Jordan Davidson - So When Are You Having Kids: The Definitive Guide for Those Who Arent Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents

Praise for So When Are You Having Kids?

So When Are You Having Kids? is a much-needed exploration of the age-old question that plagues us all at one time or another. Jordan offers an inclusive, thought-provoking journey for all humans, no matter where they are in their own questions surrounding parenthood. Packed with insight into the various ways to become a parent, alongside an honest look at just how hard it can be to achieve, this book will open your eyes to the all-encompassing role of the idea of having children in our cultureand how the stigma of maybe not wanting to choose this, or the way in which it is chosen, has kept this conversation from happening in the ways it should have before.

Lara Parker

deputy director of BuzzFeed and author of Vagina Problems

A thoughtfully written and inclusive guide for anyone debating one of lifes biggest questions. Davidson allows the reader to not be sure about something that is often described as innate or natural. It is both incredibly freeing and informative.

Allison Raskin

New York Times bestselling author of Overthinking About You

If youve ever debated parenthood, So When Are You Having Kids? is the manual for you. Davidsons exploration of the internal debate, societal pressure, fertility science, and decision-making process behind reproduction is so thorough, youll walk away with a clear understanding of what you actually want and how to get there. In fact, by the last page, youll actually be prepared to answer the title question whenever a friend, family member, or stranger lobs it your way.

Riyana Straetker

senior editor of Verywell Family and former editor of POPSUGAR Family and Parents magazine

It is rare for someone like medisabled, queer, and childfreeto feel welcome in a book about having children, but Jordan Davidsons debut made me right at home. If youre deciding if, when, and how to have children (or even if youve already made up your mind), Davidsons text will arm you with empowering information and a steady, guiding voice. The rest, as she gently reminds readers, is (and always should be) up to us.

Tessa Miller

New York Times editors choice author of What Doesnt Kill You

A refreshingly honest and inclusive look at the complexities, ambiguities, and opportunities of modern parenthood. A modern guide to the full spectrum of parent life, to help readers feel seen and validatedwhoever they are, at every point in the parenthood journey.

Liz Tenety

cofounder of Motherly

If youre even remotely concerned with questions about procreating in the modern age, even if youre childfree, Davidsons extensively researched tome will be an essential read. As the leader of an organization focused on a population of people often forgotten about or dismissed when discussing parenthood and family formation, I was so pleased to see LGBTQ+ families (and especially the children in those families) so accurately and consistently represented. You dont want to miss this book!

Jordan Budd

executive director of COLAGE

Jordan Davidson

Sounds True

Boulder, CO 80306

2022 Jordan Davidson

Sounds True is a trademark of Sounds True, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author and publisher.

This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical recommendations of physicians, mental health professionals, or other health-care providers. Rather, it is intended to offer information to help the reader cooperate with physicians, mental health professionals, and health-care providers in a mutual quest for optimal well-being. We advise readers to carefully review and understand the ideas presented and to seek the advice of a qualified professional before attempting to use them.

Published 2022

Book design by Meredith Jarrett

Illustrations 2022 Merlin Evans

BK06394

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Davidson, Jordan (Health journalist), author.

Title: So when are you having kids? : the definitive guide for those who arent sure if, when, or how they want to become parents / Jordan Davidson.

Description: Boulder, CO : Sounds True, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022006885 (print) | LCCN 2022006886 (ebook) | ISBN 9781683649250 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781683649267 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Parenthood. | Parents--Psychology. | Family planning.

Classification: LCC HQ755.8 .D3725 2022 (print) | LCC HQ755.8 (ebook) | DDC 306.874--dc23/eng/20220224

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022006885

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022006886

To Zack

This book uses gender-inclusive language whenever possible, as well as the preferred terms and spellings that best represent the identities of those featured within these pages. Moving away from gendered parenting language is crucial when it comes to creating equity for all within the parenting space. The gender divide only serves to promote antiquated notions about parenthood and uphold the imbalance in regard to who performs what caregiving actions. Unfortunately, since surveys, studies, and other forms of data collection tend to rely on the gender binary, gendered language cannot be entirely avoided, as making everything gender neutral would change the meaning of quotes or research findings. As such, some language has been preserved in its original form.

At some point in your life, youve probably entertained the question of whether or not you want kids. In the back of your mind, you might have picked out a name you liked or imagined what a child would look like with your eyes and your partners nose. Or maybe its the other way around: you love other peoples children but cant imagine having kids of your own. You might be thinking, How can I have a baby when there is a mountain of dirty laundry thats practically festering in the corner of my room? Or perhaps youre wondering how you can afford childcare on top of your student loans. And is your biological clock really ticking as loud as all of the egg-freezing ads popping up on your Facebook feed seem to suggest?

The truth is, you have more time to start a family than you probably think you do. Exactly how much time depends on a whole host of factors; the first, of course, being fertility. But even within the confines of fertility, theres still a lot of variability. Contrary to your aunts snide comments at every family gathering, its possible to become a parent later in life. There are fertility treatments, of course, but there are also adoption and fostering, which are not as age sensitive as your own biology.

Deciding to become a parent is one of the biggest decisions youll ever make, if not the biggest. Despite the huge responsibility of having a child, the only how-tos youll find on the subject are how to get pregnant and how to raise a child once you have one. Theres very little information out there for people who are unsure if, when, or how they want to become a parent.

Think about the decisions youve made that have altered the course of your life. If you went to college, you probably researched schools, looked into scholarships, and calculated how long it would take to pay off your student loans. When you began applying for jobs, you likely researched the company and the benefits it provided. Or maybe you bought a housegood for you!chances are you did a lot of research before deciding on a home and a mortgage.