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Children and death, Death--Psychological aspects, Bereavement--Psychological aspects, Terminally ill children--Psychology.
publication date
:
1984
lcc
:
BF723.D3D63 1984eb
ddc
:
155.9/37
subject
:
Children and death, Death--Psychological aspects, Bereavement--Psychological aspects, Terminally ill children--Psychology.
Page 3
Helping Children Cope with Death
Robert V. Dodd
Page 4
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Dodd, Robert V. Helping children cope with death.
Bibliography: p. 1. Children and death. 2. DeathPsychological aspects. 3. BereavementPsychological aspects. 4. Terminally ill childrenPsychology. I. Title. BF723.D3D63 1984 155.9'37 84-6713 ISBN 0-8361-3368-4 (pbk.)
The paper used in this publication is recycled and meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI Z39.48-1984.
HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH DEATH Copyright 1984 by Herald Press, Scottdale, Pa. 15683 Published simultaneously in Canada by Herald Press, Waterloo, Ont. N2L 6H7. All rights reserved. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 84-6713 International Standard Book Number: 0-8361-3368-4 Printed in the United States of America Design by Alice B. Shetler Cover photo by Camerique
99 98 97 12 11 10 9 8 7
17,000 copies in print
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In Memory of My Parents Alice V. and Waudell B. Dodd
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Contents
Introduction
9
1. Children Experience Grief, Too
13
2. What Not to Tell Them
21
3. What We Should Tell Them
27
4. The Parable of the Butterfly
33
5. What to Do with Them
37
6. Should Children Attend Funerals?
43
7. When a Child Is Dying
47
8. More Than We Could Have Imagined
51
The Author
55
Other Resources on Death
56
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Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14, NIV
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Introduction
The dialing of the phone and a muffled voice awakened me. As I listened more carefully, I could hear my great aunt tell someone in hushed tones, "Alice passed away last night."
It took a few minutes for the implications of that statement to dawn on me. My mother had been in the hospital with chronic heart trouble for weeks. I had been staying with my two great aunts. And now, that for which my mother had tried to prepare me, but for which we are never truly prepared, had taken place. I ran into the hall and asked my great aunt what had happened. My other great aunt took me into the breakfast room, sat down at the table with me, and told me something which confirmed my worst fears: I was eleven years old and my mother was dead!
A sense of numbness overwhelmed me. It couldn't be true. There must be some mistake. Maybe it was a dream and I would wake up soon. But there was no mistake, and I cried.
In the hours and days that followed I will never forget the coldness and loneliness that gripped my soul. The adults around me did what they could. They brought food, they offered advice, they came to our home and to the funeral home in great numbers to pay their respects. But, some ignored me because they simply didn't know what to say to an eleven-year-old boy who had just lost his mother.
My conscious memory recalls only bits and pieces of that tragic experience now. I remember how resentful I was because everyone seemed to be having so much fun at our house, eating the food and discussing anything and everything but my
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mother's death. I was hurting inside and those around me didn't seem to understand. They acted like they had come to a party instead of a funeral. And I also recall the overwhelming smell of too many flowers in a room without adequate ventilation. Then there was the artificial way in which morticians tried to preserve the illusion of life. I had a negative response about practically everything that happened to me in those days surrounding my mother's death. But I never had the opportunity to tell anyone, because most people tend to ignore the needs of children during times like that.
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