Miguel Barron - The Boxers Corner: A Cancer Caregivers Story of Love, Loss, and Isolation

Copyright 2019 by Miguel Barron
All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

Published by LilEg Publishing,
Rancho Palos Verdes, California
www.theboxerscorner.com

Edited and designed by Girl Friday Productions
www.girlfridayproductions.com

Design: Paul Barrett
Project management: Sara Addicott
Image credits: Cover photo by Inked Pixels / Shutterstock; All interior photos courtesy of Miguel Barron

ISBN (paperback): 978-1-7336228-0-6
ISBN (ebook): 978-1-7336228-1-3
LCCN: 2019905063

First edition

To Ivan and Luca, the joys of Nadias life.

The idea of writing this book came to me about a year and a half into my wifes battle with breast cancer. Her initial diagnosis, in May 2013, set in motion the medical nightmare so many unfortunate women have to endure: a mastectomy, an axillary dissection, chemotherapy, and radiation treatment. By December of that year, seven long months after her initial diagnosis, her treatments finally appeared to be behind her.

Little did we know that only a few short months after finishing her array of treatments, a dry and persistent cough would reveal her cancer had returned, this time to her lungs.

What my wife and so many other women have battled is nothing less than brutal: the physical abuse of surgery after surgery, the agonizing marathon that is chemotherapy, and the psychological distress of losing ones femininitybreast loss, hair loss, weight volatility, and skin changes. As if that werent enough, there is the small matter of the fear of death. More specifically, the fear of dying at a young age, of leaving everything one loves behind, ones children, ones husband, ones friends, everything.

I can never pretend to understand how lonely my wife must have felt at times. But I have a very good idea of how much she suffered. And I do because I have witnessed all of it in person from the very first minute. In doing so, I have experienced profound pain and loneliness myself. And that is what prompted me to write these pages.

I know I am not the victim here. Few things can compare with the mental and physical suffering of a womans fight with breast cancer. But while the world is well designed to provide support to cancer patientsthrough family, friends, doctors, counselors, and, of course, the spouse, I found few obvious outlets for the emotional roller coaster I was facing.

Writing these pages became my way of coping. It helped me digest and come to terms with all the emotions I was feeling. And it spared my friends the extra hours (and there were plenty) of hearing about my wifes seemingly endless struggle. I also wanted to leave a transcript of events for my sons, Ivan and Luca, who were too young to comprehend everything that was happening, but who may one day read these pages and better understand what happened to their mother. And should these pages ever reach other caregivers fighting to save a loved one, I hope those readers find some solace in knowing they are not alone and that it is okay to be overwhelmed by the responsibilities and pressure involved with being the strong one. That many of the conflicting emotions they may be experiencing are natural. That many of the frustrations they feel are nothing to be ashamed of.

I am not a doctor or psychologist. I cannot speak in scientific terms about how one may or should feel. I can only provide my own personal experience as a reference. And should these pages ever reach others in similar circumstances, I hope they serve as a source of solidarity and companionship.

And to my wonderful Ivan and Luca, this was the story of your fathers battle to save your beautiful mother.

It was a perfectly normal weeknight, maybe a Tuesday or a Wednesday. We had recently returned from a ski trip out West and were slowly getting back into our daily routine. The boys were upstairs getting ready for bed, and I was lying in bed watching TV while Nadia changed in the bathroom. It was as normal a night as any. While she stood in front of the mirror, I noticed Nadia holding up her left arm. She seemed to repeat a motion with her arm, raising it and then lowering it, while periodically feeling her left breast with the fingers of her right hand. I didnt really pay attention to it and would have never remembered, if not for what ultimately transpired. Nonchalantly, she turned her head toward me and said, I think I feel a little something here.

I walked into the bathroom and placed my finger on the exact location she was indicating. I dont really feel anything, I replied. But make an appointment with the doctor if you want. The truth is that I did not really feel anything. And yet, I had a strange, uneasy feeling about it, which I knew made little sense from any rational standpoint. But without fretting on it any further, we agreed she would make an appointment with her doctor the next day and left it at that.

It took some two to three weeks before Nadia saw her doctor, possibly due to the doctors busy schedule or Nadias putting off making the appointment for a few days. In any case, by the time she went to see her doctor, the little something was very much noticeable. I could now roll my finger over it, as if it were a small marble deep under her skin. The doctor eventually saw her and, as was to be expected, requested a biopsy of the little something in her breast.

In the days following the biopsy, Nadia became increasingly nervous. She knew breast cancer was very common, and there seemed to be little other explanation for why there would be a small lump in her breast. I tried to comfort her by telling her it was probably nothing, a cyst or something of the sort. And so the days passed while we waited to hear from the doctor.

One day after work, while I was having drinks with colleagues, my phone rang. I had warned Nadia I would be running late, and she was well accustomed to the lads post-work drinks ritual. So there was no real reason to call me, other than, of course, to tell me she had news of the lab results. Before I picked up the phone, I knew what the call was about. And just as I had feared, the voice on the other end was that of my frightened wife, crying.

Its cancer, Papa. Its cancer. The dreaded words that would forever change our lives.

From the moment of my wifes initial diagnosis, I was hell-bent on learning everything I could about breast cancer in general and about her breast cancer in particular. I discovered very quickly that speaking about breast cancer in generic terms is a bit like speaking about cars in generic terms. We know cars have wheels and brakes and lights, but a Lamborghini has little in common with a Toyota. Overall, breast-cancer statistics are very encouraging, and they get better every year. But when you peel that onion, you discover there are huge differences in the risk profiles of different subtypessomething I would have never known had I not been plunged into the matter headfirst.

When I was handed a copy of my wifes first biopsy reportthe one of the original tumorit was like looking at a Chinese manuscript. I didnt understand a word. What I did notice, however, was that Nadias doctor and her assistant had managed to shuffle all of their meetings around in order to block out a full hour of their day to discuss the test results with us.