Heather P. Webb - Redeeming Eve: Finding Hope Beyond the Struggles of Life

2002 by Heather P. Webb

Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN: 978-1-4412-4216-7

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked MESSAGE is taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Youre Aging Well written by Dar Williams 1993 BURNING FIELD MUSIC (ASCAP)/Administered by Bug. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Shes Just Dancing by David Patrick Wilcox copyright 1980 by Irving Music, Inc., on behalf of itself and Midnight Ocean Bonfire Music (BMI). All rights reserved. Used by permission.

The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.

For Kirk
A tender man, strong and steadfast

God seems to enjoy surprising us. With most of my writing, teaching, and counseling endeavors, words seem to arise from a place of struggle and hope, joy and sorrow, in my own life. Redeeming Eve is no exception. There is a certain accountability in having to live the words one is writing. I have not been immune to the message but have felt called to live it with integrity. This book reflects my own journey. I invite you to journey with me into your own story. It is my hope that you will be richer for it.

Countless voices from the past have helped shape my vision. Each book I have read, every story I have heard, each person I have encountered has added fragments of meaning to the stories I tell.

I wish to thank my former teacher and current colleague Dan Allender whose fingerprints are found throughout this book. My other teachers, though not mentioned by name, include the courageous women and men who have invited me on their journeys as clients, directees, and students. This book flowed out of watching many others live well.

This books birth was realized through the loving encouragement of friends and family who assisted in the arduous process of labor and delivery. They have been my support. Among them, my husband, Kirk Webb; Christie Lynk; and Betsy and Geoff Parkinson provided the initial editing. Friends and family are witnesses to me of Gods transformative love and unending grace.

My thanks extend to Baker Book House for Bob Hosacks passionate overseeing of the project and for the editorial departments wisdom that clarified and strengthened my words.

Finally, I wish to thank my students at Mars Hill Graduate School who helped choose the name for the book and who encouraged me to write my words for others to hear.

What does it mean to be a woman who is in the process of healing and who, ultimately, has healing to offer?

What is broken?

What might I hear if I turned my ear inward to hear my heart speak?

These are the unspoken words of the women who sit across from me.

As a counselor, I have the rare privilege of being with people in some of their deepest questions and struggles with God and themselves. I have listened to their stories and been witness to the mysterious process of change.

A tired-looking, middle-aged woman settled into the seat across from me with a sigh. She began to explain in a rapid, staccato manner about her concerns and worries for her children. She ended her monologue with these words: So you see my problem; I am here hoping you can help me get my son on the right track. He needs to go back to high school and get his degree. Mary looked at me beseechingly, but also with the kind of intensity that said, I mean business. I knew that she wanted to hear the five short steps to wiring our children to fit our goals for their lives. I knew I had no such tool in my toolbox. Instead, I looked at her and asked, Is there anything you want personally from counseling that might be of help to you in this situation? Her look suggested, Havent you heard a word I said? We stared at each other for a few moments, until she broke the silence with, I guess I am just so tired of carrying this weight around with me. That was an honest admission.

It would take several more months of working together before Mary started talking about herself and her condition instead of the difficult people in her life she was trying to straighten out. Mary had spent many years believing that her worth came only from being able to help someone. She did not believe that there was anything within her own self to be enjoyed.

On another occasion, a vivacious, chipper coed sat across from me. She was all smiles and giggles until she reached the part of her story that was central to her recent problems. Laura got quiet and then glanced up at me nervously. All my friends are applying to graduate school or interviewing with businesses, she said. I cant even imagine filling out a job application. People keep asking me what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but I try to blow off the question and change the subject. I have no idea what I am supposed to be when I grow up. Over the next month, it became evident there was more on her mind than just vocation.

Later, speaking in a pained and mature tone, Laura confided that she wasnt sure she wanted to get married, or even could get married, given the fact that she had been brutalized on a date a year ago. The event had occurred in the fall, shortly before Christmas. When she went home at break, her family and friends noticed a change in her, but she would not tell them what had happened. She felt responsible for what happened to her because she had been drinking, which, besides being illegal, was considered a taboo by her family and church. In addition, she felt she had committed what she called the ultimate sin of engaging in premarital sex. I didnt even want it. I certainly didnt enjoy it. But there was no excuse. Its my fault. If only I hadnt had those drinks, that guy wouldnt have been able to take advantage of me and maybe then I could tell my family. But Im afraid theyll say I was bad, so Ive kept this all a secret.

Like Laura, many women are trapped in scripts of regret, wishing desperately to change an inflexible past. They are haunted by the desire to be responsible so they can assure themselves, This will never happen to me again. It is a way of saying, If I can take responsibility, I can reassert my control over my life and I can stay safe. But can we stay safe? Is safety the kind of life God intends for us, or is the call for women of faith to something much deeper and broader than safety at all costs?

Marys and Lauras stories are not unique. They epitomize many stories of the women (and even some of the men) who have sat across from me and wondered about their lives, their purposes, their futures, and their dreams. Certain questions come up frequently: Will a man ever find me attractive, given my story? How do I find a future when I am living in a broken present? How do I get back to my own story when everyone elses has seemed so important for so long? With Mary and Laura, as with the other women in this book, names and circumstances have been modified to protect confidentiality. The stories you read are an amalgam of different peoples lives and experiences.