Carl Tenderoni - Hip Snips: Your Complete Guide to Dazzling Pubic Hair

WARNING: The text in this book is intended for entertainment purposes only. The publisher and author hereby disclaim any liability from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. Exercise caution before using any products, accessories, or hair care appliances on your pubic hair. In simpler terms, your private parts are special, and you should think long and hard about what (or who) you allow near them. Glue, hair spray, paint, clocks, chalk, straightedge razors, barrettes, hair crimpers, and hot straightening irons are probably things you dont want to use near your genitals.

Copyright 2010 by Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2009937554

eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-809-7

Designed by Doogie Horner
Illustrations by Headcase Design
Production management by John J. McGurk

Cover photography by Jimi Robinson

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T he fashion industry is constantly evolving and changing, looking itself in the mirror and saying, This needs to be smaller! This needs to be bigger! This needs to go up my nose! And I feel the world is now ready for one of the biggest changes of all: pubic art.

We style our hair, faces, shirts, pants, undies, shoes, and even socks. So why wouldnt we style our personal crotch canvases? Because narrow minds have a knee-jerk reaction to our hair downstairs; they see it as something gross and unmentionable. In fact, the mere mention of the word pubic is enough to elicit disgust. This, I feel, is a travesty. Pubic hair is a natural part of the human body and should be treated with the same reverence that we treat the rest of our bodies. Hair is hair, and hair is fabulous! And dont you owe it to your pleasure organs to decorate and celebrate them properly? After all, look at what theyve done for you!

I have devoted my entire career to the styling of pubic hair, and this book is meant to enlighten the world about the beauty and styling possibilities contained deep in each and every one of our crotch patches. Read it and you will appreciate every new fun zone you encounter as beautiful in its own unique waymuch like a snowflake.

While Ive included my top 50 favorite pubic hairstyles for you to experiment with, I encourage you to see this not as a complete list of possible styles, but rather as inspiration for your own self-expression.

Now dive right in and make your patch pube-tastic!

M any people believe that pubic hair is a modern nuisance, a follicular inconvenience that cropped up sometime during the eighteenth century. Well, the little-known truth is that pubic hair has been around since the dawn of mansome primordial species even had pubic hair. And although today we maintain our downstairs to make a fashion statement, many early civilizations altered their pubic regions for a variety of no-nonsense reasons, including medical, religious, cultural, professional, and a preference for an acomoclitic (smoothie) lifestyle.

In ancient Egypt, depilation (the act of removing pubic hair) was commonly utilized to combat lice infestation. Pyramids, shmiramidsthe Egyptians knew that pubic-hair maintenance was the key to a burgeoning empire. With primitive tweezers, they would pluck out individual hairs, one by one, until achieving an acomoclitic state. The ancient Greeks and Romans also commonly removed all of their body hair.

And its not just sexy loin-clothed cultures that used their personal patch as a canvas. A particularly clothed culture, Muslims believe that all adults should remove their pubic hair (and underarm hair) as a hygienic measure. The practice of pubic-hair maintenance traveled with Islam to northern Africa and surely made its way to Europe. And once you go Euro, youve got a full-blown trend! Kings, queens, artists, priestspubic hair was the talk of the continent. Throw in a dash of Victorian-era prudishness, and pubic-hair art had all the makings of a full-blown revolution.

By the twentieth century, lovers worldwide were expressing themselves on their personal canvases. In the 1930s, Baron Martin Stillman von Brabus shaved the pubic hair of his lover Margaret, Duchess of Argyll, into a representation of the Mercedes-Benz logo.

Yes, pubes and pop culture will forever be linked, and today, with my help, Landing Strips, Bea Arthurs, and Chewbaccas will be comingling out in the open. Viva la Pubic Revolucin!

B efore an artist creates a masterpiece, he or she must prepare the canvas. Doing so might entail stretching the canvas to the right size or priming the canvas with gesso. And in order to style the most fabulous creation on your very own personal canvas, you must maintain and care for your hair.

In a world of disposable razors, at-home waxing kits, moisturizing conditioners, and hand-held showerheads, theres no excuse for an unattended crotch canvas. If you want to style patches that are pleasing to the eye and to your lover, some of you may need to undergo some routine maintenance. Youll need to keep your love canvas and surrounding areas generally tidy. Sure, some advanced styles require growing out your region, but you need to delineate a region in the first place if youre going to showcase superior pubic art.

SHAMPOO VERSUS SOAP

Its a personal choice everyone must make: Do I use soap or shampoo? Surely soap will clean your canvas. And yes, shampoo will leave your patch clean and freshly scented. However, if you have sensitive skin, sometimes shampoo can be too stringent on your follicular situation. I always advise first-time artists to begin with a mild soap and move up to the more heavily scented shampoo alternatives.

TO CONDITION OR NOT TO CONDITION

A dollop of moisturizing conditioner might be the difference between a tangle-free lustrous mane and a bland, flat set of pubes. I almost always vote Yes for conditioner usage, but dont fool yourselfif your patch is particularly coarse, all the conditioner in the world isnt going to help. In this case, you could try shaving it all off and seeing if something better and more manageable grows back in.

L ike a refreshing Coke or a slice of pizza, theres something classic and dependable about the Short Trim. And like a fine mahogany table, the Short Trim is practical, classy, and nice to lean against. A man or woman sporting the Short Trim says to the world, Im clean, Im safe, and I dont have to take prescription meds to control a psychiatric condition. It allows easy access without looking too done.

For a proper Short Trim, use an electric razor with a #1 (-inch) blade guard to achieve a consistent length. You must shear the entirety of your crop into a tight, neat, even length. Trim your patch in four vertical strips, always shaving in the direction of the hair growth. Maintain with biweekly trimmings.