Downton - A casual necromancy: from the little book of curses and maledictions

Before You Start

A curse is like a recipe. Read and reread it until you understand it. (You dont usually have to memorize invocations. For the most part, its okay to read them from the book.) Check the You Need section at the top and assemble everything before you start. Make sure youre in a quiet place where you wont be interrupted, unless the curse specifies otherwise. When youre ready, take a few moments to focus. Think about what you want to accomplish. Think about what you deserve. If you deserve what the curse promises, and if you deserve to get it from your cursee, then you can begin.

On Delivery

Be calm and deliberate in your movements and your speech without being stiff. Dont rush. If you get nervous, stop until youre calm again. If you make a mistake, simply go back and correct yourself. If you stumble over your invocations, be sorry, back up, and start again.

On Threes

Most often youll say and do things three times. As far as cursing methods go, once is almost never enough. Three is a staple of curses and puts your best foot forward. As The Simpsons put it, revenge is a dish best served three times. Sometimes spells are triple-cast over a series of three nights, weeks, or months, or at the beginning, middle, and end of a single month.

On Left

Left is the direction and the side of the body (though not the brain) that holds power in casting spells. So youll generally do things with your left hand, burn documents by beginning at their lower left corner, and so on. When youre instructed to turn, turn counterclockwise (that is, to your left).

On Writing

No pencil, please! Use plain ink, black if you have it. Fountain pen would be lovely.

On Gender

Most curses written to be cast on women can also be cast on men, or vice versa, unless the directions say otherwise.

On Timing

As a general rule, when you want to start something, wait for a new moon. End things under a full one, when the moon begins to wane. According to Nordic tradition, the best spell-casting days of the year are Christmas Day and Midsummers Day (the June 21 equinox). Dont make strangers of the remaining three equinoxes either. It might be prudent to wait for one or another of them, if you can.

On Candles

Many curses require you to light candles at night in dim light (sometimes in complete darkness) and to snuff them out when youre through. Flames may gutter when spirits are invokedor they may not. (Dont worry about it. How your candle behaves signifies nothing whatsoever.) Use the color specifiedusually white, but sometimes red. Red candles are the candles of love, though sometimes their use may seem paradoxical. Black candles arent called for in any spell here because theyre next to impossible to find. But if you can find them, snap up the lot, and use them when youre doing something splendidly malignant! But never, never use a black candle in a spell involving a relationship, even if its a relationship youre trying to ruin. Light a candle with a match, never a lighter. Extinguish a flame by pinching the wick between the thumb and third finger of your left hand. Never use your right hand or, worse, a snuffer, and never simply blow out the flame. Your cursing candle isnt a birthday cake! For safety, always set candles in holders or fasten them solidly to small saucers with a little melted wax. (If a candle nevertheless falls in the commission of a malediction, simply stop, set it right, and pick up where you left off. If you invoked a spirit, then singed him and splattered him with hot wax, by all means apologize to him.) Never leave a candle burning when youre finished. Unless a spell specifies otherwise, you can reuse your candles for magic, but not for household use. Keep your candle drawers separate.

On Setting

Casting curses usually means privacy, quiet, and often darkness. Do we need to tell you to turn off the TV? Unplug land lines; turn off cell phones and BlackBerrys. Turn off desktops; close laptops and notebooks. If there are stuffed animals or figurines in the room, turn their faces to the wall. Turn photographs in frames face down. Stow clocks and mirrors. Face large mirrors to the wall. If you cant, lay your curse in another location. Never use magic when a mirrors watching you. Having books around is fine. Except for this one, just make sure theyre not lying open. Its fine to consult other books about magic, but have only one open at a time. Rid the room of cameras and of cell phones that take pictures. Under no circumstances photograph or allow yourself to be photographed (or videotaped or filmed or Skyped or anything else), and never record yourself or allow yourself to be recorded. Ignore these guidelinessome are warnings, in factat your peril.