Creation - This heart holds many: my life as the nonbinary millennial child of a polyamorous family

As a polyamorous parent, the question I get asked a lot is But what about the children? Having a firsthand account by someone who lived, loved and learned in a polyamorous household is invaluable to any of us who raise children in the same environment. Bravo!

Kevin A. Patterson, curator of Poly Role Models and author of Love s Not Color Blind

If youre curious for a peek into what its really like for kids growing up in a polyamorous family, look no further than this book. In this remarkably vulnerable piece of writing, Koe shares landmarks of their life as a means of answering the most frequently asked questions about poly youth. Highly recommended for anyone considering poly parenthood.

Cunning Minx, host of Polyamory Weekly and author of Eight Things I Wish I d Known About Polyamory

This is exactly what the world has been waiting fora raw, honest perspective on what family and tribe can mean. Koe boldly shares their story and provides a helpful guide to navigating the complexities of polyamorous family structures. This is a must-read for everyone who chooses to live outside the box and create the best life for themselves!

Eri Kardos, author of Relationship Agreements

This autobiography of a young adult raised in a pagan, polyamorous extended family is full of information for parents and kids of all backgrounds. Useful ideas abound and lead the reader to question the traditional wisdom of our society.

David S. Hall, founding editor, Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality

Koe Creations delightful book This Heart Holds Many is perfect for anyone who has wondered how polyamorous families affect children, parents, and those Koe calls parent adjacent. From the pregnant lady sandwich to the chaotic (mis)adventures of young love or the trials and triumphs of adulting, Koe guides readers through the life of a second-generation polyamorous person with charming candor.

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door and When Someone You Love is Polyamorous , and editor of Stories from the Polycule

A individual voice with a unique and fascinating story to tell.

Barry Smiler, organizer of BmorePoly

Koe Creation is such a force, and this book is a testament to their incredible impact on the world around them.

Allena Gabosch, sex and relationships educator, activist, and author

Imagine that a big tribal family from the 22nd century falls into our time and lands in Seattle, where they have to keep partly hidden from the normals. Youre born into it and grow up through a rollicking kidhood, a moody, rebellious adolescence, then young-adult questing and brilliant maturity. All the while you hide your three moms and two dads from forces in the overculture that may threaten themwhile you become an ambassador from the 22nd century to many others. This fast-paced memoir grabs you like a piece of Heinleins science fiction, while serving as a guide, a warning, an encouragement, and a wise teaching tool for families of every kind.

Alan MacRobert, Polyamory in the News

This Heart Holds Many

This Heart Holds Many

My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family

Koe Creation

with a foreword by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

This Heart Holds Many

My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family

Copyright 2019 by Koe Creation

Foreword copyright 2019 by Elisabeth Sheff

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles and reviews.

Thorntree Press, LLC

P.O. Box 301231

Portland, OR 97294

press@thorntreepress.com

Thorntree Presss activities take place on traditional and ancestral lands of the Coast Salish people, including the Chinook, Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-Waututh nations.

Cover photo 2016 by Rachel Saudek

Cover design by Brianna Harden

Interior design by Jeff Werner

Polycule illustration 2018 Rowdy Ferret Designs

Developmental editing by Kari Castor and Michelle Lingo

Copy-editing by Roma Ilnyckyj

Proofreading by Hazel Boydell

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Creation, Koe, author.

Title: This heart holds many : my life as the nonbinary millennial child of a polyamorous family / Koe Creation ; foreword by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff.

Description: Portland, OR : Thorntree Press, [2019] |

Identifiers: LCCN 2018034919 (print) | LCCN 2018037127 (ebook) | ISBN 9781944934736 (epub) | ISBN 9781944934743 (mobipocket) | ISBN 9781944934750 (pdf) | ISBN 9781944934729 (softcover)

Subjects: LCSH: Creation, Koe. | Non-monogamous relationships--United States.
| Group marriage--United States. | Families--United States. | Sexual minorities families--United States. | Gender-nonconforming people--United States--Biography.

Classification: LCC HQ980.5.U5 (ebook) |
LCC HQ980.5.U5 C74 2019 (print) | DDC 306.84/23--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018034919

Digital edition v1.0

To Ember Johnston, 19982018, for being
the guiding light to so many people who were
looking for permission to be themselves.

I love you and will always keep a lookout just beyond the horizon, second star to the right.

If anyone has ever told you that you are anything less than a work of art, they lied.
Blyss Enns

Foreword

When I began studying polyamory in 1996, hardly anyone had heard of it. Because it was novel, and I was the only one in the United States studying it at the time, I was often invited to speak for classes and conferences about my findings. At these events I would ask people in the audience to raise their hands if they had heard of polyamory. For the first 10 years, hardly anyone raised their handscertainly less than a quarter. Then, in the mid-2000s, I began to notice a steady increase in the number of raised hands, and I started asking people where they had heard about polyamory. All of them said they had first heard about it on the Internet, or from a friend who had heard about it on the Internet and sent them a link. Now, ten years later, I hardly ever ask that question anymore, because most of my audience has already heard of polyamory and is coming to the event to learn more.

Based on the skyrocketing Google search rates for terms like polyamory and monogamish , many people are interested in what happens in consensually non-monogamous relationships. Reality television producers contact me regularly to ask me to help find polyamorous families with children who will appear in a reality television show. At first I used to put call after call out to the online polyamorous community to ask if anyone wanted to participate, and for one producer, I even contacted some of my respondents personally. All of them said no, and none of the families in the polysphere on the Internet ever wanted to volunteer for the reality shows.

After a while, I stopped asking if people in polyamorous families would volunteer for reality television and instead asked them why they did not want to participate. Folks in polyamorous families responded that they did not want to expose themselves, their families, and especially their kids to the kind of scrutiny and (too often vicious) social media attention that comes with being on reality television. Some people who had gone on television shows had very negative experiences with accusatory audience members and hosts who wanted salacious details at the expense of an accurate image of polyamorous families. My own experience being on the short-lived reboot of The Ricki Lake Show was rather negative: When the producers interviewed me on the phone, they asked a lot of questions about my research, and I thought they would introduce me as Dr. Sheff, a sociologist who researches polyamory. Instead, when I appeared on camera, the screen beneath me read Eli, whose marriage was destroyed by polyamory. They eliminated virtually everything I said from the final show, I assume because it was not what they wanted to hear.