Erin Niimi Longhurst - Omoiyari: The Japanese Art of Compassion

Robert McConkey

GOOD DONE TO OTHERS IS GOOD DONE TO ONESELF.

Japanese proverb

What is Omoiyari?

It is difficult to define omoiyari without first explaining omoi, which is a bit of a challenge in itself. There are many homophones in the Japanese language, and the meaning behind words that might sound the same (especially to those who are not native speakers) has to become clear from the context or, if written, from the kanji (the Japanese system of writing that utilises Chinese characters).

A person might be standing in front of you, straining from the weight of a box they have in their arms. They might tell you that the box is omoi and in this context, youd want to give them a hand with it, as its a heavy box. But as you might have guessed, this is not a book about heavy Japanese things.

Omoi in the context of this book, reflects the concept of thought. Omoi can refer to the way people think, or their feelings, emotions, sentiments or desires. Memories or recollections are omoide, which loosely translates to thoughts that have come out, or have left. I have a vivid childhood memory of being caught in the pantry in the middle of the night, jetlagged and elbow-deep in a bag of kappa ebisen (shrimp-flavoured crackers) by my grandfather. Rather than giving me the scolding I was bracing myself for, he took the opportunity to eschew a low-sodium diet he was on at the time (imposed by my grandmother and aunts) to join me in the feast. Breaking out the red-bean ice cream, he justified his actions by using the moment to make a good omoide with me.

Thoughts, memories and feelings can come and go. Something you have been pondering might suddenly come to you, arriving in your mind like a train pulling into its final destination (omoitsuku); and omoi can describe not only the thoughts in your mind, but also the way in which you think about things, too.

OMOIYARI IS A FORM OF SELFLESS COMPASSION.

Omoiyari is an extension of this thinking in relation to others a type of projection. It is the combination of thought and the verb to do, but it is more than just thinking about doing something for other people. The simplest way to describe it might be to anticipate the needs of others, but in an altruistic way, imbued with sympathy, empathy without the expectation of reward or anything in return. Doing something for gain, or with an ulterior motive, is perhaps the complete opposite of omoiyari as a concept. Omoiyari is a form of selfless compassion: putting yourself in the shoes of others, and from their perspective anticipating their needs acting in a way that might make them at ease, happy or comfortable. Its about heightening your awareness to the needs of those around you, and acting in a considerate way. In a Japanese restaurant, for example, youll often find hooks or other ways to stow your bags carefully, so they dont end up scuffed on the floor (or, if youre me, smelling like barbecued meat when youre out having drinks and yakiniku skewers with your mates). Not having these things wouldnt necessarily detract from your dining experience. However, being taken care of, and having someone anticipate the fact that you might not want that handbag you saved up for dragged along the floor gives you a nice feeling.