Begg Alistair - Lasting love: how to avoid marital failure

1997 by
ALISTAIR BEGG

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All Scripture quotations, unless indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 and 1994 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, Calif. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (PHILLIPS) are reprinted with the permission of Simon & Schuster from The New Testament in Modern English, Revised Edition, translated by J. B. Phillips. Copyright 1958, 1960, 1972 by J. B. Phillips; and by permission of HarperCollins Publishers Limited.

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Version.

Edited by Anne Scherich
Interior design: Ragont Design
Cover photo of knotted string and wedding rings copyright by Stephanie Hulthen Photography/Lightstock/105340. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-8024-1344-4

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To Susan, who from lane to lane remains the love of my life

(Are you going to church tonight?)

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W hen flames of romance are hot, the shared love leaps high and radiates warmth to everyone close at hand. The excitement and devotion may appear to be permanent, but often the fervent promises simply do not hold up under the tedium of everyday life: ardor cools, ashes form. It is a picture of far too many marriages.

Divorce statistics in America fluctuate around 50 percent, but much higher is the rate of disillusioned husbands and wives who struggle with apathy; the fire is gone. At some desperate point they seek marital advice from a minister. Whereas the sparkle of passionate love once glowed in their eyes, now a sobering discontent clouds their faces. The story of what happened to their dream and the hope that happiness can be regained energizes the pages of Lasting Love. It is the pulse beat of a pastors heart, the distilled wisdom of years devoted to romance recovery.

Alistair Begg stands at a determinative crossroads for many married couples. Senior pastor, counselor, man of God, he is far more than a pat-answer man. I am privileged to call him my friend and colleague. His therapy? A return to the original model for marriage, a reminder of the only anchor strong enough to hold in twentieth-century storms. Alistair teaches the art of a lasting relationship. He calls each partner to bury self-interests and diligently tend the fire of his or her own home hearth. After fifty years of marriage to my own Jeanne, I give witness to the validity of his remedies.

Our chilly world of self-indulgence easily smothers tender caring; but endearment can be reignited, assures Alistair. Such a word of encouragement not only soothes the soul, but rescues and rebuilds broken relationships. Here is a book to be given serious attention, to be discussed, and to be practiced. The glad results are guaranteed.

HOWARD G. HENDRICKS

Distinguished Professor and Chairman

Center for Christian Leadership

Dallas Theological Seminary

I n reading this book, it will quickly become apparent that I am greatly indebted to many people for their help. This I freely acknowledge.

Those who have taught me about marriage from their pulpits and their pens

Friends and family, who are living illustrations of the biblical principles which follow

My Parkside Church family for their continued loving support

Greg, Jim, Anne, and the others at Moodythey were never moody!

My friends at Camp of the Woods, New York, and Maranatha, Michigan, for allowing me to practice on them

Ed and Mona Atsinger, James and Suzanne Karls and Paul and Betsy Seegott, who provided lovely places in which to write in peace

Hank and Helen Craig for watching out for me and teaching me how to eat southern

My Administrative Assistant, Kay Carter, for all the typing, research, coffee, and friendship

And most of all Susan, Cameron, Michelle, and Emily, who know the worst about me and love me just the same

Soli Deo Gloria

A nother book on marriage?

Those are my sentiments exactly. If ever there has been a surfeit of material generated on any one subject, it surely must be this one. It seems everyone has something to say about love, marriage, and commitment.

Consequently, one would expect that by now our homes would be classic illustrations of marital contentment, excitement, and abiding faithfulness. Yet sadly, that is not the case. In fact, the extent of confused thinking and subsequent chaotic living is staggering.

So whats wrong? Are all those books being purchased and left unread? Do we read them, but not apply what we have discovered? Do we lack the will to do the hard work necessary to rise above marital mediocrity?

I suspect that the problem is much deeper. The fundamental problem is not, as we have been led to believe, one of interpersonal disintegration. At an even deeper level is a theological issue that remains unaddressed. We have spent the past quarter of a century focusing on ourselves, and we are currently adrift on the tides of pragmatism and psychological theory. In the matter of ethics, we are attracted to teachers who will pander to our own desires. No longer willing to listen to the truth, we have begun to wander off in pursuit of man-made fictions.