Felicity Harley - Balance & Other B.S.

Felicity Harley has been a journalist for leading Australian womens publications for two decades, including a nine-year stint as founding editor of Womens Health. She launched and is currently editor-at-large of whimn. She has appeared weekly on Sunrise for ten years, has hosted TV shows and events and is a speaker on her favourite topics: health and wellbeing. Felicity was named one of Australias 100 Women of Influence by Westpac for her brainchild, the I Support Women In Sport campaign. She lives in Sydney with her husband, Tom, and their greatest achievements, their three children. In her, er, spare time, the health aficionado drinks coffee, does yoga, exercises (to stay sane) and cheers on the Sydney Swans. Follow her musings at: felicityharley.com or on social @felicityharley.

The content presented in this book is meant for inspiration and informational purposes only. The purchaser of this book understands that the author is not a medical professional, and the information contained within this book is not intended to replace medical advice or to be relied upon to treat, cure or prevent any disease, illness or medical condition. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application or interpretation of the material in this book.

First published in 2020

Copyright Felicity Harley 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin

83 Alexander Street

Crows Nest NSW 2065

Australia

Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100

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Web: www.allenandunwin.com

ISBN 978 1 76087 754 5

eISBN 978 1 76087 407 0

Cover and internal design by Evi O Studio

Set by Bookhouse, Sydney

To the women in my life who inspire me daily

Your wisdom and advice gives me comfort in knowing were all feeling this and the courage to pass it on

Dear reader,

When I was mulling over how to start this book, I realised how lucky I am. I havent had a major health crisis, I am not battling a diagnosed mental health condition, I havent lost a child (though I did come terrifyingly close to losing one of my sons when he was just five weeks old), I havent struggled through a divorce or experienced daily racial or other prejudice. My life has been somewhat beige in that respect

But what I also am is human. I am a woman grappling with the same basic daily strugglesalbeit Western onesthat you, your sister, best mate, work colleague, barista, boss, favourite podcaster or even TV host or Bachelor contestant or Instagram influencer are facing. No, I am not a sublime expert in feminism, but I am an expert in being a woman. I have a daughter, a mother, two sisters, one sister-in-law and four aunts, and a bunch of close girlfriends and gay friends. Whether youre single, coupled up, married, separated, divorced, a mum or not, LGBTI+ or a grandmother, I know theres some commonality in our experiences. This isnt a book to divideIve written it to unite us. Overwhelma handy word that I use to describe the cyclone of 1000 things going through my mind at any given time and sucking me drydoesnt discriminate. We are all searching for more balance in our lives.

I have lived pay packet to pay packet, Ive lived through an emotionally abusive and destructive relationship in my early twenties not to say that these experiences increase my credentials, but I do appreciate and empathise that there are factors that contribute to our stress beyond just agonising over the twenty loads of washing youve got to do each week.

I also have a husband, Tom, who is in a demanding CEO gig (he played AFLskippered the Geelong Cats to two premierships, in factand now runs the Sydney Swans). Hes my feminist ally, trying alongside me to make sense of this messy time were in, and to step up in support.

Through the adventure of day-to-day life as a woman, I am also trying to remain calm and present and be the best role model I can be for my three kids, two of whom are now in their early years at school.

For the past twenty years I have predominantly worked alongside women, editing magazines and websites that have been marketed and sold to women (Girlfriend, Cleo, Cosmopolitan). I spent nine years as launch editor of Womens Health and went on to launch womens lifestyle site whimn. I see the internet stories that have millions of clicks, and I write about the same topics. In many ways, my job is to know what youre feeling.

I say this with some authority because in May 2019 I wrote a piece for whimn that went bananas. I have never received so much feedback from friends, workmates, strangers and social media followers as I did from that article. It was called Balance is B.S., and modern women have been sold a lie, and it was about how were suffocating under that mental load. Ive never been asked so many times if I was okay.

I wrote that piece, and then this book, because it worries me that womens mental wellbeing is on the decline and were sitting ducks for being sold a quick fix. Theres a reason influencers are selling six-week online courses to overcome your overwhelm, wine mummy memes are shared a gazillion times and companies are spruiking smelly nose sprays to stop our burnout: we are all feeling the same crunch. And its obviously one of the reasons why you picked up this bookthank you!

One in six women in Australia will suffer depression in their lifetime, and one in three anxiety, so mental illness is common, and I want to be clear that this book is not intended as a substitute for seeking professional help. Im writing for those of us who are quietly suffering mostly behind our closed front doorsI know we need to talk about our mental loads more, to share our stories and navigate our way through the overwhelm with our arms around each other. Like a group hug but better. We know life is good, amazing even, and were happy most of the time, but we still need help.

In this book, youll find there are two parts

PART ONE: WE NEED TO TALK

Here, youll find a discussion linking feminism to mental health decline, why its happening (hello, mental load!) and, lastly, whether wellness is a true panacea to it all. It can get heavy in partsI get ragey, exasperated and a bit pissed off. I hope you do, too. Ive also loaded it with experts opinions, studies and statistics, but stay with me as there are also ideas, thoughts and solutions in there.

PART TWO: WHEN SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE

In this bit, I aim to help you with your stress, overwhelm and your mental wellbeing, today. Its about what you can do right now to see through it all and live your version of a meaningful, healthy and well life. Its not about giving up on the feminist fight; its about making sense of how feminism fits in todays society while still rallying on. Every chapter focuses on a C word: clarity, creating space, courage, confidence and connectionso Im running with it. Plus, its easier for you to remember.