Roberts Deborah al Roker - Been there, done that : family wisdom for modern times

Introduction

By most measures, we are just your average American family. Yes, we may be in the public eye, but we share a lot of the same struggles, challenges and dilemmas other families face every single day, especially when it comes to raising our children.

Were not perfect.

Far from it.

Were not even striving for perfection... Well, maybe Deborah is. (Al, I admit it!) But still, we know were fallible, and thats what keeps life interesting. What fun would perfection be anyway?

Although Al has written a number of books, collaborating was a new challenge. As we kept sharing our ideas, our goals and our memoriessome funny... some of them seriouswe realized that what we most wanted to write about were the values and lessons we hope to convey to our children. Passing on our values is one of the most important responsibilities of parenthood, and sometimes the lessons weve learned the hard way can spare our kids an ounce or two of struggle. Many of these lessons came from our own parents, while others came from friends, colleagues or people weve been privileged to meet all around the world. All have gifted us, in words or by example, with tremendous insight and wisdom. Some of those lessons were small and easily absorbed; others were deeply painful, but valuable and necessary. These are the things we want to teach our children and, we agreed, to share. We hope these stories will help inspire, entertain and connect with you in the process.

We are truly excited to take this project on together because outside of our family, which were extremely proud of, we havent had the chance to collaborate on many other projects. Someone once said to us, The couple who works together stays together! Ever wonder if the person who said that actually worked with their partner? Were here to tell you, if you can survive writing a book thats personal, revealing, open, honest and full of intimate details about your life, then you can survive anything! (We did it! In fact, the experience brought us closer.)

We come from very different backgrounds, which has given us a broad perspective on all the things we have faced as individuals, as a couple, as parents, as journalists and, most of all, as a family.

One thing we do have in common is being raised in a large family, with Deborah being the seventh of nine children and Al being the oldest of six. When we think back to our childhoods, the happiest and most vivid memories that bring us the greatest joy are those family moments that shaped us into the people weve become today. Deborahs life was shaped by her small hometown in Georgia and Als by his close-knit neighborhood in Queens, New York. Deborahs conservative Southern values and Als urban savvy have combined to make a well-balanced, albeit sometimes feisty and spirited, home environment, one that never gets boring or old! (Well, not unless its the argument about whos driving.)

Despite our differences, weve both carried our childhood lessons into our roles as partners and parents, and we think weve been mostly successful in creating a balance that has helped blend our family into one filled with unity, love and togetherness. Above all, we share an understanding that family trumps everything. You may bicker, disagree, drift and come back together again, but at the end of the day, when the chips are down, family is who you can count on and who truly matters most in your life.

Other than the Bible, theres truly no life handbook for modern times. If your pets start lining up two by two, check your homeowners insurance for flood coverage! Otherwisenope, there is no users manual to confirm we are doing this thing called life right. Believe us, weve searched high and low for one. It doesnt exist. So instead we hope, we pray, we discuss our choices with friends and loved ones, we look for signs, we ask professionals, we probe, we research and still we hold our breath that we are making the right decisions every day.

Thats life.

And life is what this book is all about. Experiencesfunny, smart, sad, real, challenging, hard-to-talk-about, got-to-do-it-anyway experiences and what we learn from each of them.

We havent seen it all... yet... but Lord knows weve seen a lot. You might say weve really been there, done that.

Every day we strive to take the wisdom that our parents passed on to us and integrate their knowledge and experience with what weve learned in our own lives. As a result, weve been able to share their legacy with our children, instilling their values and ours, as we face the daily challenges of being mom and dad, husband and wife, and chief cooks and bottle washers.