Lotta Dann - Mrs D is Going Within

BOOKS

10% Happier: How I tamed the voice in my head, reduced stress without losing my edge, and found self-help that actually worksa true story

By Dan Harris

A very good read. He also has a website, app and podcast available here: 10percenthappier.com

A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled and Sane New World: Taming the mind

By Ruby Wax

Ive read both of these books, and they are excellent.

Mindfulness: An eight-week plan for finding peace in a frantic world

By Mark Williams and Danny Penman

This is the brilliant book I followed to the letter. The accompanying audios are here: rodaledigitalbooks.com/mindfulness

Mrs D Is Going Without

By Lotta Dann

This is my first memoir, which tells the story of how I quit drinking.

Real Happiness: The power of meditation

By Sharon Salzberg

I love this woman! This book offers a 28-day programme to get you meditating. She also has loads of material and links available on her website: sharonsalzberg.com

The Happiness Trap: Stop struggling, start living

By Dr Russ Harris

I found this guy through the Mindfulness Summit and bought his book straight away. It offers fantastic, practical strategies for dealing with emotions.

The Mindfulness Revolution: Leading psychologists, scientists, artists, and meditation teachers on the power of mindfulness in daily life

Edited by Barry Boyce

A great collection of essays by leading experts in the field.

WEBSITES

Living Sober

livingsober.org.nz

This is the recovery website that I run. It provides a safe, free and anonymous online space for people to come together to talk about their relationship with alcohol. Our community is very kind, non-judgemental and powerful.

Mrs D Is Going Without

livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.co.nz

This is my original blog, which I started just two days after I quit drinking. I still post here regularly.

The Mindfulness Summit

themindfulnesssummit.com

The entire Mindfulness Summit is still available here. You have to pay to access it now, but it is worth every penny!

Breathworks

breathworks-mindfulness.org.uk

This is a site for anyone dealing with pain, stress or illness. Vidyamala Burch is the co-founder of Breathworks and I heard her speak twice during the Mindfulness Summit.

Chopra Center Meditation

chopracentermeditation.com

This is Oprah and Deepak Chopras site.

Doctor Albers

eatingmindfully.com

This is the site for Susan Albers, who is the mindful eating expert I heard about through the Mindfulness Summit.

Mindful

mindful.org

This is where I got the newsletter from that included 5 Tips for a Mindful Day. Barry Boyce is editor-in-chief of this site.

Shamash Alinda

shamashalidina.com

Shamash is the fun and upbeat mindfulness expert I heard talk during the Mindfulness Summit. He wrote Mindfulness for Dummies.

Tara Brach

tarabrach.com

Tara is amazing and on her website makes freely available loads of guided meditations and hour-long talks.

Tiny Buddha

tinybuddha.com

This is the site run by Lori Deschene, who gave me my healthy internet tips. Her site is chock-full of enriching material.

APPS

Headspace

headspace.com

This might be your thing (it is for millions of people!).

Thank you to the lovely team at Allen & UnwinJenny, Kimberley, Angela, Melanie and Becky.

Thank you to my test readersCorin Dann, Alice Gilroy and Sue Kerr.

Thank you to Melli and Matt for putting on the amazing Mindfulness Summit and giving me permission to quote from it extensively.

Thank you to all the mindfulness experts of the world who share their wisdom and knowledgeoften for freethrough their books, websites and social-media pages.

Thank you to all my girlfriends, in particular my antenatal group (still going strong after twelve years!)Robbie, Sarah C, Kath, Sarah G, Emma and Katy.

Thank you to all my extended family, particularly my parents, Chris and Tina, and my three sisters, Brita, Anna and Juliet.

Thank you to my fabulous sons, Axel, Kaspar and Jakob.

And, Corin. Without you, nothing would be possible.

facebook.com/mrsdisgoingwithout

instagram.com/mrs_d_alcoholfree

twitter.com/mrsdalcoholfree

What the bloody hell is the problem?

Its 5 pm on a Tuesday. In an hour I need to take my middle son to his Cubs meeting, but before that well have dinner. Ive got sausages in the frying-pan, potatoes roasting in the oven, broccoli and carrots chopped and ready to cook. My three boys are happily playing video games (or watching YouTube videos of other people playing video games, which is apparently a fun thing to do). While its quiet, Im tidying up the house, repositioning things so that they are in their rightful placesomething I seem to do endlessly. Corin will be arriving home from his job as TVNZs political correspondent later. Its an ordinary Tuesday evening. So why do I feel nervy and on edge, like something is wrong?

I can feel it in my bellythere are butterflies there. I mentally run through a list of things that might explain why I am feeling this way. (There always has to be a clear reason for any emotion, is how I think.) Butterflies usually equal nerves. Am I nervous about something? Have I got a scary work meeting coming up or a talk to do? Did I just receive a snippy email or nasty text message that Ive forgotten about? I stop my tidying and lean over to place both hands on the corner of the kitchen table. I try to reach back into my mind. Nope, cant remember anything specific. So what is going on? Is my health worrying me? Is there a social event looming that Im dreading? Nothing. Well, what the bloody hell is the problem, then? Why the butterflies? I can feel them dancing around in my belly and hate that I cant pinpoint why theyre there. What on earth are they trying to tell me?

I despise this sense of impending doom, this feeling like Ive got something to worry about. Its not an unfamiliar sensation and oftenlike right nowI cant put my finger on what that something is. I take a deep breath and push myself off the table then carry on tidying things away. As I head back over to the kitchen benchpicking up some shoes on the way and chucking them in the basketIm still edgy and worrying about whats wrong. Surely there must be a simple and clear answer to why Im feeling wound up. Did I sleep badly last night? Am I due for my period? Have my food choices been crap lately and thats whats bringing my mood down? No silver bullet springs to mind to explain why I have this nervous tummy. Its annoying.

I keep ruminating on whats wrong as I chuck a couple of glasses into the dishwasher then turn on the elements under various pots and pans. The edginess stays with me as I move about the kitchen, getting dinner plates out of the pantry and putting them on the bench. I need a solution.

Its a pretty fraught conversation, this one Im having in my head

The only solution I have is to distract myself. Im very good at this. I reach into the secret cupboard (the one that everyone knows about), where treats for lunchboxes are stashed, to grab two mini bags of salty chips and tear them open. Ive been sober for so long that wine isnt on my radar any more and, thankfully, Im not having a fierce internal debate about whether to have a glass (or five) of merlot to smooth out the edginess but the chips are a nice, salty distraction for sure.