility and is sobering. But you can handle it. You are a man. You are wired with everything you need in order to be a great dad.

You may be living at this moment with evidence of the truth about fathers being a template in their daughters lives. How is your wife or girlfriend relating to you? Does she have difficulty trusting you without good reason? Does she ever get angry with you over things that you didnt do? If the answer is yes, you may have a bone to pick with her dear-old dad. The truth is, because daughters watch their dads so intensely, they learn about maleness and masculinity from you. They dont just watch how you treat them; they watch how you treat their mothers. One of the best gifts that a father can give his daughter is to treat her mother with respect and love. Your daughter gets clues about how her husband should treat her.

So be very, very careful. If you have a strong marriage, show her mother affection. If you have a rocky one, continue to take the high road. Dont criticize her mother in front of her and most certainly, get your anger under control. Angry men are terrifying to daughters. You can show love to her, but if she sees your anger erupt at her mother, she will be frightened of you nonetheless.

Perhaps you have been through a tough divorce, and her mother is pitting your daughter against you. Though it requires a great deal of courage, insist on being respectful toward her mother. In doing so, you do your daughter an enormous and life-changing service. You teach her that even when men are under duress, she should expect them to treat her well.

I hear from men every week who feel estranged from their daughters by angry mothers. They ask me what they should do to keep their relationships with their daughters strong. Heres what they need to know: Daughters always return to what is right and good. If you keep your wits about you and act like a good, loving man, refusing to get caught up in wars with her mother, she will come back to you. Maybe she will stay detached as a teen, but when she matures and enters her adult years, she will be drawn to your integrity and want a relationship with you. Hold on.

One of the best gifts that a father can give his daughter is to treat her mother with respect and love.

Little girls tell me wonderful things. One young first grader, Carrie, chatted with me about God one day. Curious to know her perceptions of God, I asked Carrie, So what do you think God is like?

Oh, thats easy, she said. Hes got real brown hair and a mustache on his lip. And hes really quiet and nice. I watched her mother smile.

Do you ever talk to God? I continued.

Yup. Kinda a lot. He likes me. If I could see him, I would like to sit on his lap and tell him secrets. He is so big and squishy, and he listens a lot.

Carries mother pulled out a photo of her dad who was serving time in the military. He had dark brown hair, a mustache, and a quiet looking demeanor. I couldnt tell whether or not he was squishy, but I imagine he was.