Lippe Simone - Blank

Before he knew who he was he knew that he had blood on his hands. The inevitable who am I and where am I had yet to form but he was already sure that these were his hands and that this was probably not his blood. Then he knew that he was in a dark room and then, somehow, that he wasnt alone.

He also knew that he was posed, probably awkwardly, on the floor of a clinical examination room. He had no recollection of ever before being in a clinical examination room but he innately recognized the reflective white tiles, examination table, hand sink and blade disposal as standard features of the venue, although there should probably have been less shattered glass and scattered instruments and splashed blood. The bewildered bear of an orderly standing over him with a generously endowed hypodermic in his hand didnt look at all out of place.

The orderly was Leonard, if his name tag was to be believed, and the hypodermic in his hand was actually in his hand and coming out the other side just enough to look like it might hurt. But Leonard didnt notice the needle or the man on the floor or much of anything, it seemed.

The man on the floor looked where his own name tag should be and found only torn hospital scrubs. The bloody tag was in his bloodier hand, as if hed known that he was going to need to refer to it and, as it turned out, he did. Beneath the congealing blood his name was Ray. Ray Something, because this friendly, family environment apparently didnt put last names on their tags. It was a start.

Leonard? Did you do this? He asked and then, looking at the orderlys wounded paw, Did I do that?

Leonard looked at him now with a face that could never be imitated by a mind distracted by a single, solitary fact. Then he noticed his hand as though hed forgotten he had one and presented it to Ray.

You know what, Leonard? So far as I know right now that might be perfectly normal, so why dont you just hang onto that. Perhaps he and Leonard had fought and, unlikely as it seemed in light of Leonards circus-side-show size, he had won and had stuck him with a hypodermic that was even now responsible for the giants panda-bear docility.

But there was no blood on Leonard and Ray was in no position to start being exclusive about his circle of friends, so he climbed to his feet now quite certain that hed been in a fight or, possibly, hit by a car, and examined the puncture.

Now, just look at me. said Ray and slid the needle out while Leonard was duly distracted. Leonard looked at the hypodermic and his hand as if unsure that they were meant to be parted. Quid pro quo, Leonard. Now you do something for me and tell me who I am and where we are and, if youre up to it, what the hell is going on.

Leonard wasnt up to it. He blinked with some limited expertise and looked carefully about without turning his head.

Oh good. said Ray, Youre a turnip. He dropped the hypodermic into the sink and began washing the blood off his hands but stopped when he noticed that he was at risk of smudging a note written in ballpoint on his left wrist 12-22-14. A date, possibly. Possibly even todays date and it may as well have been for all the answers it provided. He knew it wasnt a phone number and he found himself wondering briefly how he knew even that much. He noticed that Leonard was now carefully examining his own arm for clues.

But neither Leonards arm nor anything else in the room yielded anything other than evidence of a scattered and clumsy battle which smashed vials and spilled tongue depressors and syringes and cost someone about two pints of blood. The door was partially open and providing the only light in the form of a yellow stripe dividing the room in half and making Leonard appear even larger and more ominous than he already was.

Goodbye Leonard. Ray said and pushed through the door with the sort of hopeful optimism attendant with knowing that things couldnt get much worse.

He was in a hospital in still life. In an ill-green hallway nurses and orderlies and civilian visitors with flowers and magazines stood where the moment found them, doing whatever theyd been doing and going wherever they needed to go when they appeared to have simultaneously forgotten what and where. They shared the same blank, vaguely startled stare that Ray had most recently seen on Leonard. The semblance of perfect normalcy just slightly off-kilter was as dramatic as it would have been if the staff and visitors had all been doing a synchronized song and dance number.

Ray tried to cast his mind back to the last nightmare hed had, by way of comparison, but the only solid memory he could form was of waking up to the sight of Leonard with a hypodermic needle through his hand. He was a full-on amnesiac with no idea who he was or where he was or how he got there and he was the most plugged-in person within screaming distance. But he had to try.

He chose a hefty older nurse with Nancy on her nametag and a selection of little cups on a tray for no better reason than that she was older and heftier and the little cups made her look responsible. Ray took her by both shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

Nancy? You really need to snap out of it Nancy. If anyone needs a nurse right now its me. Nothing. Nancy looked through him at some unseen horizon and he knew that there was absolutely nothing behind her big brown eyes. She held her tray of little cups because thats all shed ever done and it was as natural to her as horseback riding was to a statue of General Washington.

He interrogated other bystanders. Tracy? Jeff? Toupe man? More nothing. They looked at him with the same vacant respect you get when you raise string theory with a cocker spaniel.

Ray worked his way down the hall, judging the relative engagement of its population turnip, turnip, potato, pumpkin, baked potato. At the end of the hall Ray turned a corner to the relatively encouraging sight of a common area with large windows bathing an ugly open-concept lounge in natural light. The area was delineated by a drab carpet and a cement column in the center was festooned with the hand-made posters for reading circles and used childrens clothing that are taped to the walls of all institutions everywhere. The eclectic furnishings of plastic chairs and swivel chairs and deep armchairs had all been turned toward a large-screen television and every seat was occupied.

It was hard to distinguish between patients and orderlies because they all had the same hospital gear and name tags and sported some combination of Los Angeles Dodgers paraphernalia. There were Dodgers shirts and caps and some of the audience of about twenty, all men, were holding pennants. Bowls of baseball snacks of peanuts and chips and popcorn remained untouched. All eyes were glued to the TV, which was showing a test pattern.

Ray knew then that he was going to have to take his business elsewhere. He moved past the lounge because the only other direction led back to the ill-green corridor. The windows continued down one side of another hallway of treatment rooms, not unlike the examination room in which Ray had most recently been reborn but larger and with more light and less blood. He checked the rooms as he passed them and found no further cause for hope.

In one room two men in emergency response uniforms were standing over a bony young man on a stretcher. One of the men was repeatedly and automatically defibulating the obviously dead body. He wasnt looking for signs of life or even looking, he was just pressing the paddles against the naked ribby chest long enough for the body to leap from the gurney like popped corn, and then doing it again, with the same devotion to duty that Nancy brought to her tray of little cups.

In the next room a technician stood blinking at an X-ray machine as it buzzed and pumped radiation into the eyes of an oblivious old man in a leather apron and corduroy slippers. Directly across the hall, on the other side of the glass, a window washer looked blankly in from his suspended platform with a squeegee in his hand. Ray looked back at him and wondered what floor he was on.