Robert Heinlein - Starship Troopers

I always get the shakes before a drop. Ive had the injections, of course, and hypnotic preparation, and it stands to reason that I cant really be afraid. The ships psychiatrist has checked my brain waves and asked me silly questions while I was asleep and he tells me that it isnt fear, it isnt anything important its just like the trembling of an eager race horse in the starting gate.

I couldnt say about that; Ive never been a race horse. But the fact is: Im scared silly, every time.

At D-minus-thirty, after we had mustered in the drop room of the Rodger Young, our platoon leader inspected us. He wasnt our regular platoon leader, because Lieutenant Rasczak had bought it on our last drop; he was really the platoon sergeant, Career Ships Sergeant Jelal. Jelly was a Finno-Turk from Iskander around Proxima a swarthy little man who looked like a clerk, but Ive seen him tackle two berserk privates so big he had to reach up to grab them, crack their heads together like coconuts, step back out of the way while they fell.

Off duty he wasnt bad for a sergeant. You could even call him Jelly to his face. Not recruits, of course, but anybody who had made at least one combat drop.

But right now he was on duty. We had all each inspected our combat equipment (look, its your own neck see?), the acting platoon sergeant had gone over us carefully after he mustered us, and now Jelly went over us again, his face mean, his eyes missing nothing. He stopped by the man in front of me, pressed the button on his belt that gave readings on his physicals. Fall out!

But, Sarge, its just a cold. The Surgeon said

Jelly interrupted. But Sarge! he snapped. The Surgeon aint making no drop and neither are you, with a degree and a half of fever. You think I got time to chat with you, just before a drop? Fall out!

Jenkins left us, looking sad and mad and I felt bad, too. Because of the Lieutenant buying it, last drop, and people moving up, I was assistant section leader, second section, this drop, and now I was going to have a hole in my section and no way to fill it. Thats not good; it means a man can run into something sticky, call for help and have nobody to help him.

Jelly didnt downcheck anybody else. Presently he stepped out in front of us, looked us over and shook his head sadly. What a gang of apes! he growled. Maybe if youd all buy it this drop, they could start over and build the kind of outfit the Lieutenant expected you to be. But probably not with the sort of recruits we get these days. He suddenly straightened up, shouted, I just want to remind you apes that each and every one of you has cost the govment, counting weapons, armor, ammo, instrumentation, and training, everything, including the way you overeat has cost, on the hoof, bettern half a million. Add in the thirty cents you are actually worth and that runs to quite a sum. He glared at us. So bring it back! We can spare you, but we cant spare that fancy suit youre wearing. I dont want any heroes in this outfit; the Lieutenant wouldnt like it. You got a job to do, you go down, you do it, you keep your ears open for recall, you show up for retrieval on the bounce and by the numbers. Get me?

He glared again. Youre supposed to know the plan. But some of you aint got any minds to hypnotize so Ill sketch it out. Youll be dropped in two skirmish lines, calculated two-thousand-yard intervals. Get your bearing on me as soon as you hit, get your bearing and distance on your squad mates, both sides, while you take cover. Youve wasted ten seconds already, so you smash-and-destroy whatevers at hand until the flankers hit dirt. (He was talking about me as assistant section leader I was going to be left flanker, with nobody at my elbow. I began to tremble.)

Once they hit straighten out those lines!equalize those intervals! Drop what youre doing and do it! Twelve seconds. Then advance by leapfrog, odd and even, assistant section leaders minding the count and guiding the envelopment. He looked at me. If youve done this properly which I doubt the flanks will make contact as recall sounds at which time, home you go. Any questions?

There werent any; there never were. He went on, One more word This is just a raid, not a battle. Its a demonstration of firepower and frightfulness. Our mission is to let the enemy know that we could have destroyed their city but didnt but that they arent safe even though we refrain from total bombing. Youll take no prisoners. Youll kill only when you cant help it. But the entire area we hit is to be smashed. I dont want to see any of you loafers back aboard here with unexpended bombs. Get me? He glanced at the time. Rasczaks Roughnecks have got a reputation to uphold. The Lieutenant told me before he bought it to tell you that he will always have his eye on you every minute and that he expects your names to shine!

Jelly glanced over at Sergeant Migliaccio, first section leader. Five minutes for the Padre, he stated. Some of the boys dropped out of ranks, went over and knelt in front of Migliaccio, and not necessarily those of his creed, either Moslems, Christians, Gnostics, Jews, whoever wanted a word with him before a drop, he was there. Ive heard tell that there used to be military outfits whose chaplains did not fight alongside the others, but Ive never been able to see how that could work. I mean, how can a chaplain bless anything hes not willing to do himself? In any case, in the Mobile Infantry, everybody drops and everybody fights chaplain and cook and the Old Mans writer. Once we went down the tube there wouldnt be a Roughneck left aboard except Jenkins, of course, and that not his fault.

I didnt go over. I was always afraid somebody would see me shake if I did, and, anyhow, the Padre could bless me just as handily from where he was. But he came over to me as the last stragglers stood up and pressed his helmet against mine to speak privately. Johnnie, he said quietly, this is your first drop as a non-com.

Yeah. I wasnt really a non-com, any more than Jelly was really an officer.

Just this, Johnnie. Dont buy a farm. You know your job; do it. Just do it. Dont try to win a medal.

Uh, thanks, Padre. I shant.

He added something gently in a language I dont know, patted me on the shoulder, and hurried back to his section. Jelly called out, Tenn shut! and we all snapped to.

Platoon!

Section! Migliaccio and Johnson echoed.

By sections port and starboard prepare for drop!

Section! Man your capsules! Move!

Squad!I had to wait while squads four and five manned their capsules and moved on down the firing tube before my capsule showed up on the port track and I could climb into it. I wondered if those old-timers got the shakes as they climbed into the Trojan Horse? Or was it just me? Jelly checked each man as he was sealed in and he sealed me in himself. As he did so, he leaned toward me and said, Dont goof off, Johnnie. This is just like a drill.

The top closed on me and I was alone. Just like a drill, he says! I began to shake uncontrollably.

Then, in my earphones, I heard Jelly from the center-line tube: Bridge! Rasczaks Roughnecks ready for drop!

Seventeen seconds, Lieutenant! I heard the ship captains cheerful contralto replying and resented her calling Jelly Lieutenant. To be sure, our lieutenant was dead and maybe Jelly would get his commission but we were still Rasczaks Roughnecks.

She added, Good luck, boys!

Thanks, Captain.

Brace yourselves! Five seconds.

I was strapped all over belly, forehead, shins. But I shook worse than ever.

Its better after you unload. Until you do, you sit there in total darkness, wrapped like a mummy against the acceleration, barely able to breathe and knowing that there is just nitrogen around you in the capsule even if you could get your helmet open, which you cant and knowing that the capsule is surrounded by the firing tube anyhow and if the ship gets hit before they fire you, you havent got a prayer, youll just die there, unable to move, helpless. Its that endless wait in the dark that causes the shakes thinking that theyve forgotten you the ship has been hulled and stayed in orbit, dead, and soon youll buy it, too, unable to move, choking. Or its a crash orbit and youll buy it that way, if you dont roast on the way down.