Thug Kitchen - Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

DEAR READER, I love Thug Kitchens cooking. As hilariously foul-mouthed as these motherf*ckers are, I really like their passion for eating the right food, for cutting to the chase, and for knocking up good, nutritious food from scratch. Their message is simplestop relying on the microwave, stop relying on processed crap. Whoever you are and wherever you are, get down to the markets and supermarkets, use your budget to pick up some fresh ingredients, and get cooking. So, Thug Kitchen, good luck, and keep doing what youre doing.

JAMIE OLIVER

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TRACK LIST

Breakfast

Salads, Sammies, and Mini Meals

Soups and Stews

Salsas, Sips, and the Snack Life

Burritos, Bowls, and Other Bomb-Ass Meals

Baked Goods and Motherfucking Dessert

Welcome to Thug Kitchen, bitches. Were here to help. We started our website to inspire motherfuckers to eat some goddamn vegetables and adopt a healthier lifestyle. Our motto is simple:

EAT LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK

And why not? You eat three times a day. That seems like an adequate amount of fucks to give on a daily basis. But why does the transition from the drive-thru to homemade meals seem so fucking impossible? Maybe its because the people who tell you how to cook healthy food come off as so fucking phony. There is an aura of elitism surrounding eating well, and so many people tend to associate health with wealth. As we learned how to cook for ourselves, we couldnt identify with these beautiful bloggers in their big-ass kitchens waxing poetic about fennel pollen as they stirred up their chanterelle-studded sauces.

We dont need theories to explain why people choose convenience foods over home-cooked meals; weve been there. We grew up like most people: Dinners never took more than 10 minutes to heat up and everything was centered around meat and slathered in cheese. We accepted the idea of eating shit because we legitimately thought it was how food was supposed to be. With our parents busy at work and our attention focused on Ninja Turtles, we didnt fucking bother to learn how to cook for ourselves. This was a time when companies were coloring ketchup purple and teal for whateverthe-fuck marketing campaign they were running. Potato chips had a goddamn disclaimer on the bag about how the oil might cause anal leakage. What the fuck, right? Those were some dark days in food. We didnt think we had enough time or money to learn how to cook real food for ourselves, so we willingly ate that fucking nonsense. So, no, we didnt grow up in wheatgrass-covered huts on some hippie commune. We are your next-door neighbors and somewhere along the way, we learned to eat right. And you can too. Virtue untested is no virtue at all or some shit like that, right?

You might already be down with cooking, but vegetables keep getting left out of a lot of dinners. Veggies got a bad rap they are still trying to shake. We feel you. While bougie motherfuckers were starting to discover microgreens and nettles, we were still out in the land of frozen peas and iceberg lettuce. None of us really knew how to cook a vegetable so that it didnt taste like a soggy gym sock, so we just thought all veggies were bunk. Look: Cooking vegetables takes a minute and a little finesse, but its not fucking rocket science. Its easier to saut kale with some garlic than it is to eat pizza bites without burning the fuck out of your tongue. We just hadnt tried.

As we learned how to do all that grown-up bullshit like drive a car, pay taxes, and own a vacuum, we got to wondering why we were avoiding the kitchen and real meals. Sure, we would have to work at it and probably burn some shit and fuck up a whole dinner, but we deserved better than a pathetic Hot Pocket. Slowly but surely we started schooling ourselves on how to shop on a budget and cook simple, healthy meals. Once we got out on our own and couldnt afford cable to distract us, we really got our shit together. Our friends were impressed by even the simplest meals we made for them and all we could think was: Why doesnt everyone know how to do this? Its not that fucking hard. After plenty of practice, we are here to show you the way and save yall some time.

These days, trying to do right by your body and palate comes with a fuckton of baggage, but it shouldnt have to. Nobody should apologize for trying to take care of themselves or have to struggle just to get better food for their families. You dont have to be some uptown asshole to pay attention to what you eat. Weve got to start taking better care of ourselves because nobody else is going to give a damn. We decided to speak up and let people know that nobody has a monopoly on the right way to eat. Consider this book our invitation to you to elevate your nutrition and kitchen game. No matter who you are or where you are from, you are welcome at our table and to this conversation about diet. Shit is about to get real. Now pull up a fucking seat.

Nobody wants to eat grass clippings and tree roots, but everybody knows that all this fast food and processed shit hasnt been doing our wallets or our waistlines any favors. You dont get to order dinner from your car and have it ready in 3 minutes without trading off some shit along the way. We really need to renegotiate this food deal, because were all getting fucked. We cant afford the hype. These days American households spend 42 percent of their food budget on grub prepared outside their homes. It isnt a party if you do it every fucking day, right? And lets be honest, you arent ordering the salad. All that sodium and cholesterol aint helping anything, and your lack of fiber is going to cause serious problems for your asshole. Yeah, wake the fuck up and take this seriously. Do it for your asshole; you two have always been close.