Amber N. Payne - Breathtaking

Breathtaking

Breathtaking

A Memoir

AMBER N. PAYNE

2013 by Breathtaking Ministries, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by BookJolt LLC

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior permission of the copyright holder, except as provided by USA copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scriptures are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture references marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture references marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture references marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament, 1965 and 1987 by The Zondervan Corporation, and from The Amplified New Testament, 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

eISBN: 978-1-62480-041-2

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2006910113

Dedication

Jesus:

Thank you for each breath Im given to glorify You. My life is Yours.

John:

I cant imagine waking up every morning cuddled up next to anyone else. Serving you, and consequently being sanctified through our marriage, is my greatest earthly joy and privilege. I love you, Baby, more and more each day.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown and other donors to Breathtakings creation:
Without you the first edition of Breathtaking would have never been possible. Your generous monetary gifts have been in the past, and still are today, extremely appreciated and always handled with the utmost care. We could never say thank you enough. May the Lord bless you for your selfless acts!

The unnamed Saints in Hebrews 11:3540:

You are my inspiration.

DECEMBER 4, 2012FULL CIRCLE

Why go back and rehash the past?

I constantly asked my husband this question during the winter of 2011, when we were contemplating rereleasing Breathtaking. The idea of going back over a book I released over three years ago and originally wrote between four and five years ago really didnt excite me... at all. In my mind, we were going to be beating a dead horse. Since I am a visionary and always thinking about the next big thing, my, at the time, five-year-old double lung transplant, and the book that was born out of the brokenness that came with my almost dying at nineteen, seemed like really old newsat least to me. I didnt even know my husband until two years after my transplant. Life obviously had moved on. In my mind, so should we.

The almost two years between Breathtakings release and my marriage were filled with dozens of speaking engagements across the country. With Breathtaking in tow at each event, I shared about Gods sovereignty and goodness amidst human suffering. I also had television and radio interviews, completed my bachelors degree, and formed a non-profit ministry. Yes, I was an extremely blessed and busy single woman.

During early 2011 and just a year into my marriage, I was working out my salvation in a completely good and different, though not nearly as adventurous, way. I spent the vast majority of my time serving my husband, taking care of our home, and working from home as a publicity and marketing assistant to help pay down student loans. All and all, I was living a rather normal life for a young, married woman in her twenties.

The Lord wanted more, thoughfor me, for us.

Granted, John and I very much needed that first year of our marriage to cultivate our relationship with God and each other in order to build a foundation on which we can stand when times get tough. After all, if our marriage is not Christ-centered and solid and we have a hard time living out the gospel in our own home, how can we expect to minister to others?

When John, after consulting with the Lord, finally declared it was time to move forward with the ministry, I was more than elated. I was looking forward to the help of my husband and what God had in store for the two of us together. I had no desire to go back and revisit the past. Instead, I was ready for the two of us to pave our own way and tell our story, the good and the bad, for the glory of God, not tell my story all over again. In addition, like most authors, I was my own worst critic. I was starting to loathe some of the prose I used as a frail nineteen-year-old and longed to be able to go back and fix the book to my liking. Changing everything around didnt seem like the right thing to do, though. In my mind, it was settled, then. Wed just leave the book the way it was and never look back.

God had other plans for me, though. Again.

I should have known from the start that I didnt have it all figured out, but, like everyone, Im still a work in progress. The Lord changed my heart and showed me that revisiting Breathtaking is not just something my husband needs, but also something that I need, as well.

More importantly, the revised edition of Breathtaking is for you. Maybe you never read the first account and are diving into it for the first time. If so, welcome. I hope my brutal honesty hasnt scared you away. If youre familiar with me or my story, then I suppose you wouldnt expect anything else. I know of no other way to write, so if refreshing honesty is what youre looking for, then this books for you. If youve already read Breathtaking before, I pray God can reveal something different to you through your second or third reading of the text.

Through having to revisit the text myself, Ive learned some valuable lessons. Most of all, I learned that I have a choice. On one hand, I can refuse to share my story again. In the process, however, I will derail plans God has for us to minister to you. On the other hand, I can humbly submit to His plan and go back and remember for myself the time of quiet desperation for Him that inspired Breathtaking. I can be encouraged by remembering a time that was excruciatingly painful but that shaped me into the woman who is a suitable helpmate for my husband, a helpmate who is wholly devoted to Christ and striving to be secure in who she is in Him. Even though the part of my life spotlighted in this book seems so very long ago, I now know there is profit in revisiting the pain that I often unintentionally, but sometimes intentionally, forget. I know there is benefit in remembering Gods faithfulness during my time of grave need and acknowledging He is still the same LORD today.

Beyond the readers and my own needs, my husband needs to feel a part of the time in my life that changed me forever, a time that I, and others, can tell him about, but one of which he has no memory. I can choose to honor that need or dismiss it, but regardless of what I decide, the need will not disappear. The bottom line is that he needs to feel a part of the ministry I started on my own before hell be ready to grow and shape it together. No, I can never physically take him back to the months of my being bedridden and dependent upon oxygen for air and a feeding tube for extra nourishment, but I can give him a tangible way to feel a part of what he was a part of all along. The truth is, even though we were hundreds of miles apart and unaware of each others existence, as hell tell you, he was praying for me and very much a part of my recovery. Now I can give him a tangible way to feel a part of what he was a part of all along.