Jenny Yuen - Polyamorous: Living and Loving More

Copyright Jenny Yuen, 2018

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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Yuen, Jenny, author
Polyamorous : living and loving more / Jenny Yuen.

Includes bibliographical references and index.
Issued in print and electronic formats.
ISBN 978-1-4597-4040-2 (softcover).--ISBN 978-1-4597-4041-9 (PDF).--ISBN 978-1-4597-4042-6 (EPUB)

1. Non-monogamous relationships. I. Title.

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We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, which last year invested $153 million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country, and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Ontario, through the Ontario Book Publishing Tax Credit and the Ontario Media Development Corporation, and the Government of Canada.

Nous remercions le Conseil des arts du Canada de son soutien. Lan dernier, le Conseil a investi 153 millions de dollars pour mettre de lart dans la vie des Canadiennes et des Canadiens de tout le pays.

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J. Kirk Howard, President

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To Co & Co,
the best company a girl like me can have.
Love you both.

And to my baby girl, Ella. Youre our little rainbow miracle.

This cant last. This misery cant last. I must remember that and try to control myself. Nothing lasts really. Neither happiness nor despair.

Laura Jesson, Brief Encounter

DAVID LEANS 1945 FILM Brief Encounter tells the tale of Laura Jesson, a married woman with kids whose complacent life becomes complicated after a chance meeting with a stranger named Alec.

The film struck me deeply when I first watched it. Thats not just because its a masterpiece beautifully shot in contrasting black and white but because it also illustrates the brutal consequences of unintentionally falling in love.

Sitting on the couch, I was transported to three years before. I felt a stab of guilt and a wave of empathy for Laura because Id had my own brief encounter that became an affair, lasting more than a year.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

I knew I was caught.

It was time to raise the white flag.

I still remember the stunned look on my then boyfriends face, even though he knew what had been going on for quite a while.

I have something to tell you, I told him quietly. I had an affair. Its over now, but it went on for about a year.

His lips quivered. Then the name-calling, which I felt I deserved Fucking whore. Fucking slut.

A few days prior, I had broken it off with the other man Mr. San Diego. Even though we loved each other, I knew affairs were never meant to last. We severed ties and he blocked me on Facebook. It hurt both of us. He showed me a note he wrote to his friend that said, Why does it hurt more that my girlfriend dumped me than if my wife had?

A year and half earlier, in July of 2011, a friend and I took a trip to San Diego to attend Comic-Con. We had gone the cheap route, trying to save two hundred dollars by taking several connecting flights. On the final flight of three that day, from Denver to San Diego, there he was: slender, wearing a neat, crisp shirt and well-fitting slacks. Handsome-nerdy, Id say. My friend was feeling nauseous from the ups and downs of the multiple flights, and I agreed to switch my window seat for hers. Mr. San Diego, who was nearly forty, sat down beside me; his wife and two young sons were sitting in the row ahead.

Feeling chatty, I struck up a conversation with him, mainly about our destination (his home): things to do as a tourist and the geeky exploits of visiting a pop-culture convention. We didnt exchange information, but he managed to find me with the details I had given him about my job.

He emailed me.

I didnt think anything of it. I was happy in my relationship. We added each other to Facebook. He came to Toronto in the spring of the following year and asked if I wanted to meet for a friendly drink. Again, I thought nothing of it. We spoke mainly about U.S. politics and I dropped him off at his hotel after.

But things changed in the summer. I was struggling with my relationship at home. I felt trapped and thought a solo trip would help calm my nerves. So, I went to San Diego again for Comic-Con, but this time I decided to turn it into an extended week-long trip.

Usually, when Im travelling alone, I feel exhilarated and free. This time, I felt lonely. San Diego turned out to be quite a barren city that felt more like a small town to me before the convention started.

The only night I went out on the town was when Mr. San Diego picked me up and we went to a dive taco bar. By the end of the night, it felt like a date. And there was this wild attraction, the spark of excitement that I needed and had not felt in a really long time. He dropped me off at my hostel in his rare sports car to this day, when I see one, it brings me back to that time.

In the movie Unfaithful, Diane Lane plays a complacent wife entangled in an affair with a hot Spanish dude after a chance meeting on the street. In a flashback after the famous snow globe murder scene, Lanes character rewinds to the day she met him. Instead of allowing herself to know him, she hails a cab and he remains a stranger.

Mr. San Diego and I were soon chatting on Facebook and the flirting intensified, escalating to X-rated messages. I prayed he wouldnt offer to drive me to the airport. He didnt.