Young - Two eggs, two kids : an egg donors account of friendship, infertility & secrets

An Egg Donors Account of Friendship, Infertility & Secrets

Parasol Press LLC
Houston

A good book to recommend to patients or potential egg donors. It offers a very personal view from both the egg donor and the recipient. Its an easy read for a potential egg donor, recipient, or their family/friends.

Lynn Westphal, MD, FACOG
Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology
Stanford University Medical Center

Alicia Young has taken the potentially sensitive topic of egg donation and written a beautifully honest account of what it is like to choose to be an egg donor. By taking us along on her journey to donate to two of her friends, she provides us with a rare glimpse into the profoundly personal decision-making process and physical sacrifice that occurs when women choose to give one of the most precious gifts a person could give.

Toni Weschler, MPH
New York Times best-selling author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guideto Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health (20th Anniversary Edition, William Morrow, 2015)
tcoyf.com and cyclesavvy.com

Two Eggs, Two Kids provides a refreshing perspective for anyone considering being an egg donor or using one. Alicia Young takes us inside her journey, from early discussions to the physical and emotional assessments involved. In sharing her two very different donor experiences, she equips readers with questions to ponder themselves and to ask of clinic staff, to better understand the vital role they play.

Gail Sexton Anderson, EdM
Founder, Donor Concierge, donorconcierge.com; Harvard-trained counselor; former research staff, Department of Psychology, Yale University

Alicia brings to light a subject that has been so often swept under the rug and stigmatized. Modern medicine has improved so much, and it is heartening to have this real, conversational account out there for public view. It is insightful and thought provoking for potential recipients of a known or anonymous donor, as well as for women considering donating their eggs to help a potential woman/couple have the family they have dreamed of for so long.

Lauren Haring, RN
Director of Nursing, Genetics & IVF Institute, givf.com

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TWO KIDS, TWO EGGS
An Egg Donors Account of Friendship, Infertility & Secrets
Copyright 2015 by Alicia Young

ISBN: 978-0-9855950-9-8 (paperback)
ISBN: 978-0-9855950-8-1 (ebook)
LCCN: 2015902425

PUBLISHED BY:
PARASOL PRESS LLC
PO Box 980456
Houston, TX 77098-0456
twoeggstwokids.com savvylife.net

Book design by Monroe Street Studios
Author photo by Elizabeth Shrier. 2014 Alicia Young
Cover photo by Charmaine Lobo. 2015 Alicia Young

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owners and the above publisher of this book.

eab:20150615

Please humor me as I state the obvious: Im not a doctor or other health care professional; I cannot provide one iota of advice as to diagnosis, prognosis, or halitosis, for that matter (okay, maybe a quick thought on that last one: brush, floss, gargle). Im writing this book to share my personal experience and insight as an egg donor. Perhaps youre a potential donor or a potential recipient. Maybe you have a family member going through infertility, or you might work in the field.

I appreciate you have numerous questions to weigh, and Im glad that so many resources exist to help guide you. My story is simply one perspective. You deserve unhurried time with your doctor or nurse to answer any questions and to carefully regard any physical and emotional impact of being a donor, or accepting the help of one. I cant rate your chances of being a donor (or finding one), I cant tell you how you might react to the medication or procedure, and I cant tell you how youll feel afterward. However, I do hope that by reading about my experience, you will be better equipped for yours.

I also appreciate that rules and regulations can vary widely across countries and even across states, and that each situation will have almost as many variables as the individuals involved. I have twice been a known donor, both times in Australia, where it is currently illegal to be paid. I wasnt bothered by that; I would have felt uncomfortable being paid by close friends, but I certainly dont judge anyone who is compensated.

My best wishes to you on your journey, whichever role you might play.

Alicia, USA

PART I
ANGELA AND STEVE

PART II
KATE AND THOMAS

PART III
YOU, THE POTENTIAL DONOR OR RECIPIENT

INTRODUCTION

Them:Do you have kids?
Me (smiling):No, we forgot.

WAIT. Im not seeking to trivialize something as important as having a family. This cheeky reply is simply my way of deflecting personal questions. Ive had this conversation repeatedly, and I recount it for you now with a pinch of wonder at the myriad ways in which families are formed today.

My husband, Jon, and I chose not to have children, so you might be a little surprised to learn that we donated my eggs to two different couples, each good friends. The use of we is not a typo: the physical act of donation was mine, but I wouldnt have considered it for a moment had Jon not been comfortable and in complete agreement.

Im one of nine children, raised as a garden-variety Catholic (how did you guess?). Getting married and having children soon after was both the norm and expectation; I was an aunt by age eleven and took delight in all the babies that came along. And there were many. By contrast, I knew in high school that I wouldnt have children myself. Predictably, this was dismissed by everyone with the usual smile or roll of the eyes and a constant refrain of Wait until you grow up. Everything will change. Except, it didnt. Its not that I imagined a life without children in it (I still cant); I just didnt think I needed to birth them myself. (My harried parents delivered me to a birthday party a day late, and my sister a week early, when we were each around first grade. A saying comes to mind: A mothers job is to deliver her childonce obstetrically, and by car for the rest of her life.) I both witnessed and felt the joy children bring not only to their parents, but to the wider tapestry of doting aunts, cool uncles, and eccentric grandparents.

In these pages, Ill share with you how we came to offer my eggs to a dear friend, and how, five years later, a different friend asked us to donate. The circumstances of these two experiences and their final outcomes could not be more at odds. Each couple adopted a starkly different approach, which, in turn, meant the experiences for their children were poles apart. I know you will understand why I have used pseudonyms for some of them.