Thug Kitchen LLC - Bad Manners: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck: A Vegan Cookbook

SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO EAT BREAKFAST

Youve heard the same shit a million times, but its true: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Consider the fact that when you wake up, you havent eaten anything for 6 to 8 hourssometimes longer, depending on whatever the fuck you justified as last nights dinner. So you really think its OK to coast on fumes until lunch? Skipping breakfast is not only lazy but that shit is detrimental to your health. The Harvard School of Public Health found that regularly skipping breakfast increases the risk of a heart attack and heart disease by over 25 percent. Yeah, oh fuck would be an accurate reaction.

When lunchtime comes around, if youve eaten breakfast, youll make smarter decisions instead of desperately inhaling the first edible thing you can wrap your hungry hands on, causing your blood sugar to spike. Its dumb shit like that that leads to diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol, so keep that blood sugar in check with your morning meals. Breakfast is also a way to get your daily dose of fiber to keep you feeling full. Eat well, eat small meals, and eat often and you wont have to apologize for your shitty attitude or for eating a whole large pizza by yourself.

Oh, you dont have time, or youre not hungry when you wake up? What a unique fucking excuse. Breakfast doesnt take a shitload of time. Sure, there is a whole chapter here with some bitchin breakfast foods, but do you know what else makes a respectable breakfast? Cold leftovers, which take seconds to eat. Anyone who says you cant have spaghetti for breakfast shouldnt be in your life. And since when did not being hungry stop you from eating? Ever eat chips by the handful because youre just fucking bored? Yet some toast with peanut butter on it at 7:30 a.m. is just too much to deal with? Dont fucking give us that.

QUINOA OATMEAL

The fiber in the oatmeal helps control your blood sugar and keeps you feeling full until lunch. The quinoa gives your morning a little extra protein because why the fuck not? Start your day right by owning the shit out of it. Serve the oatmeal with fresh fruit, nuts, maple syrup, brown sugar, whateverthefuck will get you through your day.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4

4 cups water

cup quinoa

1 teaspoon olive or coconut oil

1 cup steel-cut oats

Pinch of salt

cup almond milk

Heat up the water in a kettle on the stovetop or in the microwave until it is near boiling. Put the quinoa in a strainer and rinse that shit so it isnt bitter after you cook it.

In a saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the oats and stir them around until they smell kinda toasty, about 2 minutes. Add the quinoa and the hot water and bring it all to a boil. This wont take long because the water should already be hot as fuck.

Once it is boiling, turn down the heat on the pot and let it simmer uncovered. Go doom-scroll on your phone while it cooks for 25 to 30 minutes. It should taste done now, not hard but still a little chewy. Add the almond milk and turn off the heat.

Love to hit snooze? Double the recipe and heat up the leftovers all week.

MIXED VEGGIE AND TOFU CHILAQUILES

This dish makes for a hearty breakfast the morning after a big party. If your head is still pounding and your stomach is grumbling, chilaquiles will set your ass straight.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 TO 6

12 corn tortillas

2 teaspoons olive oil

1 block medium-firm tofu*

2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari

1 teaspoon garlic powder

cup nutritional yeast (nooch)**

medium onion, chopped

1 red, orange, or green bell pepper, chopped

1 to 2 jalapeos, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 to 3 cups fresh spinach

2 cups salsa verde***

cup vegetable broth or water

Toppings: avocado, cilantro, jalapeos, pico de gallo

Crank your oven to 400F. Cut your tortillas up into 8 wedges, like a motherfucking pizza. Spread the wedges out on a baking sheet and throw them in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes to dry out. Stir them around halfway through. Its fine if they start to get hard in some spots but dont let them fucking burn.

While the tortillas get crispy, grab a big skillet. Heat up 1 teaspoon of the oil over a medium heat and crumble in the tofu. It might be a little watery, but dont worry about that shit. Think runny scrambled eggs. Stir in the soy sauce and garlic powder and let it all cook together until some of that water cooks off, about 2 minutes. Stir in the nooch, turn off the heat, and pour the tofu into a bowl. Wipe the skillet down and throw that motherfucker right back on the stove cause we aint done yet.

Heat up that second teaspoon of oil over medium heat. Throw in the onion, bell pepper, and jalapeos and saut until the onion starts to look a little brown, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the garlic and spinach and cook for 30 seconds more.