Alexenko - A Survivors Journey: From Victim to Advocate

Text copyright 2018 by Natasha Simone Alexenko

All rights reserved.

The events expressed in this book, while true, were composed from the authors memory.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Amazon Publishing, Seattle

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ISBN-13: 9781503943414

ISBN-10: 1503943410

Cover design by Faceout Studio

To Kim and Vish for bringing magic back into my life,

and to Brooke and Pete for reminding me to laugh at myself.

CONTENTS

PREFACE

At its core, this is a story about love.

Perhaps you find it difficult to grasp how a story about a brutal rape could be about love. I assure you, it is. Follow me on this journey and youll see why.

I was raped. I survived. Im not sure that I would have, if not for the compassion of and care from family and friends, and those that I have met since that terrible night in 1993.

This is not just my story but the story of those who have been raped or known someone whos been raped. The odds are good, or, rather, bad, that you are one of these peopleevery one and a half minutes, an American is sexually assaulted. Yet it is also the story of one horrible act of violence being drained of its power through love and compassion. It is the story of how words and actions can change the world.

It breaks my heart to know that I am the exception and not the rule. There are so many survivors of sexual assault across the globe who have not been met with kindness, who have been dismissed or ignored or, at worst, blamed or even punished for the crime committed against them. I think about those women and men, girls and boys, every day. They are the ones who drive us to show up, to go to work no matter how high the mountain we have to climb, no matter how much it seems the odds are stacked against us.

Its absolutely essential that I make it clear that, though you and I might have some similarities in our experiences, I will never understand what its like to walk in the shoes of another. Know that I recognize our differences and that my heart and mind are open to better understanding how circumstance, religion, belief, class, and race make the story of survival different for each of us.

I believe that there is no one correct way to feel about assault or talk about assault. If youve been assaulted, its totally OK to never talk about it. It is your life, your body, and its up to you. There is no right or wrongthere is only choice. My goal in writing this book is to share my story in the hopes that I can help to shift the paradigm of how survivors of sex crimes are treated. As you might imagine, this book was a challenge for me to write. Sometimes I have a great deal to say; other times I dont. Often its difficult for me to share; sometimes I feel like if I dont say something Ill scream. This is a subject that touches so many of usand all in a different way.

I have met so many amazing people through this work, and these pages are filled with their storiestheir hopes and their tears. I write for each of youthose I know and those of you I dontin every single word of this journey. You humble and inspire me.

No matter what, I acknowledge your truth. I believe you.

.

DESPITE FEAR

Always wear clean underwear.

Mom

I was raped at gunpoint just after midnight on Friday, August 6, 1993, in New York Citys Upper West Side. I was twenty years old, at college in the city Id dreamed about living in all of my life. The excruciating experience on that brutally hot, sticky night was followed by another one almost as traumatic: the rape exam.

As I lay trembling on the cold examination table, with my feet up in stirrups while the medical examiner poked, prodded, combed, snipped, and scrutinized my genitalia for clues to my abductor, I assumed my rape kit would be tested immediately. Why else would I endure such a painful, invasive, and embarrassing exam? So that law enforcement could find and put away the monster that had violated me, of course. Truthfully, I wouldve done just about anything they asked. I trusted law enforcement to follow through. I didnt know that it wasnt so simple.

Instead of being processed, my rape kit collected dust on the shelves of a New York County storage facility, along with 17,000 others, for nearly a decade.

I didnt know it at the time, but my former life ended that grim evening of my rape, and a new one began, one that would eventually lead to my advocacy work for rape victim justice. This would become my singular career focus, and I would go on to create Natashas Justice Project, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to getting the nations backlog of untested sexual assault evidence kits processedand thereby getting more rapists off the streets.

On Thursday, September 10, 2015, twenty-two years after my rape, Natashas Justice Project hit a significant milestone. I was once again in New York City, this time speaking on behalf of rape victims nationwide at a highly publicized press conference with Vice President Joe Biden, US Attorney General Loretta Lynch, and New York County District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. The trio would be announcing a significant joint effort: a pledge of nearly $80 million to be issued as grants from the New York County District Attorneys Office and the US

District Attorney Vance noted that the combined grants represented the single largest contribution toward ending the rape kit backlog that has ever been made and said the funding represent[s] the best opportunity in a generation to take rapists out of our communities. Hed played an integral part in the backlog movement, and New York City had become the nations first major metropolitan area to clear its own backlog of untested rape kits. This goal had been accomplished a decade ago; today the city remains backlog-free. Were going to help cities, counties, and states across the country, from coast to coast, to do exactly the same, District Attorney Vance told a roused crowd.

I was very pleased to hear about the fiscal allocation, but I had concerns. What about accountability? How about the rumblings Id heard about the district attorneys offices earmarked funds being funneled from settlements made with international banks that had violated US sanctions? Would the source of the money pose a problem?

Also, the next presidential election was on my mind. Because federal funding was budgeted only through fiscal year 2016, I worried that our presidential candidates might not recognize the importance of continuing the flow of monies to mitigate the backlog. It was troubling that by the spring of that election year, in the melee of debates, caucuses, and seemingly interminable finger-pointing, the issue hadnt been addressed by any presidential candidates, regardless of party affiliation.

At the age of forty-two, for me the media event marked a personal accomplishment on my tumultuous journey from rape to redemption. Two weeks before the press conference, I was asked to be a standby speaker. The day before, I was told that I would not be on the roster, but would be an invited guest relegated to the crowd. I didnt really like that ideaI felt that instead of being an active participant, I was going to be more of a prop. I tried to brush it off, but I felt a little sad.