Ewa Lipniacka - Xenophobe’s guide to the Poles

Slavonic brotherhood notwithstanding, the Poles have always considered that East is East and West is best and the twain meet on Polands eastern frontiers. If money talks, then what it tells the Poles is to travel west when seeking fame and fortune because to the east lie lands that are rich with people who are poor and who cannot afford Polish plumbers.

If money talks, then what it tells the Poles is to travel west when seeking fame and fortune.

Their Russian neighbours are seen as brutish; a people born to be dominated, neither enterprising nor hard working, their successes being put down to sheer weight of numbers and ownership of essential raw materials . Although wary of the Russian mafia, on whom they lay the blame for the rise in their own crime rate, the Poles were quick to capitalise on the opportunities that trade with Russia and its former empire offered and many a fortune was made, and lost, on the tricky Russian market. Because of this familiarity, the Poles were the first to warn of the danger of Russias stranglehold on world resources. Now, when Russians turn off the gas tap with every cold snap, the rest of Europe can more easily understand Polish fears and resentment.

The Poles find their other neighbours, the Germans, a dull lot who, left to their own devices, will stay in their own backyard and nurture Heimat, but as a nation (whether by war or trade) are born to dominate. Though some Poles still worry that Germany might try to reclaim Silesia, an ever- increasing army of Polish migrants are making their home there, and most Poles hope that EU membership of both parties will keep German militancy at bay.

The Poles have the misfortune to be sandwiched between the two giants and try to turn it to their advantage by playing business partner to either and middleman to both. But then, theyre adept at dancing on tightropes.

The Poles have the misfortune to be sandwiched between the two giants and try to turn it to their advantage Theyre adept at dancing on tightropes.

For nations to admire, Poles look further afield. Most frequently, in search of style gurus, they turn to Italy, and not for the first time in history. Bona Sforza, wife of Zygmunt the Aged, introduced the Renaissance to Poland, along with architects, artists and craftsmen, and revolutionised Polish cuisine by bringing lettuce, leeks, cabbages and cauliflowers from Italy with her. In the 18th century, Bacciarelli and Canaletto painted Warsaw, which was being remodelled by, amongst others, Italian architect Dominic Merlini. After the Second World War, Canalettos paintings were used as a guide for the reconstruction of streets and faades that the Germans had demolished.

For centuries the Poles, especially the aristocracy, slavishly followed French style from language to fashion , and lived in France if they could afford it. Poles who fought bitterly to save themselves from becoming Russians or Germans voluntarily made themselves imitation Frenchmen. Napoleon was revered, though he only saw the Poles as cannon fodder, and Polish law and many civil institutions are based on the Napoleonic code. But French xenophobia and frequent ganging up with Germany in EU forums, has brought the one-sided love affair to an end. Relations are so frosty that even the French language is rarely taught in Polish schools.

Nowadays its the English who have captured Polish hearts and minds: English pubs, English products, the English language taught in all schools.

Nowadays Polish hearts and minds belong to the English. There are English pubs and English products, signs in English over shop doors, and English taught in all schools. Football fans even try to measure up to English football hooligans, luckily without much success. Britain and Ireland were the first EU countries to open their doors to the Poles, who flock there to work, study and play. Consequently, Roman Catholicism is the fastest growing religion in Britain and European demographic statisticians are working overtime to keep up.

Poles admire the Americans for their single-minded pursuit of wealth, but see them as nie kulturalni (uncultured) a signal condemnation in Polish eyes. American Polish jokes have little currency in Poland. However, Poles laugh at Polish Americans and see them as a nave lot, but put this down to the effect of living in America.