Acton Johnny - The time travelers handbook: 18 experiences from the eruption of Vesuvius to Woodstock

WYLLIE, ACTON & GOLDBLATTS

History repeats itself. First time as tragedy, second time as vacation.

SOME SAY THE PAST IS A FOREIGN COUNTRY. We say get your passport. At WYLLIE, ACTON & GOLDBLATT (WAG) TIME TRAVEL TOURS, we take you back, set you down, and bring you home from some of the finest moments in human history. With our unique Chronoswoosh time exchange plasma shuttle technology, we not only offer the most accurate return to the past, but minimal interference with the time-space continuum. No more getting abandoned in the wrong century, no more returning to find you are your great aunt.

At WAG we believe that history the second time around need not be farce but a celebration, a party, and a vacation. If that sounds like your idea of a good time past, then our CELEBRATIONS & EXHIBITIONS suite of trips is for you. Try the late feudal pomp of the FIELD OF THE CLOTH OF GOLD, where the nobilities of France and England gathered in great alfresco camps to drink, feast, joust, and doff their caps to King Henry VIII and King Francis I. The GREAT EXHIBITION OF 1851 certainly deserves another look and we give you the opportunity to explore Victorian London and the cornucopian contents of the Crystal Palace. For the more hedonistic, VE DAY IN LONDON 1945 and the 1969 WOODSTOCK FESTIVAL in upstate New York offer contrasting experiences of collective ecstasy.

For more experienced time travelers we recommend moving on to an event that has really made a difference. Our carefully curated selection of MOMENTS THAT MADE HISTORY show the wheels of change in motion while delivering the most extraordinary sensory experiences. Feel the ancien rgime crumble and the modern world emerge as CHARLES I IS EXECUTED at the end of the English Civil War or MARCH WITH THE WOMEN OF PARIS in the heat of the French Revolution. For those with more contemporary tastes we offer the poles of the short twentieth century: the ASSASSINATION OF ARCHDUKE FERDINAND IN SARAJEVO that triggered the First World War in 1914; and the FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL in 1989 that brought the long European struggle to a close.

For a more reflective journey to the past, WAG also offers a great treasure trove of CULTURAL & SPORTING SPECTACULARS. Our selection of classic moments takes you to events that seemed unrepeatable and offers them up in all their replayed glory. From the spectacle of the ANCIENT OLYMPICS to the opening night of SHAKESPEARES GLOBE, from the BIRTH OF BEBOP in war-time New York City to the invention of the BEATLES IN HAMBURG, or Muhammad Ali fighting George Foreman in THE RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE, there is something to suit all tastes.

For the more adventurous and stoical of our travelers, we have recently developed the long-form EPIC JOURNEYS & VOYAGES: six months with MARCO POLO IN XANADU in thirteenth-century China; or the chance to crew on the THREE-YEAR VOYAGE OF CAPTAIN COOK to Australia. For those with the strongest nerves and most balanced dispositions we are pleased to include our EXTREME EVENTS: the ever-popular ERUPTION OF VESUVIUS and cataclysmic destruction of Pompeii, the late-medieval madness of the PEASANTS REVOLT that set London alight, and our newest offer, a front-seat view of our first American Civil War trip, the hubris and the chaos of the FIRST BATTLE OF BULL RUN.

Whatever trip you choose, the TIME TRAVELERS HANDBOOK is your Owl of Minerva. In putting together this guide weve been where you are going, weve flown home at dusk, and, at last, with the wisdom of hindsight actually available to us, charted a course through the past on your behalf. We really will take you to the right place at the right time, every time. Alongside the key moments, we let you know WHERE TO STAY, WHAT TO EAT, and HOW TO PAY, and of course HOW TO GET HOME. Our Uncle Karl thought that Man made history but not in circumstances of his own choosing. We cant let you make historyits already a done dealbut we can let you choose the circumstances. Welcome to the past; well take you there.

THE SMALL PRINT: TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF TRAVEL

APPEARANCE AND DRESS CODE

It is important to blend in with the crowd as far as possible, and for this reason WAG will provide you with suitable attire for all of your journeys. You may, however, already possess appropriate clothing or want to try making your own. If so, please read the guidance notes carefully. In cases where having a skin tone and physiognomy markedly differ from that of the locals would attract undue attention, WAGs experienced prosthetic and make-up department will swing into action.

HEALTH ISSUES

All travelers will be subject to stringent HEALTH CHECKS ahead of their journey. An innocuous-seeming virus could have devastating consequences for a historical community which has not developed immunity to it. For similar but reverse reasons, travelers to high-risk destinations will be subject to health checks on their returns, and quarantine will be enforced if necessary. Some trips are more strenuous than others, the long voyages and extreme events in particular. We reserve the right to refuse time travel to clients whose medical condition renders them vulnerable. We advise all travelers to take out appropriate backdated medical insurance.

LANGUAGES AND COMMUNICATION

Travelers should assume that in all but the most contemporary journeys their mother tongue will be of limited use. English speakers who go unprepared to Elizabethan London will find it hard to understand others or to make themselves understood. Consequently WAG provides a basic grounding in the LOCAL LANGUAGE of your journey and an introductory course to body language, ritual, customs, and deportment. The quoted price of each trip includes a two-day residential preparation and orientation programme. Please note: these courses are compulsory and a minimal standard of competence is required of all travelers.

THE TIMESPACE CONTINUUM

All of our trips have been carefully selected so that you can blend into the past without drawing special attention to yourself. (It is for this reason, of course, that we cannot offer moon landings or intimate liaisons with the likes of Caesar or Napoleon.) Even so, you must exercise great care not to do anything that might interfere with the events you have chosen to visit. The timespace continuum is sufficiently robust to cope with your presence and your minor interactions with the events of the past, but grand gestures are simply not on. WAG reserves the right to transport any customer who appears poised to infringe this regulation instantly back to the present, with no compensation payable.