Newell Reetta - Breaking mum and dad: the insiders guide to parenting anxiety

Contents

Before I became a mum I used to scoff at people who cited parenthood as the hardest job in the world pah! What, sitting at home watching daytime telly in your PJs, cuddling a scrummy sleeping baby? Do me a favour it sounded like bliss, a doss, a total result. Fast forward several years, and oh how I came down off my high horse!

27 September 2016 is a very special day for me. Its the day I officially lost my independent, its just me status, and became a mother. A day I had been waiting for for more than 20 years. I always knew I wanted, needed , to be a mum. As a kids television presenter and counsellor people often remarked that Id be a natural, and I totally believed them.

However, as I discovered, entertaining other peoples children on TV is an entirely different kettle of fish to making, birthing and rearing your own child. Its safe to say that my launch into motherhood was not easy. In fact, Id go as far as to say it was pretty bloody traumatic. The birth was hands down the hardest thing I have ever encountered, but hey, its called labour for a reason I guess. But it was the days, weeks and months after my son arrived that really challenged me beyond anything I could have imagined not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.

In those long, sleep-deprived early weeks, I felt anxiety, terror, loneliness and low mood like Ive never known and thats saying something. Ive had a well-documented history of mental health blips my first book , Breaking Mad: The Insiders Guide To Conquering Anxiety , can fill you in on all that.

Thankfully, I knew what to do and where to go to get immediate support and help for the debilitating feelings I was experiencing. I am one of the lucky ones. But there are millions of new mums, and dads, who also feel like the rug has been well and truly pulled out from under their feet the moment they become a parent. Indeed, during the research for this book I delved into other parents innermost thoughts, feelings and behaviours and discovered just how many of us are suffering in silence, afraid of being judged for not being supermum or perfect dad, and not loving every minute.

Breaking Mum and Dad: The Insiders Guide to Parenting Anxiety is for every parent, grandparent, adoptive parent, step-parent, foster parent (you get my drift) out there. Parenting is hard enough without keeping the festering feelings and thoughts inside, to fester away some more. This book is for us all. It includes bits of my personal story of my foray into motherhood, along with the stories of other parents along the way. Mums of multiples, single dads, surrogate parents, same-sex parents, adoptive mothers, stepmums, IVF couples I embarked on a quest to get answers from lots of parents and lots of different demographics, not just the traditional mum and dad set-up.

It doesnt matter how you get your precious baby, we are all one and the same we are parents going through the same emotions, the good and the bad.

This sanity-saving guide reveals how it can really feel to be a new mum and dad, and celebrates the highs and the lows. Ill explore some of the conditions that can occur after birth, such as post-natal depression and anxiety, and birth trauma, and take a peek into the pressures of making new mum friends, dealing with next to no sleep, coping with unwanted advice, the going back to work anxiety, and of course the infamous mum guilt.

Weve probably all got the books on how to change a nappy, sleep training ideas and when to wean books I couldnt have done without but this book is about the other non-physical stuff. The stuff that can make us feel stir crazy, a bag of hormones, and unsure of which way to turn. Along with my parent pals and my wonderful friend Dr Reetta Newell who as well as being a top-notch Clinical Psychologist is also a mum of two young girls my aim is for you to feel supported, understood and, above all, like youre not alone. Because, trust me, whatever youre feeling, good or bad, there are a gazillion others experiencing exactly the same thing.

Being a parent is one of the most life-changing, challenging yet rewarding and wonderful things we can do. There is nothing quite like it.

So, welcome to your support group, your go to for when the feelings and emotions get a bit weird and need explaining, for those moments of Help! I want a day off from this parenting job! You will find no cliquey judging here, you will hear from parents like you who are going through the motions too... and you never know, we might just make you smile a bit as we go.

Dr Reetta and I will also share some helpful and easy (we know how hard it can be to concentrate when youve got a screaming banshee time bomb about to go off in the next room) exercises and activities to help you relax, understand yourself better, and provide a bit of timely motivation and empowerment.

Throughout the book you will find Breaking Point SOS handy hints, How to ideas, and Activity Alerts to help you get through the tough days. Whats more, at the end of each chapter youll get some valuable advice from Dr Reetta Says. We hope you find our research, anecdotes and advice empathetic, sympathetic and ultimately helpful.

Dont worry Ms Williamson, just because this birth didnt quite go the way you wanted it to, it doesnt mean you cant try again one day. Not exactly the magical first words Id dreamed of hearing after the birth of my son. And as for the labour not going quite the way Id hoped well if that wasnt the understatement of the century I dont know what was!

So how did I get here? Before we get into the practical stuff, I wanted to share my pregnancy and birth story with you so that you know where Im coming from, and because I asked so many other people to be brave and share their stories with me, too. I hope it helps remember, were all in this together!

Id entered the no-mans-land of pregnancy with trepidation, excitement and no idea about what the next nine months would hold, with the actual physical task of getting the baby out being just too mind-blowing to comprehend. So, I did what every mature and sensible woman does: I initially buried my head in the sand. I wouldnt say Im a nave person, but I somehow foolishly convinced myself that being pregnant would be like the movies, with a weightless beach ball bump shoved neatly up my jumper, showcasing my newly voluptuous figure, with the actual getting sprog out being merely a polite cough, a teeny straining for a poo groan, and then ta-daa hello baby. Cue the obligatory schmaltzy Facebook post and off we go.

Oh how wrong I was. The harsh reality was that I really didnt enjoy pregnancy. I cant say I hated it, there were definite moments of happiness/anticipation, but on the whole, I felt sick, heavy, hot (not in the sexy sense), and the actual labour and birth experience was definitely one of my top-five most un-fun things to do ever. From the moment I saw the positive result on the pregnancy test my ecstatic joy was instantly masked with a niggle of worry As someone whod suffered for years with anxiety and panic disorder I always knew that I was a candidate for prenatal and post-natal depression and anxiety, so from the beginning I was aware that I needed to take good care of my mental, as well as physical, health. The overwhelming responsibility I felt for both of us was, well, completely overwhelming!