Chelsea Lowe - Living With Someone Whos Living With Bipolar Disorder

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Table of Contents

To our agent, Gina Panettieriyou rock!and to my six parental units

Chelsea Lowe

To my mom and dad, who both in their own ways spent their lives caring for others

Bruce M. Cohen

PREFACE

My very first psychiatric patient had a form of bipolar disorder. She was a brilliant young woman whose illness had disrupted her life, her career, and her relationships. Fortunately, her symptoms first waned and then vanished in the face of comprehensive treatment. Her astonishing experiencesof mood swings and delusions followed by sanity, of wild behaviors and speech that resolved to reveal a wise and thoughtful wife and motherconvinced me that I wanted to spend my career trying to understand and improve care for people with this fascinating condition.

For more than thirty years, I have specialized in the psychiatric treatment of patients with bipolar disorder. I have helped care for thousands of patients, and run a major hospital dedicated to those with psychiatric disorders. As a researcher, I have sought and still actively seek to develop new and better treatments. I have written many articles and chapters, both on my own work and to guide others studying and treating bipolar disorder. Along with many others in my field, I have kept looking for better ways to help.

Early in my career, I recognized the importance of including partners and relatives of the patient in my own care of those with psychiatric illnesses. Often my patients brought their partners to appointments; sometimes they were brought by their partners. I soon learned that things almost always went better when a partner was involved: I got more information; my patient got more help and support. After all, patients dont just need doctors. Yes, they need a thorough personal evaluation, followed by professional monitoring and treatment; but they also need a well-organized life. All these needs are best addressed with the involvement of people who care enough to learn about the illness and be part of the overall plan of treatment.

When Chelsea Lowe asked me to contribute to this bookwritten to address the needs of the partners of people living with bipolar diseaseI thought she had a wonderful idea, and I was glad to help. As I spoke to patients and their partners, relatives, and friends, I had come to see the effects of bipolar disorder on them all. I realized that partners wanted to be involved and supportive, but didnt know how. They needed to know what was happening, what would make things better, what was dangerous and might make things worse, what roles they could play. Because they were affected, they needed to know; because they cared, they wanted to help.

Most people, however, know little about psychiatric disorders, and much of what is portrayed in movies or books serves a dramatic point and may not be accurate. There are many factual books, good ones, from brief to encyclopedic, on bipolar disorder. Some of these are listed in the Resources section at the end of this book. Mostly, these books were written by doctors or patients and for doctors or patients. Few, if any, were written for the partner of someone with bipolar disorder. Although much of what we each need to know is the same, not everything is. Partners have different experiences, a different role, and different needs than doctors or patients.

This book is written specifically for partners of people who suffer from bipolar disorder. We know from our own experiences that accurate information and good advice on bipolar disorder can lead to better relationships and more productive lives. We hope the information in this book will provide you with a solid foundation of understanding and will give you and your loved one useful guidance and assist you in understanding your options and accessing the resources you need.

Bruce M. Cohen

INTRODUCTION

Bipolar disorder, or BD, is commonmany millions of people around the world have it, and millions more are diagnosed with it each year. We know from surveys that a great many people suffering from bipolar disorder go undiagnosed. Most of us, whether we realize it or not, know someone who is living with bipolar disordera colleague, a roommate, a friend. And many people live with someone who is living with BDa partner, a parent, a child. Being part of the life of a bipolar person can be difficult, confusing, and frustrating. If we dont understand the disorder and how it affects our loved one, our relationships can easily spin out of control.

The symptoms of bipolar disordersplural, because BD has many formscan range from the wild behavioral extremes of mania (outrageous confidence, spending or gambling away fortunes, embarking on ill-conceived affairs, quitting steady work to pursue an irrational dream) to the quieter but equally troubling consequences of severe depression (immobilizing fatigue, deep sadness, overwhelming self-doubt, and loss of pleasure).

Often, partners and family members are surprised to discover that the person theyve known for so long is in fact bipolar, not just difficult or moody. Cavernous depressions, irrational irritability, insistent speech that denies would-be conversational partners the chance to participate, disorderly thinking, poor judgment, resistance to help, and other symptoms can be trying for those close to an individual with bipolar disorder. More often than not, they have a difficult time finding a reliable source for information and support.

Yet for those whose lives are affected by bipolar disorder, these are good times to live in. Never before have people with BD enjoyed better access to adequate diagnoses, medications, and support. Never has awareness of the condition been greater. And for most individuals diagnosed with one of the various types of bipolar disorder, there is at least one othera spouse, parent, child, sibling, or friendwho cares, wants to help, and desires, for themselves and their loved ones, to enjoy a fulfilling life and good relationships.

To this end, informationabout bipolar disorder, about how it affects our loved onesis vital: the more we have, the less we avoid, patronize, or stigmatize the person with BD, and the better able we are to deal, singly and together, with the problems that are bound to arise. People living with people who are living with BD need information and understanding, help and support, every day. Thats why we wrote this book.

Living with Someone Whos Living with Bipolar Disorder is organized into two parts. The chapters in Part One, Understanding Bipolar Disorder, address the nature of this illness, a bit of its history, and the medication and treatment options available to those living with BD. The chapters in Part Two, Living with Your Partner, speak to the needs of the relationship and two people in it, particularly the partnernamed in the title of this bookwho is living with someone living with bipolar disorder.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writing a book is hard. Writing one with an actively involved coauthor is doubly so. I was truly fortunate to have been matched with Dr. Bruce M. Cohen, who immediately put the lie to any clichs about doctors and ego. Im grateful for his kindness, patience, dedication to the work, and refusal to allow his name to appear before mine in the credits.

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