Roy Lilley - Dealing with Difficult People: Fast, Effective Strategies for Handling Problem People (Creating Success)

• Dealing with Difficult People Roy Lilley

• Decision Making and Problem Solving John Adair

• Develop Your Leadership Skills John Adair

• Develop Your Presentation Skills Theo Theobald

• How to Manage People Michael Armstrong

• How to Manage Projects Paul J Fielding

• How to Organize Yourself John Caunt

• How to Write a Business Plan Brian Finch

• How to Write a Marketing Plan John Westwood

• How to Write Reports and Proposals Patrick Forsyth

• Improve Your Communication Skills Alan Barker

• Successful Time Management Patrick Forsyth

• Taking Minutes of Meetings Joanna Gutmann

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Publishers note

Every possible effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book is accurate at the time of going to press, and the publishers and author cannot accept responsibility for any errors or omissions, however caused. No responsibility for loss or damage occasioned to any person acting, or refraining from action, as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by the editor, the publisher or the author.

First published in Great Britain and the United States in 2008 by Kogan Page Limited

Fourth edition 2019

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms and licences issued by the CLA. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside these terms should be sent to the publishers at the undermentioned addresses:

Roy Lilley, 2008, 2013, 2016, 2019

The right of Roy Lilley to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

ISBNs

Hardback978 0 7494 9879 5

Paperback978 0 7494 8641 9

Ebook978 0 7494 8642 6

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Control Number

Names: Lilley, Roy C., author.

Title: Dealing with difficult people : fast, effective strategies for

handling problem people / Roy Lilley.

Description: 4th Edition. | New York : Kogan Page Ltd, [2019] | Series:

Creating success | Revised edition of the author's Dealing with difficult

people, 2016. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019004933 (print) | LCCN 2019010953 (ebook) | ISBN

9780749486426 (Ebook) | ISBN 9780749486419 (pbk.) | ISBN 9780749498795

(hardback)

Subjects: LCSH: Psychology, Industrial. | Interpersonal conflict. | Problem

employees.

Classification: LCC HF5548.8 (ebook) | LCC HF5548.8 .L493 2019 (print) | DDC

650.1/3dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019004933

Typeset by Hong Kong FIVE Workshop

Print production managed by Jellyfish

Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon CR0 4YY

This is not a book to be read from cover to cover. It is not War and Peace , although with a bit of luck it will give you some ideas on how to have more peace than war.

It is a book to dip into, look for the character or situation youre having problems with, find a solution, apply it and move on. Life is too short to spend it having a row with people.

This is a book to scribble on the pages, rip bits out and do all the things with that your old school would give you detention for! This is a source book but not a reference book. A book to dive into but not to get immersed in.

This is a book you can use to improve your own performance or use as a source of ideas to work in groups to improve the performance of your team.

To the uninitiated, difficult people can be the bane of your life, a blot on your landscape and a real pain to work with. This book is designed to help you to enjoy difficult people. Once you have the key, you can unlock them, influence them, get them working for you, and theyll never notice.

There is no such thing as a difficult person. There are just people we need to learn how to deal with.

Re-read the first rule.

This book is all about dealing with difficult people. Get it? Not difficult situations or difficult issues. Its the people we are focusing on. Certainly difficult people will give you a bad time, horrible situations and awkward issues to overcome. However, at the centre of it all are the people. By understanding people, how they tick, what they think and why they act like they do, we can avoid the bad times and horrible situations, and overcome the awkward issues.

If we plant some seeds and the flowers dont bloom its no good blaming the flower. It may be the soil, the fertilizer, not enough water? Who knows? We just find out what the problem is and fix it.

If we have difficulties with our families, the people we work with or our friends, whats the point of blaming them? Figure out the reason and then fix it.

Yes, you! Before you can think about dealing with difficult people, lets start with you. Are you difficult? Are you the one out of step? Are you the one with the problem? Try the exercise below. Do you think these are the kind of things difficult people tend to say? Probably not. This exercise should help you to evaluate yourself and consider honestly if you could be the one with the problem after all.

Keep a tally chart, for how many times you can use the phrases below in one week:

Reflect on the impact these phrases had on your interactions with others.

Really difficult people are most likely to be selfish and inwardly focused. They wont give a toss about you. For them, its all about them. So, dont let them get under your skin. So the number one rule in dealing with difficult people is: Dont take it personally!

OK, so what do you do, when facing an encounter with a difficult person? Easy. Before you enter an encounter with a difficult person, prepare. You can do this by following the thought process outlined in .

Figure 1.1 Preparing for an encounter with a difficult person