Evans Beth - Breaking mad: the insiders guide to conquering anxiety

CONTENTS

Ten years ago, I found myself in the grips of a crippling anxiety disorder. Until then, I had no idea what that even meant, let alone how it was supposed to feel. At the time I was presenting a number one ITV kids television show, Toonattik a job I absolutely loved and valued.

However, due to a concoction of stress building up due to a tricky relationship, a pressured and extremely energetic job which required a smile plastered on my face at all times, and a general inability to talk about my feelings to anyone, I imploded. Big time.

I can remember the day IT happened as clear as anything. I hadnt slept for what seemed like months, I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights, almost drifting along on autopilot not belonging to my own body or mind, petrified with every move and decision I had to make even having to choose between diet or fat coke seemed like an exam interrogation it was like I was existing through a fog, as though I wasnt quite present in anything.

At the time I hadnt heard of anxiety disorder or panic attacks, yet I found myself feeling, as I described it weird, not normal, like I was losing my mind. It took about six months to get to what I now affectionately call meltdown day, but until that point of no return, every day, EVERY DARN DAY, leading up to it Id wake up to a familiar gripping claw-like feeling around my chest, and a general feeling of dread, fear and loneliness. I. just. couldnt. shift. it.

A day of doom and unnecessary and unfounded panic lay ahead, and Id just wish and pray for it to be over as soon as possible. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and the best actress in the world it turns out I mastered a perfect poker face while privately crumbling inwardly. At one point I even fantasized about crashing my car to allow me the sanctity of a hospital stay where the world could just go away and let me rest.

How sad is that? A 25 year old, with the job of her dreams, a loving family and plenty of friends, and yet I was an emotional and mental mess. And nobody knew, because, to be quite honest, I didnt really know myself. How can you open up and get help for something you cant really put your finger on? Something you cant see ? This, Ive found, is the whole issue and stigma surrounding mental health. This is where I, and this book, come in to put a rocket up the backside of anxiety and its unfair and ignorant stigma.

They say you have to reach rock bottom before you can climb back up, and in my case, that was so true. It took all of my so-called coping to come to a head for me to finally get the help I so desperately needed but didnt know existed until Id had my emotional meltdown.

I dont know about you, but for me, theres perhaps nothing quite as exposing or mortifying as crying in public, its just so damn cringey. We have this oddly programmed mentality to not show our emotions for fear of being labelled weak or it being embarrassing and it doesnt help when people seem to shuffle awkwardly and run a mile when faced with a weeping walrus. To be fair I am not a pretty crier I seem to produce enough snot and general facial secretions to rival a tantruming toddler.

That day I was feeling frazzled with insomnia, anxiety, stabbing chest pains and a foggy mush of a brain. I dragged myself into the TV studios to record another high-octane show, when something inside just snapped, and the months of fighting back tears burst like a dam. And suddenly they flowed and flowed. All it took for this release was a simple yet concerned Anna are you OK? from a passing colleague. It was like a key had unlocked months of pent-up worry, frustration, self-doubt and anxiety, and wow, it felt good to let it just spill out.

Not initially, mind you. Being quietly smuggled into the back of a cab, and sent home until I felt better felt all too odd and surreal. But the three weeks off work and talking therapy that followed (see box that follows), and some short-term anti-anxiety medication to help me finally sleep, proved to be life changing.

That meltdown was a sharp wake-up call to learn what anxiety was, who I was, what I wanted in life and crucially, what I didnt want. My subsequent journey learning how to counteract the signs of anxiety and find balance has led me, ten years later, to writing this book.

In the years that followed my meltdown, I studied and trained myself, in a mission of self-discovery, and now with counselling, life coaching and NLP qualifications in my toolkit, its great to be able to share with you the anxiety-busting skills, tips and techniques Ive tried and tested.

Myth busting: Types of talking therapies

Counselling

One of the most common types of talking therapy, and widely available. Counselling is a type of therapy that allows a person to talk about their problems and feelings in a confidential and non-judgemental environment. A counsellors role is to listen, guide and assist in resolving any issues in the clients own space and time. A counsellor wont usually give advice, but will help explore, and find insights into and understanding of problems.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is a type of talking therapy used to treat emotional problems and mental health conditions. As well as talking, sometimes other methods may be used such as art, music and drama to help the client communicate more effectively.

Psychotherapists are trained to listen to a persons problems to try to find out whats causing them and help them find a solution. As well as listening and discussing important issues with you, a psychotherapist can suggest strategies for resolving problems and, if necessary, help you change your attitudes and behaviour.

Clinical psychology

Clinical psychology is about reducing the distress and improving the psychological wellbeing of clients. Through their doctorate training, clinical psychologists have an understanding of a wide range of psychological difficulties that influence people of all ages. They are registered with the HCPC (Health and Care Professions Council) and are trained to use several evidence-based psychological methods of assessment and treatment, to support people to make positive changes to their lives.

Psychiatry

Psychiatry is a medical specialty dedicated to identifying, treating and preventing mental health difficulties. Psychiatrists are medically qualified doctors, which means, as well as recommending and delivering talking therapies, they can prescribe medication.

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

NLP is a talking therapy focused on communication, and how the dynamics between our mind, language and behaviour affect us. An NLP practitioner acts as a mirror to reflect what the client is offering up, and will help explore and guide through any issues, feelings and blockages which need addressing, through a range of approaches and self-exploratory processes.

Hypnotherapy

See section later in the book on Hypnosis, .

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means being aware of or paying attention to the current moment, including your thoughts, feelings and the world around you, nonjudgementally. It is about experiencing life as it unfolds, rather than being in thinking/worrying mode. Mindfulness approaches have Buddhist origins and have been around for thousands of years, but more recently they have become available as a type of therapy (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction). Mindfulness can be learnt during therapy / with a Mindfulness teacher or self-practice with the support of many resources (e.g. online courses, books, videos). There are many ways in which you can practise it: formally (e.g. through regular breathing exercise) or informally (e.g. in your day-to-day activities, such as walking or eating).