Wallace M. Howick - Love and Money ; conversations to Have Before You Get Married

We all recognize marriage is rich with shared hope and a commitment to the future. The realization of that future depends on understanding each other and using that understanding to work together.

Today, by some estimates, 40 percent of marriages end in divorce. Money often lies at the root of these breakdowns.

Why?

Many enter marriage without fully understanding their financial position, or their attitudes about money, let alone those of their intended partner. For couples, this void makes the development of a sound financial plan difficult at best and in many instances unlikely. Little wonder that money is often the source of marriage breakdown.

For each of us, money how much we have and how much we spend is something not only possessing obvious financial worth; it is also laden with meaning shaped over many years. Our attitudes, beliefs, and values have been influenced by everything we learned or didnt learn from our parents, how we see ourselves, and how we see ourselves in relation to others. These influences are very real, but they operate below the surface and therefore often go unrecognized.

Ive written this book to help you and your partner:

Discover and explore your own attitudes, beliefs, and values with respect to money.

Understand your partners attitudes, beliefs, and values with respect to money.

Develop productive ways of talking about money.

Develop the skill and insight necessary to construct a financial plan through thoughtful choice and compromise.

Youll find a number of tools and guides to support you on this journey.

Helping others has provided me with insights into how people make financial decisions and perhaps most importantly how they could make better ones. Ive worked in financial services all my professional life, first as partner in one of the large accounting firms, and then as a wealth management executive in one of the large banks. At the request of my colleagues and clients, I have had many opportunities to write articles and speak across Canada and internationally. Teaching accountants and lawyers as well as financial advisors and their clients has been one of the most rewarding parts of my professional life.

The origins of this book are rooted in four occurrences, spread over many years.

The first occurrence: an article that spoke to the rising divorce rate in Canada and other developed countries. One of the most frequently stated causes was money. I grew curious about why money was among the most frequent causes. In speaking with clients and interacting with audiences at my speaking engagements, I began actively listening for possible reasons.

The second occurrence: a comment from a woman who stayed on after one of my presentations to ask questions. She allowed she was facing an ugly divorce. We never talked about money, she said. We just argued or sank into sullen silence. This led me to wonder why couples did not or could not talk about money. As I listened to more and more people, the answer became clearer: They didnt recognize their own attitudes, beliefs, and values about money; they did not know the attitudes, beliefs, and values of their intended; and they didnt know how to explore money issues together, to surface differences, and through fair compromise to construct a plan that worked for both partners. I began to wonder if I could share a basic process to help couples get off on the right foot financially.

From time to time friends would nudge me to write the book to share my thoughts. I wanted to, but I needed to find the just right platform. I was determined that the book would not be just me talking to the reader. Finally, I settled on the literary structure of conversations with a fictional couple, Mark and Michelle, who would give voice to the many challenges, anxieties, and insights Ive heard so often. Their experience and progress would lead to a financial plan. Id invite you, the reader, to come along to learn how to talk about money with your partner and build your own plan through the course of these conversations.